<p>Maybe you ought to transfer to Knox ;).</p>
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<p>Not doing so could be the most important step to help the OP. Assuming positive intentions from everyone will help interact with others and have a restful mind.</p>
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<p>Rather than blocking those who unceremoniously challenge you, find the kernel of truth in what they (and others) are saying. And then act on those truths.</p>
<p>chaosakita, in real life I am a very sweet, kind, and non-confrontational person. But the anonymous nature of this place has emboldened me to be honest with you. Hopefully you can read this in the spirit in which is intended, which is in kindness and helpfulness.</p>
<p>My impression is that you are never content, or happy, in anything. The grass is always greener somewhere else. You were accepted to some great schools, but were fixated on getting in to the few where you were waitlisted. Your family’s financial situation didn’t qualify you for need-based aid, but then you were fixated on why Vanderbilt gave you some aid and other schools didn’t. You start threads on CC asking for help and guidance, but argue with, dismiss, and complain about the replies you receive, unless it’s what you want to hear.</p>
<p>If you respond to people in your life the way you respond to posters on CC, I can see why you might be socially isolated. </p>
<p>I think you need to step back a bit and stop being so critical, and just experience life. Don’t be so quick to react/make excuses/be confrontational. When you are around other people, listen to them and make it about them, not yourself. You need to re-train yourself to be less self-important.</p>
<p>On a grand scale I believe everyone matters and is important. But it sounds like you are so fixated on your own needs and happiness that you are not letting others also matter and be important. There needs to be a little less of you and a little more of them to make relationships work and form some friendships.</p>
<p>Best wishes to you.</p>
<p>If you go into sorority recruitment with the attitude you have displayed on this thread alone (I have not read anything else you have posted or replied too) you will set yourself up for undeniable failure. I have no idea what your GPA is, but if you don’t think it’s good enough to transfer, is it good enough to meet the Panhellenic requirements? And even if it is, each house has their own cut offs and they are typically high. (3.5-3.2 at the university I advise and 3.6-3.1 at my D’s university). So it is important that you understand your academic performance could have an impact on your recruitment efforts.</p>
<p>With that said, if you go into recruitment thinking the problems in your world don’t start with you, then it will be a rough road. If you go in knowing you 100% control how you present yourself and how conversation can play a huge role in your outcome, you will then have the ability to mold those conversations in your favor. If you storm into a house an tell people the way you see it; especially if your opinion can be generally seen as offensive, your party card will be empty the next day.</p>
<p>Sorority women like diversity inside their comfort zone. Some comfort zones are larger than others. Since Vandy has winter recruitment, you probably have already formed opinions on houses you like and don’t like. Your opinion has no relevance. What is relevant is if they like you. People will tell you recruitment is a mutal selection process. It is to an extent, but the sororities choose first and if no one chooses you, you have nothing to choose from. If recruitment is truly important to you, make sure you understand the process and try to wear a filter on your pie hole.</p>
<p>I second what is stated above by collegeshopping. If I encountered you during recruitment and you acted like you have in this thread, I would ensure that you didn’t receive a bid to my chapter. </p>
<p>In addition, because Vandy has winter recruitment, sorority women can also form opinions of you. If you’ve made a favorable impression on sorority women you’ve met, then this can help in the recruitment process. On the contrary, if you haven’t made a favorable impression…well, then things may be difficult for you. We remember, both good and bad.</p>
<p>Sorority recruitment is a challenge at southern schools, and I hope you realize what you’re getting into. While Vandy isn’t as southern as say, Bama or Ole Miss, they are still an ‘SEC’-type school and don’t underestimate that. If you haven’t gotten recommendation letters for most chapters, if not all, then I would highly advise that you do so. They can give you a half step up on other PNMs. In addition, collegeshopping is right in that while recruitment is ‘mutual selection,’ it is only mutual selection for those PNMs with full schedules of parties. You may rank all sororities, but if only your last 3 choice chapters invite you back, your party list the next day will only have those 3 sororities. </p>
<p>Please, please understand what you are getting into before you decide to do it. Don’t just go through recruitment because you think joining a sorority is the answer to all of your problems. It’s not. It’s a lot of hard work and is a lifelong commitment. I also suspect that even if you get a bid to chapter XYZ, you won’t be happy because it’s not chapter ABC. No sorority wants one of those members in their chapter</p>
<p>re: blocking- I give frank advice because I think that is what you need. If there was an easy obvious solution inside your comfort zone you probably already would have done it. </p>
<p>A therapist is also probably going to at times tell you things you dont want to hear, and ask you to do things you find threatening. Not to say they are right- you will still have to mull over if there is sense in what they tell you. Just be aware that your nature is a responsive pushback.</p>
<p>Have you looked into any clubs that are involved with something you are passionately interested in? Not just something that seems mildly interesting, but something that you truly love? If you get involved in something that you are spending a lot of time at, you will get a chance to know other people far more than just stopping by for some random meeting. Consider, perhaps, the passion comes first and then the friends will follow.</p>
<p>Kids that are involved in Theatre are often not the usual cookie cutter sort of student, and are generally more accepting of people who don’t conform. But of course, it’s not for everyone.</p>
<p>It will not matter how you change the external situation, OP.
Why you feel that you " don’t fit in", is not determined by others, ( & why you feel that is more important than any other criteria) but is determined by the beliefs you hold internally.
No one can change that but you.</p>
<p>But maybe you should get a check-up.
[Testosterone</a> makes us less cooperative and more egocentric](<a href=“http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/01/120131210259.htm]Testosterone”>Testosterone makes us less cooperative and more egocentric -- ScienceDaily)</p>
<p>OP, getting mad generally works best when it empowers- go do something worthwhile and build your esteem that way. In fact, that was arg’s first advice. </p>
<p>We understand your disconnect, on several levels- the academics, the social and the personal effect. We’ve been there. Nearly every person out there has been through it or will, at some points in their lives. We are telling you that, just as the wizard told Dorothy, the power has always been yours. Or, as a friend used to say, “When all else fails, the one thing you can control is your attitude.” </p>
<p>Just a you want strokes, so does the next guy. You will have to make a choice, one which is totally in your control: test people, let it all hang out, feel the satisfaction of being exactly as you wish to be- and reap those results. OR, add a filter, that nonosecond before you speak; decide how to be “nice” and likeable- and enjoy the bennies, both social and personal. Get off an anon forum and go read the darned Dale Carnegie book. </p>
<p>The choice is yours. Some need counseling or eventual meds, to help them with the filter. No harm in exploring that. Good luck, but we have no magic wand to wave.</p>
<p>OP only came back in the past two days to pick a fight with arg rather discuss advice others gave. This is a pattern with her.</p>
<p>I LOVE the Dale Carnegie advice. I had both my boys read it when they were in middle school. For some of us, this stuff comes easy. For others, not so much. Working on ourselves rather than blaming externals is a sign of maturity. It’s a small book and will take you one afternoon. I really think that reading it is great advice, OP.</p>
<p>Along the lines of Dale Carnegie, I love Toastmasters. </p>
<p>It has a structured program with concrete goals. And its a great place to get an outside mentor. </p>
<p>Looks like there is a chapter at Vanderbilt and 25 with in a 10 mile radius.</p>
<p>Oh, gawd, to see you in action at Toastmasters, arg!</p>
<p>The thing about D.C. is it’s so simple- and things we may not be aware of, but that work.</p>
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<p>I don’t know the OP through her posting history, but I was thinking the same thoughts as you.</p>
<p>chaosakita, you want friends, but are you also capable of being a good friend? In order to be a good friend, you have to be able to consider their needs as well as your own, you must listen as well or better than you talk, and you have to offer them something of yourself which they want to have more of. Edginess in small doses can be delightful, but if that is all you offer, than it becomes a big fat bore.</p>
<p>If it is a chore to be your friend, you will never have any long term friends, certainly not ones of any substance.</p>
<p>Get counseling…in order to really get to know yourself, so that others will be able to respond to who that person really is, and so that you can learn to live outside of yourself so that you can truly care about another person…so that YOU can be a friend worth having.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
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<p>It was like Roadhouse. I was the best in the business. People used to delay their speeches so I could be their evaluator. I won Districts. Then I went to States and ran into a buzz saw of skinny kid from law school.</p>
<p>I swore from that day I’d never evaluate again.</p>
<p>college_query-- that was a really thoughtful, kindly worded, helpful post written in a very caring way. </p>
<p>chaosakita – if you’ve been reading all these posts, I’d like to hear your thoughts and feedback. Is there something here that has helped you? How do you feel now about the next semester and perhaps trying some of the ideas proposed here?</p>
<p>OP- Many years ago when I was a freshman I had trouble making friends too. What helped me was getting a part time job. Perhaps you could get a job on campus in which you would meet other students while working?</p>
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<p>?_?</p>
<p>I’m wondering, where is this coming from? Do you think I’ve never had friends before?</p>
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<p>I’m sorry I don’t have the time to give everyone a through evaluation of their advice, but I’ve been occupied with other things. </p>
<p>Why do you think I was picking a fight? I was just honestly stating my opinion. I’ve never heard anyone give me bizarre advice, and they seem like they keep coming into this thread just to belittle my problems.</p>
<p>Hi all. </p>
<p>First, to the OP, I’m glad you posted and hope at some point you find the answers you seek.</p>
<p>To everyone else, I see some familiar names here, some going way back! I usually frequent other boards on CC, but our oldest is just starting to look at colleges, so I thought I’d peek in the Parent’s Forum to see what lay in front of us. As so often is the case, I’ve been very impressed with how generous you’ve all been with your advice in helping the OP. CC is an amazing resource. I’ve put a copy of Dale Carnegie’s book in my cart on Amazon as a reminder to get my kids to read it…this was a really good idea.</p>
<p>Chaosakita, people went out of their way to offer helpful advice, and you came back with sarcasm (“sorry I didn’t…”) and defensiveness instead of reflecting on your own role in this. It seems that you want any advice other than “examine yourself.” Seriously, think about counseling/therapy. The problem isn’t Vanderbilt. .</p>