Up until now, I’ve just been focusing on school and grades, going to school, coming home, doing homework, and going to school again. A dreaded cycle I’m stuck in. I have been an introvert for my entire life and never really made any friends or talked to people (I usually don’t initiate conversations but join in when people talk to me). I don’t like being in large crowds like events or school assemblies. I have no extracurriculars and basically no life and literally no knowledge of simple things that people talk about everyday: sports, popular movies, popular celebrities. I feel as if I’m isolated and I always say that I want to change Sophomore year and take on extracurriculars but I know deep inside I won’t take action because I feel awkward just thinking about it. The other day this girl from my Algebra suggested I get some friends and go to school events like sports games + some others but I’m just feel too awkward about doing activities or going to events because I’ve never really done them. I really want to change my life because I basically have no life, how do I initiate this change? It just feels really awkward for me and I’m not sure why. I’ve even contemplated skipping graduation ceremony in the future because of the way I am and it’s like two sides arguing to do it and not to do it and the one telling me to skip it is winning… Need some next level advice if anyone could provide it that would be awesome. STRANDED…
It’s probably good to try therapy if at all possible.
Otherwise, what are the things you like to do? Find some extracurriculars that really interest you for the sake of themselves, not for meeting people. It’s normally much easier to talk to people of you have a set topic. Also, whether you feel awkward or not shouldn’t influence what you’re doing. It’s perfectly possible to feel awkward but still do whatever needs to be done. You have more power over your actions than over your feelings.
I think the more you think about something, the bigger it gets and the more it can scare you. I always tell my kids to take one step at a time. Maybe make of list of a few high school clubs that interest you and go to one of their meetings. Even if you feel awkward, gather the courage to go. It’s ok to feel awkward because most teens your age feel awkward - even the “social” ones. I have one teen who was an introvert in high school and one that is an extrovert and even my extrovert child feels awkward in many situations that are out of her comfort zone. Don’t feel too shy to reach out for help - there are many people around you that can help or at least let you know that you aren’t the only one feeling this way.
Find an adult to speak to. You need more help than simple advice you could get from a stranger.
But since you asked…you need to try activities that you MAY like. If not, try the next thing. Once you enjoy the activity, you’ll get comfortable speaking to peers in the same activity. If studying is so important to you, see if you can make a study group either in a class you need help and/or where you can help others. People who help each other form a bond, which can lead to other things too.
How well do you know the girl from algebra? can you go with her & friends to a game? Could you just call/text her about a homework problem?
I would start small. Maybe read cnn.com to keep up on news. or if they are talking about a show, say "What is that show about? Do you think I shoudl try it? and then maybe try it and see if you like it.
Think of any type of activity you might like to do…service clubs are good, because you help others and can interact with people in the club. Do you like writing? Chess? sports?
Talk to your guidance counselor or school psychologist…tell them you want to make more friends but don’t know where to start. They will have ideas for you.
I agree with taking it one step at a time. Find a club or activity that also fits your personality. You don’t have to join the largest club or something that makes you feel uncomfortable. There are many clubs and activities that are academically based - Math Team, Science Olympiad, Honor Societies, Debate Team. I would also suggest talking to a teacher. Maybe one you feel comfortable with or in a subject you excel at. Maybe they can help you start a study group or have you be a tutor. These activities would start in small groups and as you get more comfortable you can expand your horizons. Good luck and please remember you are not alone. The first step is always the hardest but you have already done that by recognizing that you want to change something.
Try an activity where you can be part of a group and separate without the need to interact socially. ECs that come to mind include chorus or choir, pep club where you can sit at the edge during games, etc. Volunteer at a library or thrift store where you will have minimal interaction. Swim laps at the Y. There are all sorts of activities where you can participate, find friends, learn something such as casual conversation, and be comfortable with greetings. Saying good morning, thanks, can I open or hold the door for and so on provide an easy polite way to be social.
Talking to a school psychologist might be helpful, I don’t have experience with them. Wouldn’t hurt I imagine.
What about your parents, can you discuss this with them?
I think the key here is to find a small group of people you have common interests with. Going to sports games might not be it. My kid had trouble making friends until in 8th grade he was in an advanced math class with only 12 other people. He’s still friends with several of them.
@symmboL Yes I would try talking to the school Psychologist, and see how it goes.
If they are helpful, go again, if not maybe your parents can find one outside the school.
This is very personal and one may click with you and another may not.
Sometimes medical insurance can cover the cost to see one outside the school if you want to try a different one.
Their job is to discuss any problems you have and suggest solutions you can try to meet your goals.
Why not get their suggestions ?