It’s the end of Thanksgiving break, and I go back to school on Sunday night, but unforunately, I don’t want to. I don’t have any friends at school and while I’m not unhappy, I’m certainly not happy. I’m alone all the time, and I try not to be down about it, but it’s hard, especially since I got to hear all my old high school friends stories about having fun and going out with their new friends and meeting people and loving college, and I can’t relate. I’m not sure what I should do. I don’t dislike my school, I’m not doing poorly in classes, and I’m squeaking by, but I’m lonely. I’ve never felt so alone and empty in my life. I’m not sure if what is it. I put myself out there, I’m involved with clubs, I try to make friends but I nothing seems to stick. Part of me thinks I should transfer, but I’m afraid I’ll just run into the same issues at another school that I do at my current school. What should I do?
I “liked” your post because I liked that you reached out. That takes courage!
Do you have a counselor-type person at college whom you could talk to? Maybe there are issues that the universe is trying to get you to resolve, maybe it’s just bad luck with your choice of schools, who knows. But a nice, neutral person could help you work through it and give you some support.
Hang in there and I hope things get better soon!
I understand how you feel that’s the way I felt last year when I transfered in I tried to make friends but nobody was really my friend and while my roomate and I got along she was really moody and doesn’t like to go out and do things so it was hard because we’d sit in the room and I felt so lonely I cried. Eventually after next semester I finally made friends in my new classes. But I agree with @SouthFloridaMom9 I would try and go talk to a counsler about it. You seem like a really nice person and it will get better it’s my senior year and I just started to make really good friends (transfered in when junior) but I also felt so out of loop because all my home friends as well were going out and doing all this stuff. Do you have a roomate maybe you could go and hang out with?
But I agree hang in there it will get better I’ve been there and I know it’s not fun and it’s lonely but things will look up! Hope that helps a little!
I just read your previous post and wanted to know what you have tried since October - are you on the school newspaper? Is there a comedy or improv club at school you can join? Have you reached out to anybody in your classes or dorm and asked them if they wanted to grab lunch or have coffee? It’s difficult, but if you’re friendly and engage with people, they will often engage back. Most people want that connection! Your past history of depression worries me a bit - are your parents aware of what is going on and have you connected with your school’s counseling office? It can be difficult to find friends, but for someone with no prior history of having this difficulty it does make me wonder what you are doing to put yourself out there.
@PollyC I have joined the paper, but since it’s reporting, it’s done majority by oneself. There is very little collaboration with other students, and as of right now, we don’t have a proper newsroom because the school built a new jschool building over the summer, and the renovations on some of upper floors (where the newsroom will be), aren’t finished yet. The paper is currently running out of a little room with 5 or 6 computers in our student center, so it’s not exactly ideal for people to hang out there. I’m hoping that will change once the building is completely finished, which should be around the start of Spring Semester (early Jan), just because there will be much more room. Overall, I’m enjoying it. It’s helping to streamline my writing and I’m getting things to put in my portfolio, so I’m gaining experience, which is good.
I haven’t joined a comedy club or improv group, but I’m beginning to move away from those hobbies anyway. I did seek out a counselor, about a week or two prior to Halloween. And it’s been helpful, just to have someone to talk to. I do have some difficulty being fully honest with him, because I don’t like people to know that I’m struggling, especially since I’ve never experienced difficultly like this before. I have spoken to my mother about it, but then she told my entire extended fam, and again, don’t like people to know I’m struggling, so I definitely haven’t explained the extent of my loneliness to her. She’s aware I’m in counseling and that I’m not integrating well, but I did lie and tell her I had friend. I think part of that is because when I spoke to her on the phone about my struggles she told me “It was extremely upsetting” for her to hear, and what kind of monster goes out of their way to upset their own mother?
It may have been extremely upsetting for your mom to hear, but she can take it. She’s the adult here. Please be honest with your family and your counselor; they cannot help you if you’re not honest. You are not a monster to be candid - quite the contrary. Most moms (and dads) are well equipped to hear bad news, help their kids who may be floundering in certain areas, and give good advice. We can’t do our jobs, however, if we don’t know what is going on. Similarly, your therapist needs to know everything about your situation. It sounds to me that you are doing a very good job in involving yourself in activities, going to your classes and seeking some help. Keep doing what you’re doing, and make it a goal to say hi or try and connect with a person every day. I think you will start to see some benefit.