<p>I've said all along that my kids "might" be able to go out of state if the program they wanted wasn't available in our state and they knew for sure that is what they wanted. My D doesn't have ANY idea what she wants to do. I've also told her she could go out of state if she got the cost down through scholarships etc to where it was comparable to in state. So, here's my dilemma. </p>
<p>Clemson offered her 15k/yr which on paper makes it the same as our flagship schools. In reality it isn't because of a pre-paid tuition plan that I have. The bottom line is that it will cost me 5-7k per year more for her to go OOS. </p>
<p>My other big problem is that IF she gets into W&M or UVA (which I think is quite possible), I think it would be a mistake to turn that quality down for Clemson. Don't get me wrong...Clemson is a great school, but I think most people would agree it is no UVA or W&M (not to mention it will cost me 20K+ more). </p>
<p>Her reluctance to go to either of those has more to do with perception than with anything else (too hard, too cold, too close to home, too high a suicide rate so there must be ridiculous pressure- blah blah blah)</p>
<p>What are the in-state public options being compared against?</p>
<p>From your daughter’s point of view, it looks like you may not be giving consistent messages about cost of OOS public schools (“Clemson is too expensive”) versus desirability of the OOS public schools (“would not want to turn down UVA/W&M”). That does not seem like a good thing in terms of agreement as to which school to go to.</p>
<p>Do you know what her preference order of schools is, and what her reasons and criteria are?</p>
<p>Her preference is Clemson (by far), UVA, W&M (“I’m NOT going there and you can’t make me!!”)</p>
<p>But, that is based on things like her being cold the day she visited Charlottesville, or reading that W&M had some suicides the last few years. </p>
<p>Right now the in state options are only being considered against Clemson since that is the only one who has accepted her and given her an idea of money. She still has Tulane, Emory, UNC, and College of Charleston to hear from but I am not hopeful that they will be offering more than enough to put them on par with UVA’s and W&M’s cost.</p>
<p>Well, some parents set a $$ limit of what they will pay & say that whatever is above that, the kid pays via student loans, working summers & during the school year, etc. That helps the kid have more “skin in the game” and more carefully consider what the $$ will buy. Kids can change a lot between now & April when all acceptances & FAid packages come out, so I’d not sweat it too much until all the info is available.</p>
<p>I can see the dilemma. Some pre-paid tuitions are for the home state only, and are no help to an out-of-state student. If this is the kind you have, it’s tough on a parent that has tried to plan and sacrafice for the tuition, guessing student would go in-state.
Our method was to tell student how much money we were willing and able to give toward his college. He could apply that money to any school that accepted him, if it paid it all, ok, if not, he had to arrange to make up the difference.
This worked for us, best wishes to Op.</p>
You figure out what you are willing to pay for college before the kid applies, and then tell the kid that figure.</p>
<p>I let my kids apply wherever they wanted but they knew they would be attending the in-state public unless the OOS privates offered enough financial aid to bring the costs down to an equivalent. </p>
<p>You kind of box yourself in when you start having this conversation too late in the game.</p>
<p>Honestly, I’d put everything on hold until she hears from the in-state schools (and maybe tempers will cool in the meantime). After all decisions are in, I think it’s reasonable to talk with her about doing some admitted students events. Let the schools try to sell her if she gets in. She’ll also be talking with classmates about the in-state schools and maybe she’ll be more willing to listen to her peers than her dear old mom.</p>
<p>If your daughter had this to do over, and if you had given her a complete understanding of your family’s finances, including the prepaid tuition plan, I think she would have been well advised to apply to Virginia Tech, James Madison, Mary Washington, or any of the other very attractive schools in your state system that are not academic pressure cookers to the degree that UVa and W&M are. </p>
<p>But it’s too late for a do-over.</p>
<p>It sounds as though your daughter has made it clear that the academic intensity of UVa and W&M is a negative factor from her point of view. That’s a legitimate concern. And she has done what you asked of her – she found an out of state school that would give her enough aid to bring the cost down to the level of an in-state public. </p>
<p>Given all of this, I think that if you don’t let her go to Clemson, you may create a permanent rift between the two of you. From her point of view, it will seem that you are reneging on the conditions you set at the beginning of this process, and that’s never good for a relationship between two people.</p>
<p>I agree that you need to tell her what you can afford, then let her decide and contribute any difference. If Clemson fits what you’ve already told her, I think it’s a little too late to change the parameters unless you have had a change in financial circumstances.</p>
<p>Clemson is a great school – strong academics, very happy students overall, and a nice, very student-oriented college town. I can see why she’d want to attend. No, I’m not a graduate, but I know several people who went there. Their majors included engineering, computer science, education, and graphic communications. All are not only gainfully employed but have been quite successful in their fields.</p>
<p>If the simple fact is that Clemson is NOT really affordable, then you need to come clean about it with your daughter. And yes, the fact that your pre-paid plan won’t cover as much of Clemson as it appears to your daughter is something that you have to help her understand.</p>
<p>If Clemson IS affordable by your standards, then it needs to stay on the table and be considered with all of the other affordable options when your daughter has all of her admissions and aid information for all of the places on her list.</p>
<p>If you are expecting a change in family finances that make it necessary to change the “Anywhere as inexpensive as X” policy to an “Sorry but we have to go with the truly least expensive option” policy, then that is something that you need to let your daughter know about now - if not yesterday.</p>
<p>If it looks like you and your daughter are not going to be able to come to agreement on a college/university that your family will find affordable, then you need to offer her the option of a Gap Year so that she would have a bit more time think about her life goals and just exactly what kind of education/training will help her achieve those goals.</p>
<p>You’ve received good advise. I would only add unless Clemson is not a financial possibility, I would encourage you to wait this out until your student has all acceptances in hand. At that point if your student has the luxury of choice of the VA schools I would request they look again, make another trip either on accepted students day or a day of your students choosing. Students can change their opinions during these visits, however they are sure to dig in their heels if they feel they are being pushed.</p>
<p>If she hasn’t already applied to other Virginia schools that would involve your pre-paid tuition plan, she could put out some additional applications to keep her options open-
deadlines:
JMU January 15th
Virginia Tech January 17th
Mary Washington February 1st
If she is set on Clemson,is she willing to take on more loans, work more to make up a 5-7 thousand dollar in cost difference per year?</p>
<p>Marian, That is a good point but I wonder if some schools will allow the application to be submitted and paid for by deadline(identifying info,essays, etc) with the rest to follow?</p>
<p>I would never give up on applying to a university because the <em>high school</em> wasn’t going to meet the deadline. High schools blow deadlines all the time, even when the student applies in October. The university’s goal is to attract the best class it can, so it makes no sense to deny a student because the HS missed the app deadline by a few weeks. If the school is rolling, or the decisions have not been mailed, they are likely to admit a desirable candidate whose transcript came in late.</p>
<p>A Virginia resident who got a merit scholarship at Clemson is a very likely admit at VaTech and JMU. From a fit perspective, someone who adores Clemson is crazy not to apply to VaTech. In fact, someone who adores Clemson and resists VaTech is probably just being a teenager, not making a rational choice at all. She needs to apply to VT immediately and do the research later.</p>
<p>My teen did the “I won’t go to school where you work!” thing. Fine. Typical teen. We laid it out this way: I will pay “X”; how much debt you assume beyond that is entirely up to you. Then we backed out until she invited us back in (and that was mostly to listen while she talked).</p>
<p>She got tuition exchange at one school
She got a really nice fin aid package at another, but it did include loans.
She still chose to attend school at my employer because, once she got past the “this is where mom works” thing, she decided it would be the most fun. Right now she lives on campus (believe me, it’s best). But, I casually mentioned moving home jr/sr year and she cold have that R&B money for grad school. She’s seriously considering it. </p>
<p>If a kid has been responsible for any or his or her own upkeep during hs, she understands money. Lay out the finances and stand back.</p>
<p>If Clemson costs 5-7K more than your plan covers, that’s about the amount of a Stafford. Even a student taking out maximum Staffords does not finish school with unreasonable debt. If she’s willing to take out the loans to make up the difference, definitely leave Clemson on the table. She may surprise you come decision time, though.</p>
<p>Thanks for the help. I should add a few things. </p>
<p>@UCB Yes, UVA and W&M are in state schools. </p>
<p>D has also already been accepted to JMU but only applied with the hope of receiving one of their full ride scholarships (unfortunately, however, she missed the deadline for those). She has pretty much ruled them out for various reasons. </p>
<p>VT is just too big. They have 30k students while even Clemson and UVA are pushing her comfort zone with ~15k kids. </p>
<p>I think part of the problem is that she only wants (very?) highly ranked schools to reward her years of incredibly hard work, but doesn’t want one that is going to be SO hard that it (in her mind) increases suicide risk.</p>