I’m a freshman and after seven months here, I am still friendless.
I’m shy and rather anxious so going to clubs and socializing in class is super hard for me. I’ve been trying though. And I feel that I have some good acquaintances, but no friends yet.
My roommate and I don’t fight but it’s pretty clear she doesn’t like me. So there is no chance for us to be friends really.
I only have 5 more weeks here and I’m feeling really bad about this all… I mean isn’t it kinda pathetic that I still have no friends here? None of my friends go to the same college as me and they are all managing fine, but socially I’m falling behind. And everyone keeps telling me to keep my head up as I will make friends eventually but… I’m really losing help.
Loneliness is debilitating.
Is anyone else in the same boat? I see a form about someone being sad about it after 2 weeks but I’m at 7 weeks now with nobody…
@LuluCat - I think loneliness is more common in college than anyone wants to admit. This forum often has students posting that they are sad, lonely or friendless in college and it is so very unfortunate. College can be a wonderful bonding experience but some students simply struggle to find their peeps. 7 months is a long time and I feel for you. There are pinned threads on “what to try” to change your situation but the basic idea is - don’t keep doing what you are doing now, because something else needs to change to get you “out there” more. Getthing treatment for your anxiety may help. Some universities are better than others at giving students communities in which to find their friends so don’t feel like it’s all “on you” that this happened - sometimes it’s a fit issue. I don’t think there is one answer but my heart goes out to you and you should definitely know you aren’t the only lonely freshman.
I think you have done amazingly well so far. Please banish the thought that you are pathetic from your mind. Stop comparing yourself to your friends. They are not you.
Is it seven weeks, or months, btw? You say both. Not sure if you were admitted for winter/spring. It can take the whole year to settle in. Again, read the linked post. Regardless, both are normal.
Ask a good acquaintance to go for a coffee. Just be casual. “I feel like getting a coffee. Want to grab one with me if you aren’t busy?” Or ask someone what their summer plans are, and see where the conversation leads. Volunteer, join clubs, get a part time campus job. If it’s too late to do some of those things this semester, do it next semester. Keep up the good work.
@LuluCat I am sorry this is happening to you. There are many threads on CC where we posters have given ideas on how to make more friends so they are worth a read. In addition try to get a small part time job that is social. The coffee shop, snack bar, front desk, gym entrance whatever and wherever people are coming and going so you can hone your conversation skills and meet others. Be available around the right time. Not sure if you are in a dorm but around mealtimes be out and about and ask others if they want to go to dinner or lunch or breakfast. Check hall mates. Even if your roommate and you don’t get along see if you have something in common with others living nearby. Ask people to go to the gym, coffee, shopping, whatever you were already going to do alone.Join clubs or activities that you enjoy to meet similar people. Finally, volunteer for something you care about and find like minded people. A cancer walk or run, meals on wheels for seniors, tutoring elementary students etc can bring others who like the same causes. Good luck and hang in there. You must put yourself out there and sometimes if feels like too much out there to meet others but it will be worth it to find one true friend or many
@LuLuCat: Can you share some information about your current school ? Is it small or is it a large university, for example. Also, what are your interests ?
Hey lulu, I think you need to be fair to yourself, I know people who often think people don’t like them, this is rarely the case, your roommate is probably use to people approaching and talking to her so dosnt know how to engage with you either, I would recommend trying to talk with her first. Other than that join a club, dosnt have to be sports, maybe an improv group?
A lot of schools have “service fraternities”. These are nothing like the greek organizations that come to mind when you hear the word Fraternity. It’s not a group that has wild parties or anything like that. They are co-ed and do a lot of volunteer work in the community. They also host events, fundraisers, etc. This would be a non threatening way to meet more people. Think “Habitat for Humanity” type stuff where you’re actively engaged with others who are trying to help people in some way. If nothing else, you get to help people but my guess is the environment will lead to socializing. Good luck.
I am so sorry that you are going through this!! You are not pathetic please don’t feel the way. You are a valuable person with a lot to offer your school. It is hard sometimes to see others and you feel like they have it so easy making friends etc. But I agree that there are a lot of lonely kids in college. Social media doesn’t help so try not to look at that too much. No one posts them by themself doing homework on their bed or walking around a dining hall trying to find someone to eat with. Does your college have a counseling department? If they do you should talk to someone there about your anxiety. Get involved in a club at your school, most schools have so many clubs that you should find something that interests you. Like stated above a service organization is a great idea those into service are kind thoughtful people. I know it is hard to put yourself out there but it will pay off in the end. Sending you good thoughts
