<p>It’s also tough to get many jobs and complete applications and many other things if not comfortable with the computer and internet. Computers and the internet is the way to communicate with other people all over the world, including scholars, other students and even read textbooks and resource material. Kids lacking this are very handicapped, which is why they are introducing laptops in many grade schools!</p>
<p>Technology is part of college students’ lives in ways that are very different from what we remember from our college days – and perhaps different from what we do ourselves.</p>
<p>Example 1: One semester, my son was very pleased that he had a schedule with no classes on Fridays. On a Thursday evening, we were talking on the phone. He cut the conversation short because he said he needed to finish a paper that was due the next morning. I said, “But I thought you had no classes on Fridays. How could you have a paper due?” He replied (and I’m sure he was rolling his eyes, but I couldn’t see that over the phone), “Mom, the paper has to be turned in online, and it’s due by 9 a.m. That has nothing to do with when my section meets.”</p>
<p>Example 2: While helping my daughter move in one semester, I noticed that on several occasions, she received text messages, which she replied to with a single message, either immediately or a few minutes later. These messages did not lead to conversations – there was just one message and a reply. She explained to me that texting is how students make social plans. The messages were things like “Ashley and Jeff and I are eating dinner at X dining hall at Y time tonight. Can you come?” Her reply was either yes or no. It would be unthinkable for the kids to make actual phone calls for this purpose: telephoning, unless absolutely necessary, is considered rude by young people because it interrupts what the other person is doing. Texting is less intrusive.</p>
<p>Schools also use text messages to send out “blast” messages such as schoolwide closings due to weather. Professors may also use text messages to send out messages to the class members regarding changes in class scheduling or assignments. College students will not be able to get by without text messaging.</p>
<p>Regarding scheduling classes, you can’t count on scheduling classes only three days a week. Most classes meet MWF or TTh, although some meet MTWTh, or even every day (such as math or language classes). To fulfull basic requirements, she will probably have to take classes every day, or at least M-Th.</p>
<p>If not ■■■■■ then:
Not sure about OP’s D’s stats. However, I can recommend Loyola Marymount in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Safe campus, not a highly competitive admission process. Busses go to and from campus. Good luck.</p>
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<p>I just noticed this part.</p>
<p>This is entirely normal, and in my opinion, healthy.</p>
<p>Today’s young people don’t always segregate themselves by gender. Often, especially at college, there are groups of friends that include both guys and girls. A lot of the young people like it that way. It seems natural to them. They go to school together, they participate in activities together, and at college, they live in the dorms together. So why not hang out together? </p>
<p>Not all interactions between guys and girls need to consist of formal dating – in fact, some kids never “date” at all, but they may spend a great deal of time with people of the opposite sex in the context of group friendships. It can be a very relaxed thing. Perhaps tonight, the group of friends attending a campus sports event will include three girls and a guy. Tomorrow, two girls and two guys may go to the mall. Nobody feels a need to pair off into couples; they just do things with their friends.</p>
<p>The only difference I see between these mixed-sex group friendships and single-sex groups is that the mixed-sex groups don’t tend to do things together that would be of interest to only one sex. So it’s likely that, on the occasion when the boy was present, the kids watched a movie on TV or played video games instead of experimenting with makeup or shopping for clothes.</p>
<p>By the way: In worlds that you clearly do not live in (but many of our offspring do), mixed-gender groups of friends sometimes end up sharing off-campus apartments or houses as college upperclassmen and nobody thinks twice about it. It can even be educational. You learn a lot about other people by sharing a kitchen and bathroom with them.</p>
<p>My H niece’s BF went to UC Irvine, lived at home and joined ROTC so parents did not have to pay much for his education. I hope you will find a school that will work for your D and you. Just be aware that it is not easy to get a perfect schedule in freshman year and it is possible she may just have one or two classes in certain days of week. Upperclassmen usually have priority in scheduling classes. Another option she can do is to take minimum credits in college in order to be a full time student so she will have a few days on campus for the commute and then take required electives at a Community college near your home during summer.
Over the years I have known parents who have the very similar rules and family value as you have described in your posts. Some were able to let go of their kids and some wouldn’t. I felt happy for those kids who were able to leave home for colleges and felt sad for the ones who wanted to go away but had to obey their parents to stay home during college years.</p>
<p>OP: You <em>are</em> caging up your daughters at home. Maturity won’t come until they face situations and have choices that make you, and them, uncomfortable. </p>
<p>The restriction on Facebook and texting will be extremely problematic when your daughter goes to college - that is simply how young people communicate today. You are setting her up to not fit at all with any peer group. Is that really what you want?</p>
<p>Part of allowing your daughter to grow up is allowing her the freedom in what are, essentially, harmless choices. Whether she wears makeup or nail polish falls into that category. It would be far better for you / your wife to treat her to a few hours at Bobbi Brown or Aveda or some other place where they teach young girls how to wear makeup with a fresh, light, natural touch, rather than institute some arbitrary rule that she can’t wear any. It’s inappropriate. Do you pick out her clothing and jewelry too? The fact that a 17 yo needs to ask permission of a parent to put on nail polish says that you are infantilizing her. A 7 yo might need to ask that permission. But not a 17 yo. Not good.</p>
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<p>This is just not a healthy way to run one’s life, household, or interaction with young adults. At what point does your daughter ever get listened to or heard? Or do you think it’s best just to be authoritative and that’s that? Let me help you out here. The success rate of that authoritiative parenting style isn’t all that high, and the chance that you will alienate her is very high. Right now, you have set up to be obedient and dutiful. She’s going to need to challenge authority because that’s part of the process of growing up - whether it’s debating a topic with a fellow student or teacher, or trying to convince you that she should be allowed to do X. You need to give her chances to do it, and you need to back off on the control. </p>
<p>As to hanging out with boys as part of a mixed group going to movies, etc, there is nothing wrong with that. She certainly will be studying as part of mixed groups in college. </p>
<p>You have raised a good, smart girl. Trust her to make good decisions, instead of pulling this “I am the boss, she will follow my rules, there is no room for negotiation” nonsense.</p>
<p>Seventeen isn’t a young teen- one more year & they will be a legal adult- it is a disservice to them, if they have not been guided to learn how to make their own decisions & live with the consequences.</p>
<p>How are they supposed to value their own instincts & judgement if choices have been forced upon them 24/7?</p>
<p>OP is a ■■■■■, why rise to the bait</p>
<p>Are you picking out who and when she marries? If not, how do you know she won’t move out once she finishes college? I’m also curious as to whether or not these same restrictions would apply for a son.</p>
<p>In case this isn’t a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>8 is a reasonable # of applications. Let her do it. </p>
<p>Yes, it is difficult to schedule all of your classes for 3 days a week. At some schools, it would be impossible to do this and graduate at all–ever. It would be particularly difficult for anyone who wants to major in a science or a foreign language, which often require labs. </p>
<p>Yes, if she wants to have a job, allow it. Personally, I would suggest that she work now, in high school if she can and during the summer. If she finds it hard to work while in high school, she’ll have a better idea of whether she can do it in college and how many hours of work she can handle. It can take a while to figure out how to “juggle” things. I don’t think the first semester of college is the right time to learn this skill. I’m sure many people will disagree with me. It’s just my personal opinion. Moreover, working now will give her experience that may enable her to get a better job in college than she otherwise would–especially if she’s not eligible for work-study.</p>
<p>Campuses also send safety alerts via texts, e.g. when there is a security issue they want the campus to be aware of like a part of campus is closed due to some problem. They also would send out messages about school or class being closed via text and email because that is more convenient FOR THE SCHOOL. Some teachers expect all assignments to be handed in on-line as well and have students communicate via skype and other on-line methods.</p>
<p>Thank you to those who answer respectfully and constructively. I don’t have experience in all of this so you advice is much appreciated.</p>
<p>To those who still believe this is a “■■■■■” (thank you to whoever provided the definition), I’m sorry you think that opinions so far from your own are simply impossible to have. I sense a great deal of tolerance from you.</p>
<p>Thank you again.</p>
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<p>I’m sure that you know what’s best for your family, so I agree with you that you should limit her to 6. </p>
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<p>Have you considered Caltech? It’s an excellent school in a very safe neighborhood. </p>
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<p>Not at all! Professors and administrators are always happy to help with this kind of situation, and will be glad to rearrange finals, labs, and even library hours to accomodate your needs. </p>
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<p>You’ll want to be careful, since all kinds of folks could walk into her workplace. The best compromise would be for you to allow her to work, but only when you can sit at a nearby table making sure the environment is safe.</p>
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<p>Exactly. And good thinking to save money on dorms, in preparation for saving enough to pay for adding on additional floors to accomodate your daughters and their future husbands and children. </p>
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<p>This is precisely why things like playdates and sleepovers are worrisome. They create certain expectations in children’s minds. Much better to keep 'em at home. </p>
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<p>Yes, I think you’ll really like Caltech. </p>
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<p>Just allow her to wait until she’s ready to drive; in the meantime, you should certainly be driving her as needed. Sure there’s public transporation, but then you’re not there to shield her. And not buying her a car (or paying for insurance) is a big moneysaver. </p>
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<p>It’s been tough keeping our children away from Myspace, but we’ve managed…and they don’t seem to complain too much about that. </p>
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<p>Agreed. You can save even more money by cutting out such expensive extras as shampoo/conditioner (bar soap works great) and new clothing. </p>
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<p>You’re welcome. Glad to be of help.</p>
<p>^ Perhaps my favorite post of all time.</p>
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<p>LOL. I think Caltech has gotten enough abuse on the other thread…</p>
<p>Post #75, not a one liner, but an instant classic!</p>
<p>Slithey Tove, that is soda spewing all over my keyboard! :D</p>
<p>SlitheyTove, I really wish CC had a like button!</p>