D15 headed off to her university this week, and, their pride stung, my older sons restarted school.
S08 made an initial attempt to go to college, but wasn’t mature enough, and dropped out after only two semesters, with mostly Fs on his transcript. He then joined the military, had some amazing adventures in the Navy, then came home and worked for a while in the marine industry (fishing, then shipbuilding) before deciding to make another attempt for the engineering degree he always wanted. He literally wants to be a rocket scientist. However, it has been so long since he has been in school he forgot most of his math, and the entry exam placed him all the way back in intermediate algebra. He has a long haul to get back to university-level academics.
S10 also dropped out after one semester of college after extreme burnout. He had been in all honors and AP, plus high-level academic competition (science bowls, etc) and by the time he headed off to college he was mentally checked out from academics. Like his brother, he had few passing grades. He came home and made a second try via online classes, but discovered quickly that he does not do well with online classes. He absolutely needs the classroom interaction. He has been working part-time for a marine science institute, and also in the fishing industry, and has finally decided he wants to study oceanography.
Now, both more mature and with clear goals in mind, and with the mindsets I am seeing in them, I think they will be successful.
After all, I had to make three failed attempts at college before actually going the distance in my 30s, and when I did it was spectacular.
Good luck to your sons and huge respect for them on giving it another shot!
I’m a big fan of gap years - both my kids have taken one. It doesn’t always prevent burnout but I definitely think it can help students refresh and focus after a rigorous high school experience. College is so expensive, its nice when students are there because they want to be, not just because its the next step along a well-trod path.
In retrospect I wish I would have seriously discussed gap years with my D. I could tell she was burned out from high school but we forged ahead and she began college. She dropped out halfway through junior year, and several years later, she has still not gone back. I think that a break after high school might have prevented her leaving college without finishing. I do hope she will go back and finish, but she’ll only do that if she has a firm goal in mind, as both of your sons seem to! So there IS hope!
I’be met so many students who do awesomely once they resume college after maturing, experiencing the world, and forming their intellectual questions. It’s a joy to see.
Good luck to your sons, LadyArwyn, but it sounds like they have grown up and know what they want now, so they will likely succeed in their goals.
I’ve mentioned a gap year a few times to my D16. I think she could really benefit from it, and it would give her a chance to breathe, take a break from academics, and think about what she really wants to do in the next few years.
But she refuses. She wants to go on to college.
She felt really burned out in junior year of high school, last year. She seems better this year, so far, but she likes her classes better, and she has more responsibility in a an EC and that’s keeping her busy - and is boosting her self-esteem too, I think.
I’m concerned about her finding her path in college, and hope she doesn’t fizzle out before she finds it. But I can’t force her to take a year off, so all I can do is hope for the best.
@LadyArwyn best of luck to your sons and your daughter. Your story is proof that the road to and through college can take many twists and turns, side trips, and people can still get to the other side.
I love to hear stories like this. Some people know what they want and just march right through to the goal. Others of us aren’t so sure and take a more circuitous route.
I am fortunate enough to live in an upper middle class neighborhood. We have Ivy grads and professionals. We also have people who served in the military and/or started their own businesses. We all ended up in the same place. My in laws were refugees. They had to take a different path not by choice.
The straight line path to college is not the best way for everyone. Kudos to you and your children for figuring out the path that works best for each one of them. I wish them all success.
Congratulations for them for getting close enough to try again. The GREAT majority of the students I have ever seen who talk about “taking some time off before college” never get close again.
@JustOneDad that was my fear with my daughter, that if I pushed too hard on the gap year idea she would never start college. But look what happened, she started and didn’t finish, so I guess what was going to happen, happened anyway!
I’ve known quite a few kids, friends of my kids, who just weren’t ready for college for a myriad of reasons. Many of now finishing up or getting going again and those that are finishing up or have now finished had an entirely good and different experience on the second (and one third) attempt. Just as not all children are ready for kindergarten not all kids are ready for college regardless of how they did on the kindergarten placement tests or the high school grades and tests.
Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for the view of the paths your sons have taken, it was honestly like a very well-written short story, evoking the same sense of wonder of an experience that once was not one’s own, but now is felt as one’s own … the images settling in and expanding in the mind…
I’ve also known a few kids who didn’t go to college until a year or more after high school. They have degrees in a variety of fields: broadcasting, poli sci, law, nursing, theater arts, teaching, business management, medicine, journalism, physical therapy…Actually, I guess I know more than a few.
I hired an engineer in my group that flunked out of college his first try. He took a job doing fiberglass work on boats for a while. Inspired him to really buckle down and do the work when he decided to give college and second try. Turned out to be one of my best engineers.
And a relative of mine also flunked out of college despite his dad’s best efforts to convince the dean to give him another try. Also worked a few years doing mostly manual labor. Didn’t go back to college but figured out a 2 year technical degree would give him the career he really wanted. Had a very successful career in the computer industry.
Some people just need to mature a little before they realize the true value of education. Whether that is formal education or on the job training, one can always better one’s self.
