fighting the summer job/car battle

<p>in our family the kids have use of the family car & so long as they are making the honor roll/dean's list we pay for 'good-grade' reduced car insurance. they have worked "almost" every summer since 8th grade, bcuz if they donot have $$ for gas, the car will not go far - it's not a drastic consequence, it's reality. one summer my son thought he'd let someone who "really needed a job" have it and that would allow him to work out more for basketball -- boy, was the son surprised when my DH pointed to DS's bike when he asked for the car keys. -- on the other hand, he WAS in really good shape for bball ;) -- ps next summer he got 2 jobs, the first one of which he had to use his bike to put in applications. again, no $$... no gas.</p>

<p>As another mother who has been through the job issue, the following is our experience with this. S got his first job between jr. and sr. year, but it was not steady b/c the place of employment hired more kids than they require and then offered each between 8-20 hours each week. He did also study for SATs and did involve himself with community service. I made him bank every penny he earned for college, but continued to give him his regular allowance so he had some money in his wallet. He resented this. He felt that his money should be his to spend on whatever he felt like (meaning movies, pizza, and mostly video games). I explained that his parents cannot just spend all of their pay on whatever, b/c there are bills to pay (went on to show him the water, electric, car insurance bills, etc.). He did comply with banking his earnings. The summer before college he still did not understand why I was requiring employment, with a minimum of 30 hours/week and making him bank it for his college spending money. The same went for graduation gift money. I told him that we were providing tution, room and board, but spending money was on him. He still did not get why he needed "all of this money" for spending at college. Well, he has done a 360 degree turn. He cannot wait to earn as much as he can this summer! He gets how much pocket money it takes, and how expensive his books are now that he finished his first year at college.</p>

<p>Just to add, he also "heard" the same points of view that his parents have from other peers while away at school. When we told him that he needs to take some financial responsibility for his schooling it did not sink in. He saw other students taking on some financial responsibility and telling my son about how they should chip in to help pay for some part of their education. He has since stated that he feels responsible to take on some the financial responsiblity (he means paying for all of his books, and his spending money). The message was understood as to what should be expected from his peers, but he did not understand that same message when it came from us.</p>

<p>Ditto to those who say the kid only has driving privileges if he keeps the grades needed for the insurance discounts.</p>

<p>We consider driving a necessity rather than a privelege. S2 tried to be lackadaisacal about timing on getting learners, scheduling his behind the wheel, etc. We explained that there were hard dates involved as we expect him to get his license on the first day of age eligibility (June 25th) or definitely suffer consequences--hard labor in the yard and grounding until he passes. Whether or not he makes honor roll is a moot point in terms of driving--that has much more serious implications for his college choices, of course, which he understands. We need him to be able to get himself to appointments, jobs, and practices and prefer him to be the one behind the wheel rather than his 16-year old friends.</p>

<p>As for work, that was also not an option. Both sons were required to get a full time job in the summer as soon as eligibile (14 in our state). S2 worked as a bus-boy his first summer, hating every minute. He got a life guard job the summer he was 15 and will do that again this summer and probably through graduation. It has always been a 40-hour plus week as he substitutes for other kids who want to take off. We require 50% of all earnings to go in the bank, but both boys have ended up banking probably 90%. They pay for gas, but not insurance.</p>

<p>I think it depends on the kid. D worked so hard in HS along with her EC's (theater), but had money in savings (a certian percentage of birthday, Christmas, etc., $ had to be saved, along with a part of her allowance), applied and won some scholarship money, and while she didn't "work," she drove grandpa's old car, and I covered the costs (got the discount, and one on mine for having 2 cars). No time for work at a real "job," but, she tutored privately (a few hours per week) and made some money, and paid for gas. She was burned out after HS, (graduated sal) so I let her have a relaxing summer, (one which we used to bond some more and plan college) but she continued to tutor, and made a little bit of money. After all, if we work all year, we get a vacation, too. We took probably our last joint vacation together. She had some money from graduation, the scholarships, etc., so I knew she would be OK. The next summer (she is 3000 miles away) she tried over Spring Break to secure a job, but it was too early and she would be back at school when they were interviewing. By the time she came home, (they get out later than our schools here) the jobs were gone. It was mid-summer before she finally found a job - retail in a national chain. Best thing that ever happened. My brilliant D saw what it was to work blue collar, (virtually all the unmarried girls in the store were pregnant, and 2 were supporting their no-good-not-working boyfriends on a bit over minimum wage) and even tho she had no business classes, came home and made some wonderful observations about what the store needed to improve it! She knew the store wasn't selling to its potential, (hence its diminished budget and small staff) and she realized that much of it was due to the fact that they misallocated available personnel, and also had one "Devil Wears Prada" manager. She learned a LOT those 6 weeks - especially that she was going to college and then to grad school (never had been a doubt, but just reinforced the idea) and she would never work retail again. So, for this summer, (all on her own, with no prodding, especially since I had no idea this existed) she applied for and received a fellowship for volunteering at a not-for-profit for 7 weeks. (She researched and found 1 near us that does 1 day of training, then she can pick whatever job she wants) It's more $ than she could earn otherwise, and she will need it for Europe next year. So, make son take that crummy job he doesn't want. It may teach him what he doesn't want to do, and what he needs to do to get where he wants to go. With his laissez faire attitude, I am concerned what he will do once he gets to college. Perhaps a gap year would be best - boys do mature later than girls. As for 5 applications a day, how can you verify this? He could be out seeing his friends instead. Or, he can drop them off and say "I have to drop this off, but I really don't want this job" and you would never know it. Now it's time to say, OK, the 5 applications didn't work, so now you need to find a job (any30+hour per week job) by ______ or no car all summer! And maybe it's time for a discussion with S about family finances - show him that the water, gas and electricity don't just magically arrive - you have to pay for them, and how much. Lots of kids think that their parents have bottomless bags of $ stashed somewhere, since everything has always been taken care of. I worked from the time I was 10 - cutting grass, raking leaves, then in retail (yes, dreaded retail), and it didn't do me any harm. It made me see what I wanted. Perhaps the same will happen for your S. Good luck, and stick to your guns!</p>

<p>ejr, My son learned some of those lessons last summer too. He also worked for a national retail chain. He will probably work for a different one this summer, and one that sells entirely different products. At the new job he will also earn 150-200/week more (he is very happy about that).</p>

<p>"(refering to grad school student) How much would you push and how much would you let your kid make their own mistakes there?"</p>

<p>What you describe is a grown man or woman.</p>

<p>That grown man or woman can make their own mistakes - and pay their own bills.Such an adult would only be able to live at home if they were working fulltime and paying rent or were in fulltime graduate school. They'd also need to follow the house rules.</p>

<p>Should the adult then wish to take a some time off by working a low paying part time job while having lots of fun, that would be fine -- if they did it in their own place that they paid for. I know lots of people who did things like that and then went on to have productive graduate and career experiences.</p>

<p>The people who ran into problems were those whose parents let them take time off while living at home with their parents supporting them. Such young adults would then be able to blow all of their paychecks on entertainment and other fun things that they wouldn't be able to afford on their meager incomes unless their parents were helping them. That gave such young adults a warped view of what kind of employment they'd have to do to live the kind of lifestyle that they wanted.</p>