<p>“Nearly all posters who were/are actual members of fraternities and sororities will tell you they were wonderful, worthwhile experiences (there will be a few exceptions to this). Nearly all posters have never been members of fraternities and sororities (and whose kids are not members) will reinforce the negative stereotypes about them.”</p>
<p>True enough. But it’s always good to have a sober outside observer. . . ;)</p>
<p>I told S1 that it was his life and he needed to assess the offerings on his campus – not only does the Greek system vary by campus and by house, it also varies according to year. He found a smaller group that he likes immensely. </p>
<p>When one chooses to be a Greek, then it means there is less time for other choices. I wasn’t too keen on the notion of trading a martial arts class for Beer pong (still am not), but I have been delighted to meet some of S’s “brothers” and they, in no way, fit the profile of some preppy snobby sort. His is clearly a diverse, articulate lot and I can see how he values their friendships. </p>
<p>One thing I didn’t anticipate was the leadership roles that a Greek house requires. Very quickly one is in charge of one thing or another – and some of that includes some very adult responsibility-- for house maintenance, for building security, for collecting monies and so on. Running the “80’s” party may sound like a gas but it sure parallels a lot of business project management operations that I have seen. Parking, trash cans, sound system, security, first aid, and food don’t appear by magic. </p>
<p>I’ll put the question of “Go Greek or Not?” in the same category as “Buy or Rent?” So much depends on the details for one to reach the decision that is right.</p>
<p>Anyone else feel like ACCecil is trollin’ like a pro?</p>
<p>“THIS IS ALL DIFFERENT CAMPUS BY CAMPUS” as PIZZAGIRL has repeated over and over. Not only that, each house on the same campus is different. At our campus we had the party animal house (I was in it), the jock house, the nerds, the pretty boys (fashion concious), the “odd/weird” guys. Etc. same thing with sororities. </p>
<p>When I first started there I was very anti-fraternity for all the stereotypical reasons. A friend of mine pledged a house , moved in there. I went over there a lot to hang out with him. Learned that it was much different than my ignorance led me to believe, and pledged myself. The rest is history.</p>
<p>Almost 30 years later about 6-10 of those guys are still really good friends that I see often. Did I “buy” those friends, I don’t know, don’t care, they are my friends, doesn’t matter how I got them. </p>
<p>The best part for me was being part of a community. My freshman year I knew no one at a school of about 30,000. It felt intimidating and isolated, lots of people around, but all of them are strangers, I felt like ia didn’t belong. I wasn’t a very outgoing person and didn’t make new friends very easily. Joining a fraternity changed all that. I felt part of something, knew lots of people on campus and came out of my shell and became more outgoing and social. I met my wife there as well, at a “Frat Party”. So I can’t complain. </p>
<p>My daughter now goes to the same school, and is in a sorority right across the street from my old fraternity. It’s giving her structure and responsibility, along with the social opportunites. It’s giving her skills that will serve her well in the real world, like it did with me. I think it’s pretty cool. </p>
<p>It’s not for everyone, if it’s not your thing, no problem do something else. But it works for a lot of people so let them be. Don’t make judgements unless you have facts to base it on.</p>
<p>Simbot: If there was a “like” button on cc, I would use it for your post.</p>
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<p>Exactly the same experience for my son who just finished pledging. It could not have been a better experience for him as a 1st semester freshman. It was hard work but he loves it and he went in not thinking he would join a fraternity.</p>
<p>Now that he is done pledging, he is getting involved in other clubs. It’s not an either/or thing. His SEC University is a very big on Greek Life but the members can decide for themselves how much involvement they want after pledging. He’s looking forward to living in the fraternity house next year.</p>
<p>I will add this: of his HS social circle, the few who didn’t join a fraternity or sorority at their respective colleges weren’t overly happy with their first semester experience. That first semester or two can be rough without a support group and that is what my son says his pledge class was like for him. Several of his guy friends who are at nearly schools (ranging from small LACs to other big universities) seem to spend every weekend at son’s school hanging out with him and his fraternity.</p>
<p>A few of my friends with college freshmen this year who didn’t join a Greek organization have said their kids wished they did. It’s definitely not for everyone but it does make the transition a lot easier for a lot of kids. Many of them don’t stay in the fraternity the whole 4 years but it gives them a base of friends that first year or two. As Simbot said, it gives people a sense of community that can be hard to come by at many schools, big or small.</p>
<p>BTW - my husband still gets together with his fraternity brothers several times a year, even after 30 years.</p>
<p>MomLive, I could have practically written your post (except the part about living in the house, and having a husband who was in a fraternity). My son also thought that he would never join a fraternity before he went to college.</p>
<p>My husband was in a fraternity and I was in a sorority. My husband had a great time but not not much more than that. I had a decent experience but thought rush was a horrid experience with such under currents of mean that I would call it an evil experience. Our son is a junior in high school and both my husband and I would prefer that he attend a college where there is no greek life. We prefer scenarios where everyone has the opportunity to be included without being judged on the superficial. We also want the focus to be on the education or community service etc… and not the social issues that come with a greek system. For the amount of money we are preparing to spend on an education I do not want to hear about any of the limiting nonsense that comes with greek life. Just my opinion based on my experience. I guess I am in the bad opinion camp!</p>
<p>I have a good and bad opinion of my D’s participation in a sorority. As others have mentioned, I am sure Greek life is different at each school. The good: the friendship, the companionship, the philanthropic activities, basically the social life and connections that make a big school smaller. The bad: the drinking, the partying, the time commitment, the girl drama now that she lives in the house (mandatory for a year), the arbitrary rules and the “outfit checks” and cattiness. I’m pretty sure she’ll drop it next year after study abroad and finding non-Greek friends whom she prefers.
Oh yes, the house was actually quite a bit cheaper than the dorms.
But the drinking, it’s awful, I don’t know if it’s the same or any worse among the non-Greeks, but it’s truly shocking.</p>
<p>OUTFIT CHECKS? Wow. Must be a different part of the country than where I went to college!!!</p>
<p>Drinking, partying, girl drama… I don’t know, but this sounds like general college issues to me, not specifically Greek life issues.</p>
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<p>I don’t think that sentiment and Greek life are at all mutually exclusive. As others have said, depends on the specific dynamics of the place, time, etc just like so many other experiences in life. </p>
<p>And on a different note, speaking as an adult with some life experience, I don’t think kids being exposed to some of the less pleasant scenarios of human behavior – one of the main arguments and stereotypes presented in opposition to Greek participation – is such a bad thing. I’ve dealt with more exclusionary and superficial behavior in the course of my professional life than I care to think about. But the answer for me, as I have also instilled in my kids, is recognizing the mechanics of such behaviors, being skillful at navigating it, and when appropriate, effectively confronting it head on. It’s hard to learn how to do those things on a strict diet of avoidance. </p>
<p>I’m neutral on Greek participation. I never did, never had an interest. But I’d support my kids participating if they had an interest. Even if it didn’t work out perfectly for them I think they’d learn something about life either way from having had the experience.</p>
<p>linymom and I never had outfit checks. Of course, those were the days of leg warmers, but still.</p>
<p>DD experience with the sorority have been very positive. She rushed during the first semester as that is the norm. It was good because she had more time available. The rushing was fun and happened during the first few weeks of the semester. </p>
<p>Rush: Each girl went through sororities she was interested in, meeting people and chatting. At the end of a prescribed period sororities called back girls they were interested in, for a second run. If a girl got called back to more than one sorority then they were allowed to only pick 3 for second run. After the second run, sororities called back girls for final run. If a girl was called to more than 1 sorority for the final call, they were forced to pick 1 and join.</p>
<p>DD rushed at 5, got call back from all, picked 3, got the final call from all, and picked one.</p>
<p>Dues: DD sorority has high dues of $700 per semester, wether or not you stay with the house.</p>
<p>House: The sorority house is a very beautiful house in a very nice part of the city provide an all inclusive (3 meals) accommodation. The house have a full time chef and food is nice as DD go there on weekends. Many of the Fraternities and Sororities houses are on the campus, so there is not much difference between dorm or house living.</p>
<p>Participation: At DD college more than 40% of girls belong in sororities.</p>
<p>Alcohol: Alcohol is not allowed in the sorority house. So all parties happen at Fraternities.</p>
<p>Social Scene: DD sorority organise formals every semester ( 2 to 3) which are arranged at good restaurants and fraternities are invited. Similarly sororities are invited to fraternities formals. So you can find one or more such events each month.</p>
<p>Cons: Alcohol is rampant in fraternities, as DD’s college alcohol policy is very lenient. Still the Fraternities at DD college known to have high GPAs with more than 50% of boys participating.</p>
<p>So other than rampant alcohol usage in Fraternities, no down side have come to our notice during DD 3 semester of participation.
On the brighter side the sorority provide opportunity to meet new people and making a social network that can boost spirit on low days. </p>
<p>Once again each college have different sorority/fraternity experience but till now at DD’s college it has been very fulfilling and DD is enjoying it.</p>
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<p>This surprises me. I would think that women would be far less safe drinking in a frat house than drinking in their own house.</p>
<p>^^^: I don’t think it is because of safety reasons, it seems that’s the city law.</p>
<p>Actually there are no national sororities or women’s fraternities that allow alcohol in their houses. All houses are required to be dry. All parties that sororities throw are dry or lcated in an outside location. I can’t ever even remember hearing about drinkng in the sorority house at small local sororities either.
If you have ever been inside a typical sorority house, they are normally little palaces. These women (and the alumni who fund capitol improvements) don’t want their places trashed. In fact, I can’t think of a sorority that has its own house that allow men upstairs as guests in the bedrooms either at my alma mater. Fraternity houses are a different story altogether, but a few national organizations have forced their houses to be dry as well for insurance purposes. It doesn’t mean that the member don’t drink-they just don’t do it at their house. It does cut down on the underage drinking and helps prevent binge drinking.</p>
<p>OP: Another interested fact to indicate that each campus is different. DD’s college is very strict with fraternities and sororities and that might be the reason for the pleasant experience.
DD’s college closed down (suspended) a Fraternity for 4 years last semester during the rush. Most likely the fraternity had violated rules regarding hazing.
Another fraternity was closed down for 10 years because of maintenance of the house few years back (prior to DD joining).</p>
<p>I’m another new convert. D just joined a sorority as a 2nd semester freshman. I wasn’t a fan of the idea, probably based on my own undergrad impressions from about 100 years ago. </p>
<p>I’ve been amazed to hear about the charitable activities, the study requirements, and their sisterhood (50-girls traveling several hours to go to a funeral to support a sister whose parent died, for example). Some people might conclude that their kids shouldn’t leave the campus, waste the time to go a funeral for someone they don’t know very, very well, or that participation was forced on some of the girls. D respected this sororities’ decision to do this. The welcome that D received from all of the girls was astounding to me. Bottom line - D is very happy with her choice, so I am too. </p>
<p>I still think this is a choice that is dependant on the person himself/herself, the Greek activities at the school, and then each particular Greek chapter. D did not receive positive impressions of every sorority at her school during rush. In her opinion, the rush process was about both the sorority and the candidates finding a connection to each other.</p>
<p>I’m not “for them” but I’m “not against them”…to each his own. We know a young man that is in an engineering fraternity at a top college. Beautiful house, great meals…but not too much for the parties. On campuses with an extensive greek system I think you find what you want with regard to the “scene.”</p>
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<p>The interesting thing is a lot of parents feel this way going in but once their kid joins a fraternity/sorority they are pleasantly surprised at the great experience their child has. Not to say that Greek life doesn’t have it down side - there is a lot of partying going on because of the social activities in general (though don’t kid yourself that non-Greeks don’t party - they do, in high percentages - drinking and smoking pot is rampage on lots of campuses with 73% of all college students drinking at least occasionally). Pledging can be very time-consuming and a certain level of hazing takes place in all fraternities (hazing can range from forcing pledges to wear a shirt and tie to classes or football games all the way to the more dangerous activities). They do tend to be expensive at some schools (son’s dues are $1,500 a year plus you are required to pay for the fraternity meal plan for all four years).</p>
<p>Believe me, I was very surprised that son chose to join a fraternity. We talked about it many times, the pros, the cons and he seemed to think he wasn’t going to go that route. But it appears to have been a good experience for him and so…once again, I’ve learned to never say never and that until you experience something first hand, all you are doing is forming your opinions based on information that may or may not turn out to be true for you and may or may not be factually correct. There’s a lot to be said for keeping an open mind.</p>