<p>If we want to “assume” that the OP did not get the whole story from the D and something did get broke, what would that be on a college bookshelf? Priceless family heirlooms, figurines, faberge eggs? </p>
<p>Having roommates and compromising is an important life skill in tolerance. My daughter has always been the clean, neat and organized one of her roommates both in UG and now in medschool. She realizes that she is a bit anal, therefore she does a few extra dishes, vacuums a bit more than the other roomies and scrubs the tub more than the others. Is the extra effort she puts into it worth bickering with her RM’s over? Certainly not.</p>
<p>My DH cannot or will not seem to figure out where things belong in the kitchen. He will unload the dishwasher (nice) and either put stuff on the counter without trying to see where they belong (annoying), or will just throw them willy nilly into cabinets with no obvious understanding of the logic of that particular area (doubly annoying). For example, rather than put a clean tupperware container into the cabinet full of other tupperware containers, he put them into the drawer which contains pots and pans. Seriously?! After wasting time looking for said tupperware container and finally giving up (never thought to check the pots and pans drawer), it was supremely frustrating to find it there the next day. I just count to ten, smile, and nod. </p>
<p>Sorry about the OT rant.</p>
<p>I agree also that OP probably doesn’t know the whole story, and that it’s just as likely the roommate has wanted the room for herself and BF from the beginning.</p>
Ummm are you serious?? Really? Are you still stewing over the sesame soaked DVD of yours… errr, I mean your friends??
The roommate sounds like a self focused brat, who thinks its HER room, not THEIR room, The OPs dau, as inconvenient as it may be, will be far better off in a single.</p>
<p>I just noticed something in the OP that is IMO completely unacceptable.</p>
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<p>I’m sorry, if this is the true story, then having to leave your own dorm room to change clothes trumps misplacing things on a bookshelf. The OP should ask the RM to leave and take her boyfriend with her.</p>
<p>jym, while I agree with what you wrote in #83, moving to a single at this point would be both isolating because it is a single and isolating because other kids have already made their hall connections. This comes from our Ds first year experience and having moved from a quad w 2 others w anxiety and princess syndrome (no, seriously, one from LA was given a $25k Chanel watch for her HS graduation and drove a Bentley-not her parents but hers) to a single. Singles are both great and also isolating, esp for first year students.</p>
<p>Not everyone feels the same way. I can already imagine the fireworks and hurled invective resulting if your H happens to be the hypothetical roommate to a friend who’s such a germaphobe he won’t allow anyone near his laptop…much less allow him/her to touch it. </p>
<p>Yes, said friend was a party to one of the disputes I mediated between friends.</p>
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<p>The dorm belongs to the college, not the roommate who is a student leasing accommodations like the OP’s D. </p>
<p>In that context, the new person has the same standing as the longer-standing resident in that double. </p>
<p>In the context of college dorms, no one has the right to make such presumptions of ownership.</p>
<p>^ Of course no one has the “right” to make presumptions of ownership, but the first occupant (the roommate) seems to have, and there are social /adjustment issues that come into play when you have to occupy the same space as another human being, especially one who has been there first. </p>
<p>dowzer- does the princess have a bf? My s’s are currently attached… but for the right circumstance … JK!!! (in case anyone took that seriously)</p>
<p>And agree, living in a single as a frosh can be hard, but hopefully the OPs dau has already established a circle of friends. Living in an uncomfortable/awkward situation can be equally and unpleasant.</p>
<p>I tolerated a selfish roommate my freshman yr whose scrawny bf was in the room a lot and they didnt care that I was there when they chose to have their, umm… time together. Blech. We had nothing in common and no overlapping friends. We got along (no arguments , etc) but it was uncomfortable and a long freshman year. I got a single my soph year, and every year thereafter. Best decision I made. ( And I didnt have to discuss it with friends, family or cousin )</p>
<p>Forgot to mention another thought. We do not know what happened to the first roommate who moved out of this room. Gotta wonder if the RA is tired of dealing with this selfish primadonna who thinks nothing of having her BF in the room all the time but goes running to the RA when items on a shelf (probably a less sturdy shelf from the container store, not a heavy wooden thing provided by the college) are rearranged after they were inadvertently knocked over. The RA probably is tired of dealing with her (and maybe her parents, who knows) and suggested to the OPs dau that she could leave, rahter than the RA having to referee again (though thats her job). </p>
<p>Most friends who served as RAs would have been more inclined to tell the prima-donna RM to move out. </p>
<p>Especially considering at some colleges like Columbia according to CC poster Juliet in past postings, the usual policy is to move out the roommate who filed the complaint, regardless of the reason.</p>
<p>Singles aren’t necessarily bad. D2 has a single on a floor in a dorm with mostly roommate setups. They all leave their dorm rooms open while they are in the room and most of them come and go into each other’s rooms frequently. D is LOVING it as she was in a quad/suite setup in an Honors dorm far off the beaten path last sememster, which felt far more isolating to her. Now she feels like she is right in the thick of things and has been included in all kinds of outings or dorm based activities with the other girls on her floor. But when she wants to be alone, she can just shut the door and enjoy her privacy. Seems like the best of both worlds to me.</p>
<p>The more I think about it, the more ludicrous it seems that the RA would even consider asking D to move because things got knocked around. D says she did her best to restore everything, nothing was broken and she apologized profusely. So either D’s not telling me the whole story (she swears she is) or roommate might have wildly exaggerated or lied to RA about what happened. I’ve told D that she should talk to the RA again and get him to tell her what exactly she is being accused of.
Don’t know what happened to the departed roommate. D thinks she withdrew from college but isn’t sure. (Perhaps she was driven out…jk!)</p>
<p>Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd that the daughter is being asked to move? I had a horrible roommate my freshman year for a lot of reasons and I did bring the issues to the RA, and ultimately I moved. I have a friend whose roommate did things like spill the oil from the top of natural peanut butter onto her clothes and videotape her while she was sleeping and my friend moved. Generally people I know who have had issues with their roommates have moved to get away from them, no matter what the roommate was doing wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone being told to move because their roommate was unhappy.</p>
<p>Granted, my freshman roommate was probably thrilled that I moved (there was a strong mutual dislike there) but I moved because it was the best way to get myself out of a miserable situation. Nobody told me to.</p>
<p>Two wrongs don’t make a right. OP’s daughter’s RA suggested moving, not required it, perhaps as RA’s reflection that there’s an inherent personality clash. Both students seem to be at fault. </p>
<p>OP’s daughter apparently never explicitly told RM (“this needs to change”) that RM’s BF’s constant presence was a problem. “Leaving room to change” won’t register as a tacit complaint if RM’s inconsiderate, laid-back, or aiming to get the room back as a single. But a lot of people, even grown-ups, need to be told “stop this” before acknowledging that they’ve breached commonsense and polite behavior. Yes, RM’s BF seems to be a problem, but apparently it also was an undiscussed problem.</p>
<p>Meanwhile “knocking over a bookcase and dislodging contents and putting things back in random order” while “having friends visit” is also a problem. We’ve read OP’s description, as relayed by OP’s daughter, so we don’t know extent of mess/bother. RM’s stuff should remain untouched by visitors and OP’s daughter - again, basic courtesy, even if “accidents happen”. Wonder whether OP’s daughter’s RM ok’ed “friends’ gathering”, or if daughter had control over that situation in her room.</p>
<p>It’s a learning experience, but “silent treatment” plus “constant boyfriend” seem the makings of a tense semester. Perhaps RA needs to intervene re: boyfriend, make the two women sign a roommate agreement, and monitor them closely for several weeks - or one RM needs to move.</p>
JK!!! (in case anyone took that seriously)</p>