<p>I knew a gay guy in the Army (he was in the process of being discharged). I have nothing against gays, because I’m secure enough with my own sexuality. I’ve never rejected a gay guy as a friend… I’m just saying… being uncomfortable with your own sexuality is okay… and if you’d prefer to stay away from gays because of that (they make you uncomfortable), you’re not necissarily a bad friend or a homophobe.</p>
<p>for example, maybe the OP’s friend (the roommate) thought he had gay tendancies… and he didn’t want to confront them.</p>
<p>In the Philippines (like 30% of men there are gay), I had 3 roommates who hated gays. But ironically, two of them would frequently pretend to have gay sex… and they would sleep in the same bed sometimes.</p>
<p>Yes, let’s encourage people to stay in the closet or not come to terms with sexuality. That way they can have poor mental health, gays can still have an undeserved stigma, and everybody loses. Smart comments, there, leolibby.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who is going to judge me because of my sexual orientation anyways. I don’t know why anyone would. Who needs shallow friends like that?</p>
<p>Yes, I agree it is their right. But people like you and me mean different things when saying that. My interpretation is “a closeted person shouldn’t be forced to tell anyone they are gay if it makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe.” When straights say it, a lot of them mean “a closeted person should be allowed to pretend they are straight and live life accordingly.”</p>
<p>Lying to yourself is psychologically detrimental. Forcing people to come out is obviously wrong, but encouraging people to do so is meant to help them and the community at large. Telling people it’s perfectly fine to hide (not just withhold) your sexuality is tantamount to telling them they have something to be ashamed of.</p>
<p>Ok so the question I’m asking here is not whether this group of friends is homophobic or immature, because I already have it set in my mind that they are. My question more was how do I start over? How do I meet an entirely new group of friends that would be accepting?</p>
<p>^ Honestly, if they’re going to judge you like that, they’re probably not going to be good friends anyway. It could just be that it took them by surprise and they are “adjusting” to the news. Not that it’s an excuse, but they might come around once they realize that you’re not going to start wearing fairy wings and glitter. I don’t think they should need an adjustment period if they really are friends, but I’ve never been friends with people who care about sexuality, so I’m not sure what a “typical” response is by someone coming out of the closet. </p>
<p>You might just have to start from scratch and find more accepting friends. I’m truly sorry that you’re in this situation- no one should have a group of friends abandon them because of something superficial.</p>
<p>a few people have said this already, but you could try to make the Alliance at your school more active. ours never was until last year when a few freshmen volunteered to be in charge. it’s been growing a lot and has more of a presence on campus now. you’ll definitely eventually find people that are more accepting. i hate the whole “girls are okay but guys are gross!!!111” thing.</p>
<p>“Hey Tom, I want to bang that hot chick.”
“I, too, would like to have intercourse with that hot chick.”
“Good, that’s why we are friends.”
“Indeed.”</p>
…</p>