First quarter, still having a very hard time adjusting.

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I'm about a month and a half into fall quarter now, and so far it's had its ups and downs, but overall I'm still feel like something is seriously missing socially. I became very depressed over the weekend, which scared me a little bit because I'm never like that. I wandered around town aimlessly at 1am tonight trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me, and I think I've pinpointed the issues. In high school, I was a relatively social person with good friends. I did not like high school, I found that many of the kids were shallow jerks and I was sick of dealing with all of the rules. I was chomping at the bit to get to college my senior year, and now I'm here (and consequently unhappy so far). My roommate is a good friend from high school, but it hasn't been working very well so far. He's a great friend and a great roommate, but with him came all the social pressures from high school. He's more charming, good looking, and smooth talking that I am. He constantly tells me how we have to be "in", "get ladies", "know people in college", etc, making it sound like if you weren't doing those things to the max then you're a total loser. He has a great group of friends he goes and hangs out with a lot, pretty women who are constantly after him, and at the end of the day he always comes back sad, telling me "man I wish I had more friends", or something along those lines, which makes me feel like total crap, because even though I've made some great friends in my dorm and a couple outside my dorm, I don't have nearly as many friends (or women) as he does. Him and I seem to be subconsciously competing, and we get upset when the other is hanging out with their friends. This unfortunately has made college thus far extremely full of pressure, because I feel I'm constantly being judged and competed with socially.</p>

<p>Secondly, I lack a "social circle" so far. I have a few friends here and a few friends there that I like to hang out with, eat with, go to the gym with, etc. sometimes, but I don't have a regular group of 6 or 7 people I always hang out with which is really bothering me. I sometimes don't know what to do with on the weekends because all of my friends have their own social circles that they're doing things with. There are a lot of people on my hall that accept me and want me to go hang out with them, but they're all girls, and it's a little weird being the only guy in a social group.</p>

<p>Thirdly, I came here with very high expectations, too high. Everyone told me how college is the best time of their lives, how awesome it is, how much I'll love it, etc. I also wanted to get out of high school and go to college so badly, and now I feel stupid because I'm not having nearly as great of a time as I thought I would be. I'm just wondering if this is normal. I thought I would be adjusted and settled in by now, but I'm not. I crave the same "social" security that I had at home, and I was sure I'd have it by now. It's been really getting me down in the last few days and it seems to be only getting worse, and I feel like I'm the only one having this problem. Anyone else have experience with anything like this and/or any advice?</p>

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<p>I have felt that way since my first quarter and my background in college is very similar to yours. I am now a second year and I am seriously debating dropping out and switching colleges. All I can say is to join clubs and try to integrate yourself with the people there. Social clubs seem to be the way to go for some people.</p>

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<p>There is a lot of hype about college, and it is hard for it to live up to such high expectations, but this is what my (upperclassman) friend told me: College is only what you make of it. It doesn’t just happen to you. You happen to it.</p>

<p>You’re not alone. I am in a very similar situation to yourself. Just a little while ago, I had a breakdown because I felt the same way as you–the awkward extra wheel that doesn’t really belong to a group. I got lucky, though. One of my hallmates somehow noticed that I was out of it, and pulled me aside. She pretty much tore down every fear I had, telling me I was loved and valued by her and the group of people she was with. It really helped to have someone affirm that I was worth something. </p>

<p>This is my advice: Find someone. Someone you feel you could have a serious talk with. It could be one of your friends, your RA, anyone, but someone who’s a part of your everyday life. And talk to them. Tell them about what you’ve been thinking. But know that there’s not going to be the security you crave, at least not until you put yourself out of your comfort zone. You need to risk yourself to gain anything. People won’t just come to you. This is what I had to learn–I was super introverted and had no close friends in HS. Put yourself out there and show yourself. If you’re turned down, it’s not your fault, it just means that those people weren’t meant for you.</p>

<p>If you ever need help, or someone to talk to, feel free to message me, because I know exactly what you’re feeling.</p>

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<p>At this time last year (my freshman year) I was beginning to meet people, but I did not have a solid social circle like I do now. Now, it’s great, I never expected to have such great friends. Just give it more time, I know it’s hard but just don’t give up.</p>

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<p>I definitely think you should give it a little more time. I’m a freshman in my first semester and I’m not exactly having the easiest time socially either. I think it’s just because my high school friends and family were always there. They were kind of my security blanket in a way that meant I never had to meet new people. Now I’m completely surrounded by new people and it’s kind of overwhelming. I’m slowly starting to build relationships with these people though, and only time will tell how things will play out. </p>

<p>One thing I’ve noticed lately, though- the more content I am with being alone, the more natural my friendships and relationships with other people start to feel. When you’re okay with being by yourself, your friendships don’t become a part of your life that you can’t live without, but rather a FUN part, which is what it’s supposed to be. I don’t know. That’s just me.</p>

<p>Anyway, I hope things work out well for you. Just give it a little time. :)</p>

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<p>Hello there! I was in your position at this time last year. I had the same high expectations about college, I had a really supportive, close group of friends around me senior year, I was so ready to get out of high school and move on, etc…But I felt like right when I got to campus, everything was different. I quickly felt like I was changing and losing a sense of who I really was. I was in a triple and both of my roommates had close groups of friends that they attached to right away. They ate with them, hung out with them, did homework together, the whole 9 yards. And then there was me. There are a lot of things about me that separate me from a majority of the population at my school. I am in a long distance relationship, I’m a Christian on a very liberal campus, I don’t drink, and these are all things that automatically separated me from people before I even got to campus, unfortunately. </p>

<p>Going to college is a HUGE transition that no one is honest about. Like you said, everyone says that college is the best time of your life, it’s awesome, etc, etc. However, it’s also really hard. You’re separating yourself from what you’ve been socialized in and having to actually face some of the challenges of the real world. It’s also hard because every single aspect of your life happens in one place. In high school you were able to be at school, be at home, be at your extra-curricular activities…each location came with different people and a different atmosphere. In college, however, everything happens all at the same place and there isn’t an easy way to escape it.</p>

<p>What I can, from personal experience, say is that it gets better. It doesn’t get better for everyone because some schools just aren’t a great fit, but it gets better. Friend groups change starting next semester and that changes the dynamics of your every day interactions. As freshmen we tend to cling to who we meet in the first couple weeks of college. As classes change and you come back from a month long break, things will be different. What I strongly encourage you to do is just keep trying your best and don’t be hard on yourself. Once you are hard on yourself or start comparing your experience to others’ experiences, that’s when you get yourself into trouble. You are your own individual and I recommend that you just try to remember that. Also, keep in mind that no one has it all figured out. It seems that way, but that’s just because people who are transitioning to college are trying to put on an act. They want to seem as if everything is great so that they can live up to their previous expectations. In reality, college is a hard transition no matter who you are. I know that it feels isolating, however, just know that it gets better and that you’re allowed to feel the way you do.</p>

<p>It’s hard to find something that you instantaneously click with, but I recommend that you just keep trying to pursue existing or create new interests. Like someone said above, college is truly what you make of it. Sometimes you might get down on yourself because you’re trying to make it a great experience, but it’s not working out that way. THAT’S OKAY! It takes time. It really does. It stinks that no one prepares us for that, but I can say that as a sophomore, things seem so much better than they did for me last year. I was convinced that I had chosen the wrong school and that I just hated everything about my school. But, I love where I’m at! I am loving everything about my decision to come here and it honestly just takes time. Freshman year is hard because nothing is set in stone and you feel like you’re trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. But just keep putting yourself out there and remember that you are not the only one on campus going through these emotions. I can guarantee that your roommate doesn’t even feel himself even though he’s playing it as if he does. He really doesn’t. If it doesn’t hit him now, which is kind of the honeymoon phase of this new chapter of life for most people, it will hit him eventually. Good luck!</p>