<p>I agree whole heartedly with 3togo's advice above. My daughter was unhappy as a freshman at an LAC last year. It was totally out of character for her to be unhappy in a new situation, as she is quite outgoing and has always thrived and been happy in almost any new situation since she was very young, e.g. day care, school, day camp, Girl Scouts, traveling to Spain for a summer program alone while in h.s., etc. Her issues were the isolation (rural location) and the focus on drinking in the social life. She did get involved with things, excelled in her academics, and made some close friends, but she was just basically unhappy, as she is a social person and did not like not feeling part of the swing of things and being in her room alone while others were out drinking. She did want to remain at a small LAC, as she definitely enjoyed the small classes, knowing her professors well, etc, and she only applied to two transfer schools, after carefully researching to find LACs which were not as isolated, which were strong in her areas of academic interest, and which had less of a focus on drinking in the social life. She intentionally did not apply to other schools with an enviroment similar to the school where she was unhappy. Her idea was that if she was not admitted to one of the two schools, she would make do at the first school, but if she could transfer to an excellent school (as good or better than her current school) in a less isolated location with a less alcohol-centered social life, it would be win-win situation for her. She was fortunately accepted at both transfer schools (and ALL of her courses were accepted for transfer credit at the school she is attending.) Even though the new school was said to be different than her first school in the factors in mentioned above, she was still somewhat worried before she went that there was something wrong with HER for not liking the first college, and that she would have similar problems at her new school. However, so far, so good - she is thriving at her new school, has gotten involved with things and has made friends, and has not had any adjustment problems or problems with meeting people due to being a transfer student. So in her case, it has worked out well. I do agree that the OPs son perhaps should give his school more of a chance, as my daughter did not decide to apply to transfer until Christmas break and actually did not decide to actually go through with the transfer until after she received her acceptances.</p>
<p>coz, has your son spent any time at the school where he wants to transfer? If not, it might be a good idea for him to spend a couple weekends there, if possible to get a feel if it is really different.</p>
<p>My son has looked at transferring since Oct. of last year. I think he has decided to stay where he is--not because he is totally in love with the place--but more because after looking and spending time at others, he sees that there are "issues" there too. The list of positives and negatives might be (most likely are) different at each institution, but he feels that trying to adjust as the "new" person again on top of dealing with negatives (that he might not even recognize until living in the environment) weighs him in on the side of staying where he is.</p>
<p>Is it the right decision? I certainly don't know, but we will leave it to him. I hope your son is happy with whatever he decides.</p>
<p>There are plenty of instances where college freshmen are unhappy with their choice of college. Sometimes this is related to the difficulties of adjusting to college life and a major life change. I do believe many kids (and parents) make poor choices and can correct the mistakes by transferring. My D looked at several highly ranked LAC's and rejected almost all of them for non-academic reasons. The drinking and drug cultures were her main reasons. It is true that alcohol and drugs are everywhere, but there are major differences between colleges. At many colleges, not being in the alcohol/drug culture is really no fun. Sure no one will make a student partake but a student who is not comfortable with the predominant culture can be very unhappy and isolated. There are colleges where alcohol and drugs are less mainstream and the administration acts to limit their prevalence.</p>
<p>cozineave
I am going through somewhat the same issues with my D. She has told me several times that she wishes to transfer to another school that she was accepted to and is much closer to home (a 10 minute bike ride versus 700 miles). She did check the school's transfer policy on-line and determined that they do not accept transfers in the middle of the year. I am relieved because although I would love to have her closer to home, I feel that a lot of her issues are of the type raised in Interesteddad's posts. She is clearly homesick, has not made close friends yet, is not into the drinking culture and perhaps most significantly, is dealing with the tragic loss of her best friend several months ago. I feel that only the homesickness issue can be resolved with the transfer and I think that is the one most likely to resolve itself over time. She is not unhappy enough to want to leave at the semester and take off spring semester or go to community college so I think (hope) that things will be better by the time a transfer decision needs to be made. She plays a spring varsity sport, which she would not play at the transfer school, so I think that will help as well. Anyway, my advice is to check into the January transfer. If it isn't possible, I would encourage your son to stay through the year. It sounds like, although it may not be a great fit, staying would be better than taking off a semester. If he can transfer, you have a harder decision but if you feel he has good reasons why the current school doesn't fit and the transfer school does, I would encourage the transfer.</p>
<p>I was so happy that my Mom helped me do the college search all over again in November and I started again in January at a new college much happier ( and since I knew what I didn't like , I looked for what I really wanted ) .</p>
<p>My D also opted to transfer and one of the colleges that accepted her with an incredible aid /merit package , shooed her in during December immediately with the aid package intact .</p>
<p>So if your child wants to go to the school that offered him money , they may still have it . Good Luck !!</p>
<p>as the OP I want to thank you all for such a thorough and thoughtful discussion. I have read every post. In retrospect I felt perhaps I was being rash. Thank you for causing me to cool my heels a bit. I still think this school may not have been the best fit but on the other hand, he is getting A's as of midterms. I think he has issues that must be resolved no matter what the school. </p>
<p>Fit and culture are extremely important --but this school had his major (not available everywhere) and gave him a fantastic aid package. That did influence us more than culture. For him the culture is not ideal. He was also accepted to his very top choice, but they offered him a small aid package. It was a better culture for him but required $160K of debt. </p>
<p>There are so many factors --I do believe that the school he wants to transfer to would be a better fit, but in his hard times (socially) the support people at the LAC have been very helpful and encouraging to him. He has no guarantee that he would meet with so much accommodation and gentleness (from adminstration) at the new school, should he similarly run into trouble.</p>
<p>He is going to transfer to a wellness dorm, and to stay the course for at least this year.</p>
<p>cozineave:</p>
<p>Applause. Applause. As a parent, I would feel a lot more comfortable supporting a transfer after a good-faith effort to workh through the situation. If he still wants to transfer in April, then so be it.</p>
<p>There is just so much hitting these kids first semester freshman year, like a ton of bricks being dropped on their heads, that mkes it difficult to help them sort through things in any measured fashion.</p>
<p>I know that your son's unhappiness is not at all unusual and that it is equally common for that unhappiness to resolve itself over time -- and the natural gravitation of like-minded kids finding each other on a campus. The critical mass of "kids gone wild" in some freshman dorms exacerbates the problems immensely for a kid who does not want to go wild. That kid can feel very isolated with no sense of perspective that might come from hanging out with some "elders" in the dorm.</p>
<p>I have no idea which school your son is at, but I guarantee that there are signficant numbers of "A" students at all of them who are very much involved in more moderate social activities -- even at the more notorious party schools.</p>
<p>On the support services: I had never given explicit thought to those activities until the parents took a tour of the Deans offices, health center, counseling center, etc. during orientation and met the people in person. I came a way with a very positive impression. The people in these offices struck me as realistic in viewpoint (they have literally seen it all) and fundamentally kind in nature. I came away with a strong feeling that parents should encourage their kids to use these (and academic) support services. This message was prominent in the Q&A session with graduating seniors...they all urged that parents encourage their kids to use the resources, whether it was getting a dean to resolve a housing issue or using the peer-review mechanism for papers.</p>
<p>"I'm not saying that your son isn't in a totally untenable situation, but even if he were I highly doubt it is representative of the overall 4-year experience at his college or that he won't find a lot of like-minded friends. I have a sneaking suspicion that there is more going on here and that you are hearing an easy complaint. If I were getting this story from my college kid, I would be sympathetic, but I would be trying to see if there is more to the story and I would not be jumping up and down to support throwing in the towel after just two months.</p>
<p>Before I supported something as drastic as transfering after one semester, I would want to know that my kid had explored the resources available at the school to try and resolve the problem. "</p>
<p>I'd like to jump on the bandwagon here- OP, I do sincerely hope that your S will find the wellness dorm to be a better fit for him. It's my biggest regret about transferring out of my last school- that I never tried to change dorms (well, who wants to move down 1/2 mile in the middle of the winter...). </p>
<p>It is so easy to pile on "easy" complaints on parents- which I did over how I disliked the area or the student body's high tolerance for drugs. Since no one seemed to be buying the fact that I was <em>really</em> unhappy at my last school, I had to give a little bit more each time I made my argument that I wanted to transfer out. Even the transfer application process made me think WHY I wanted to leave as the essay will ask why I want to attend the new school. Admissions, I'm sure, can see right through essays on whether the student has put thought into transferring or not- that includes doing research on potential departments and student organizations. It wasn't really until April when I had to beg my mom for support that I wanted OUT when she found out the truth behind it-which she kind of saw for herself, heh.</p>
<p>Keep asking questions and encourage support but don't go lassiez-faire, especially it's your money that's going someplace else. Have you done parents' weekend yet?</p>
<p>Sometimes talking to a class dean or a professor can be a very scary thing so it's much easier to talk with an academic advisor (because s/he most likely won't be filling out any paperwork and IS the advisor) or to an upperclassman or a psychologist. I found in my experience that professors and deans can be blantantly biased about the school, or so in my experience. See if your S can make a connection with one of these people :) It goes a very, very long way.</p>