Frats/Sororities: Do You Have a Good or Bad Opinion?

Parents Forum
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<p>If it was up to me, which it most decidedly is not, my kids would have passed up Greek life. One did pass it up, at a school where it’s a low-key presence, because she didn’t want to part with the money for dues. However, she dated a guy in a frat for 3 years, got to know the other brothers well as a little sister (don’t know whether that was an official title or not:)), and remains friendly with many of them 5 years after graduation. She enjoyed her unique perspective on Greek life and has no regrets about not rushing. At her school, there’s an inclusive social scene and friendships are not limited to Greek/non-Greek.</p>

<p>The middle d thought hard about Greek life during her first semester at a school where frats/sororities are a real presence, decided to participate, and eventually wound up on Panhellenic Council with some heavy-duty responsibilities. She thrived on it and had many opportunities for travel, public speaking, and meaningful fundraising for her house’s philanthropy. It undeniably gave her a polish and social confidence she didn’t have before. Sure, she could have developed those in other ways, and probably would have - but Greek life is where she did.</p>

<p>The youngest, at d1’s school, was influenced (not to say hypnotized) by d2’s positive attitude and has been very happy in Greek life since freshman year. She’s had some emotional challenges over the past few years and her sorority responsibilities, and sisters, have given her much comfort and support.</p>

<p>I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it yet, but I think a sorority’s greatest advantage is the big sister/little sister relationship. It basically meant that an older student made it her job to welcome, mentor, encourage, and kind of adopt my kids during freshman year. Of course relationships like this occur elsewhere, but Greek life made it happen for my kids at a time they really needed it.</p>

<p>So why would I rather my kids had passed up Greek life? I’m just not happy about the selection process and never will be, however similar it may be to real-life friend-making, as some will say. But I can see the benefits of Greek life, in sororities especially.</p>

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<p>Neonzeus…I think that it’s lovely that so many of the girl’s sisters came to support her when she lost a parent. I would only hope for the same if my D were in the same situation…let’s hope she wont be…I have heard of this type of thing many times within the Greek community, which I would consider a BIG positive.</p>

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<p>I joined a sororiety 25 yrs ago. Great experience for a big school. Absolutely no negative hazing as well as when picking the next pledge class. Girls rose to the top of who you wanted to to join. Those were the ones who got the invitations. Never a negative word was said about other potential members. I don’t know if that’s still the case.</p>

<p>The parties were the best. :)</p>

<p>S pledged a frat, he loves it but it put way too much time into it vs. studying his 2nd semster. I like the idea of the schools that restrict pledging to sophomore year. Let the kids mature and make friends with their classmates and then do the fraternity.</p>

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<p>I have participated in a few threads about Greek life, but for those of you who don’t know me here goes: One of my kids is/was Greek, others weren’t. I was a Greek at the same university where my girls went/go. The campus is very Greek with a very competitive recruitment.</p>

<p>There are pluses and minuses in joining any organization. You don’t buy friends in a sorority or fraternity any more than when you join the DAR, Young Democrats or any other organization. If the Greeks are housed it is a whole lot easier to find housing. (at a school like Cal this is a Godsend according to a friend.) NPC Sororities are far more diverse than they used to be…but then again there are very powerful African American groups as well as Asian and Latino groups.</p>

<p>Depending on campus rush is or isn’t competitive. Ours is. BUT this may be the first time Little Sally or Bobby isn’t the first choice and that makes some parents and kids angry. It isn’t always fair, just as life isn’t always fair. And there may be 50 or 60 class presidents in your college freshman class. Only one of you gets to be president. But you can, generally, still belong. Some kids say that if they can’t join the “best” (whatever that ultimately means) house they aren’t joining. </p>

<p>Our university has outfit checks, recs, legacies…other schools have flipflops and cutoffs. See your campus culture and decide for yourself what your kid wants to do. This isn’t rocket science: You join or you don’t (and excuse me while I shudder when I hear girls say “I just have to be a XXX, I felt something!” no, it was exhaustion and hormones. Nothing evil or magical happens when yoou pledge. You meet new people through the process and in your house. You laugh and cry. Hopefully study…oh, and there is a job network within the house. On that, trust me, I know. Other than that…it’s a college organization that you can be a part of for the rest of your life.</p>

<p>So, excuse me…I’m helping to plan the shower for a sister’s (sorority) kid.</p>

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<p>I am not a sorority girl. My husband was not a Fraternity guy. My daughter rushed during Welcome Week, before classes even started her freshman year. My husband and I had our doubts. But when he died in her second quarter of freshman year she had tremendous support from her sisters. And that sorority has given her leadership opportunities and network possibilities galore. And now I am sold.</p>

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<p>Sorry for your loss, UCD.</p>

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<p>I too am sorry for your loss. I am happy that you and your daughter received support.</p>

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<p>OMG … OP (ACCecil), aren’t you the one who started a thread about how you didn’t like your son’s girlfriend (nothing wrong with her, she was perfectly nice and son liked her, but she wasn’t pretty enough for your taste and thought son could do better, and wanted to know how to convince son to dump her)? </p>

<p>If such is the case, I don’t really think you’re in much position to be complaining about the superficiality of the Greek system.</p>

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<p>Pizzagirl you nailed it. I knew the moniker was familiar. I think that your recollection of the general query/topic kind of says it all.</p>

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<p>My son is a freshman at an LAC and just informed us that he completed interviews and gained acceptance to a fraternity, to say the least he was very excited. Hopefully he can manage playing lacrosse, school work, and fraternity commitments. Had a solid first freshman semester (3.0 gpa), worried that he will not be able to keep it up. We told him that if his school work suffers than he has to drop something. Deal is he needs to graduate in 4 years or the extra cost is on him.</p>

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<p>As always on these threads, I want to give a shout out to historically black fraternities and sororities, which seem different from what you typically hear about with more “mainstream greeks”. Yes, at least the old school pledging was pretty brutal, but the BIG deal about them is what happens at the graduate level. Among “grown ups”, these organizations are very active, and do a great deal for their communities, especially with regard to fostering education.</p>

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<p>Pizzagirl & ellebud’s recollection reminds me of the aphorism that marrying a woman for her beauty makes as much sense as eating a canary for its song.</p>

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<p>If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife!</p>

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<p>^^^:Now I know the cause of all my troubles.</p>

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<p>I just want to say- while true of most houses, some really, truly don’t haze at all. My house doesn’t.</p>

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<p>I went to college in the early 70’s. I was the biggest nerd in HS and went to school to study engineering (of course). I lived close enough to the college that I was summer rushed by several fraternities. Ended up joining one. For me and the school I attended it was the best decision I ever made. Would that be true for everyone and at other schools, of course NOT.</p>

<p>However, as a living group that did everything for ourselves, including cooking the meals (and cooking for 50 people is a real trip). I came out of my shell. Being in the fraternity taught me a lot of social skills that faired well in the work-a-day world. I was also able to easily earn some spending money by being one the cooks. Not everyone wanted to cook and some were terrible cooks, so it was a paid position that you applied for (and were “tested” on early in the school year). Being steward (ie. meal planning and ordering the food) taught me to be organized and responsible. And I made a bunch of lifelong friends, friends who looked after one another (A whole set of stories there).</p>

<p>My son went to college and had no interest in joining a fraternity. I supported his choice as that is what he decided. </p>

<p>My daughter, a freshman, just pledged a sorority. I also support her choice. </p>

<p>Everyone and every school situation is different. I only asked my kids to keep their options open and make the choice that they felt was in their best interests as the the question of joining a fraternity/sorority.</p>

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<p>arbiter123: Glad to hear the positives of Greek life in Evanston. That’s where PizzaGirl and I had our experience :)</p>

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<p>Haha, I know. You should come by the Northwestern forum more often :P</p>

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<p>I did not read through this whole thread, nor did I participate in the other thread that was mentioned early in this one; however, when I went to undergraduate school (large Midwestern state school), I thought the the Greek system added a healthy competitiveness to the campus, which made life better for everyone.</p>

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<p>They’ll take time away from your studies, and you’ll get to know a lot of people more deeply and make lifelong friends. I’m glad I was in a frat, but I know I would have done better in school were I not.</p>