<p>Need some advice from more experienced parents of college kids. Our kid is a freshman at an out-of-state public school (on an out-of-state scholarship). He's doing great academically, has several friends, a wonderful roommate, is involved in a club and seems to enjoy living away from home. </p>
<p>However, he has applied to transfer back to the university near our home. Says he thinks it would a better fit. School near our home is also a large, public U. (While his out-of-state school is higher ranked, neither are top tier schools so ratings likely don't matter here.) He would live at home if he transfers back. During his spring break, he visited nearby campus again recently and that seemed to cement his decision to switch schools. </p>
<p>As an aside, our kid is the type (earned 36 AP credits, above-average high school student but not a top-flier, not a partier, also a little shy) who really would have thrived at an LAC or other smaller private college, but financially those choices didn't work out for our family and our family's budget last year (even with some generous merit offers) when he was picking schools. </p>
<p>We encouraged him to go to the nearby in-state public and then transfer to where he really wanted to go after two years, but he wanted to live away from home at that point and picked a public school he liked and that worked financially. (Plus, the larger LAC merit offers don't seem to apply to transfers, so he was afraid we wouldn't be able to afford the transfer either with significant debt.)</p>
<p>How do we help advise our student? Could he just be homesick? We don't want him to give up a good scholarship or end up wanting to transfer again. Anyone might have some insight here on what's likely going on? I thought we were over the agony of the decision, applications and the like. :)</p>
<p>Sounds he already made his decision to come back home.
What did he say to you about why he is moving back home?
Other than a better fit, did he have a failed relationship that he want to forget at the OOS school?
Financially, can your family afford to have him at he nearby school, or will all the merit money disappear?
Why is he reluctant to tell you the whole story?</p>
<p>I’m in a similar situation, so looking forward to what people advise. My son had a tough (academically and psychologically) first semester. He is now doing well academically but insists he wants to transfer, complaining that he doesn’t really like the people that much at his current school. Problem is, he’s made no effort to get to know other students - he hangs out with his roommate and his roommate’s buddies. I don’t believe either of the our two main state campuses will be any better fit; he’s simply counting in his high school buddies to become the crux of his social life.</p>
<p>Battlo, while he would lose his scholarship out of state, he would live at home here so the cost would be a bit less. He hasn’t heard yet if he’ll be eligible for any scholarships at the new school, but it isn’t looking likely. Most of those initial nice scholarships were to lure freshmen (and ironically, he did receive a nice offer from that very school last year). Part of issue does seem to be that the current school is in a much smaller town than the one we live in. Not that it’s bright lights, big city here at home. I think you are right. He’s made his decision. I just need to pry more out of him.</p>
<p>And my initial post should say WITHOUT significant debt.</p>
<p>Your s sounds responsible and reasonable so you gotta go with what he deems best for his future.
He comes home to the nearby school in good academic standing.
He had to leave home to appreciate what he had all along.</p>
<p>I think there have been numerous ‘debates’ on CC about what type of school is best for the …“above-average high school student but not a top-flier, not a partier, also a little shy” . This describes my son perfectly and my gut tells me that a LAC would be best but,for right now, he seems a bit more drawn to the big rah-rah schools.</p>
<p>I think kids like ours may need a bigger social pool to pick from so the larger rah-rah schools are a benefit in that department. And my son liked having lots of clubs/opportunities to pick from. He also didn’t feel any peer pressure at the larger college to drink or socialize out of his element as there were many other kids like him and many choices of things to do. </p>
<p>However, I also know that my kid thrives academically in smaller classes with lots of debate and conversation. He needs those professors who are going to take an interest in him (and the rest of the students) and who are going to encourage him to speak up and be involved. At the larger college, that doesn’t seem to happen – at least not so far. My friends with kids at LACs report much better experiences (though not perfect) in the academic world for their freshmen.</p>
<p>And Batllo, you’re right. He is very responsible and he does seem to be thinking things through (he’s very concerned about loan debt, for instance). I’d just hate for him to make a poor decision because of some undiagnosed homesickness or other issue I can’t decipher.</p>
They sometimes say this (there are ‘no’ friend-worthy people at the school) but that’s logically nonsense since his school likely has at least a few thousand kids at it with remarkable similarities to him (same age group, also picked that school to attend, same major, etc.). We also logically know that often the HS bunch has moved on and it’s not the same as it was in HS - he might find that it own’t be what he’s expecting it to be.</p>
<p>Now - to get him to think logically and realistically about this…</p>
<p>Yes, GladGradDad, you’re on the nose with the problem - and the hard-to-come-by solution. I also think girls are a factor. At home he’s always been popular with the ladies and had a large group of girl-friends (not just girlfriends, but good friends who are girls.) He’s now at a campus where, HE CLAIMS, girls go for football players and cowboys, the bigger the better. Son is 5’11 and weighs 123 lbs. To call him a toothpick would be an insult to a toothpick.</p>
<p>Haystack, I’m not a big believer in small schools – although of course not all LACs are small. I think there’s a lot to be said for a very diverse student body where any kind of student is likely to find a peer group. That said, it’s easy for a shyer-type student to get lost in an enormous public; many of those schools also require a certain amount of confidence/assertiveness just to get the classes you need and to graduate on time.</p>
<p>I tried to convince my son to seriously consider San Francisco University. Not an LAC but smaller than many schools and in a fabulous city. Didn’t work :(</p>
<p>Re: self-confidence: Not only to get the classes they want, Katliamom, but to have the confidence to assert themselves in the bureaucracy of the larger school. Son had to deal with at least two obstacles this year. One with AP credits not being recorded and one with a prerequisite that he satisfied first semester not showing up correctly on the computer so that he could take the second semester course. He got turned away a couple of times by the department gatekeepers before anyone would listen to him. First son is shy, but knows when he has to rally. If this had been my second son, he would have given up when one of the gatekeepers said, “We wouldn’t make that kind of mistake.” (A comment that was actually uttered to S1.) I will add that once S1 got to the right folks, they were very nice and helpful about fixing the errors, but he had to get to the right folks.</p>
<p>Batllo - mine too seems reluctant to tell the whole story. I have never felt that he was happy all year, despite him telling me everything was “fine”. The final decision phone call was a mix of being overwhelmed academically - a bad test grade, a surprisingly bad grade on a paper, feeling he was “the only one” working like crazy & everyone else doing better, not sure what he wanted to study and getting freaked out by the email about registration, not sure where to live next year and that deadline looming and then many random, seemingly inane complaints. My heart breaks for him to be so confused, and so far away when feeling it. I spoke to a dear friend’s daughter that night, who is a year ahead of him, and had left her out of state school the second week into the second semester last year, and transferred back home & commutes. She is happy with her choice, but says that to this day she can’t really explain. So I guess we may never know the why. What we need to focus on is the what next. And now we are so pressed for time. And again, so far away. Very frustrating.</p>
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