<p>“I can recommend Loyola Marymount in the suburbs of Los Angeles.”</p>
<p>Yay! And tonight is “midnight madness”, but it starts at 10! Son is a freshman there, and went to a very conservative school from age 3 to 18; both our kids did. My D is a senior at a “yellow light” school. </p>
<p>And I think that we may agree or disagree with the parenting methods of OP, but it’s helpful to not make fun of others.</p>
<p>I do know plenty of families where the children aren’t allowed to date until 18, they live at home while going to school, etc, and actually they have turned out to be quite successful and well-adjusted adults.</p>
<p>this is OT, I know, but not much, considering many previous posts.</p>
<p>When our son was young, I was probably the most “restrictive” mom in our peer group. By the time he graduated from HS, he had fewer restrictions than any of his friends.</p>
<p>My notion is and was that my job was help him to go from total dependence to total independence in the space of 18 years. He understood early that I was predisposed to trust, and that with each increase in his independence, that trust was his to nurture or to lose.</p>
<p>I understand that my point of view is not universally embraced. But I must say that I do not understand how parents with points of view similar to those of the OP expect their children to be able to safely grow and learn so that they can function as independent adults. I mean no disrespect; I truly do not understand.</p>
<p>I don’t recall any reference to sons. Is this point of view reserved for female children, I wonder. Are the daughters assumed to leave the rules of their fathers for the rules of their husbands?</p>
<p>When Hurricane Irene hit my daughter’s school, the university kept in touch with us about evacuations and delayed classes through text messages.</p>
<p>I learned to drive later in life and never developed a comfort level. I am not a safe driver. Whatever you do about college, get the young lady some driving lessons and make sure she is confident and experienced before you let her do city driving. You are obviously not a good choice as a driving teacher, so get a professional. Otherwise, you may regret your choices for the rest of your life.</p>
<p>I’m like mafool. When our kids were very young, I was probably the most protective & would even insist I come to birthday parties where my kids only knew the birthday child & no one else, especially if there was a swimming pool or other body of water where the party was located. As my kids got older, they showed responsible great decision-making and as they grew, they had some of the fewest restrictions on them of any of their peers or relatives. S even booked his own trip & took off for Thailand with our blessing & his $$$. S also went on a one month tour to another country with D and his cousin & 80 others. He would explore on his own & meet up later with the tour group; he had a wonderful time!</p>
<p>Maybe I’ll consider having D take a few defensive driving classes in LA; maybe I’ll take a few too. I find LA a tough place to drive, even though I’ve driven pretty comfortably in many other cities with heavy traffic, including Honolulu.</p>
<p>Sorry if I’ve gone off topic, but I think prior posts have answered the questions originally posed. 8 colleges is not too many applications. Tough to graduate going to classes only certain days/week and commuting but some say it can be done but will be tiring for whomever the driver is, especially if the student studies fields like science, engineering, language, where there are labs and may be study groups. Perhaps the guidance counselor at your child’s school may know of other students who have had success as commuters at their Us.</p>
<p>Yo, HImom, if I ever make it back to your state, I will try to arrange a meet up!
In the unlikely event you end up in Michigan :eek: or in a neighboring state, please let me know.</p>
<p>I have actually been to Ann Arbor. I have several relatives (parents and two sisters & a BIL) who are wolverines! don’t get to MI often, but do get to DC & will be in Atlanta next year. Who knows where life will lead any of us. :)</p>
<p>you sound like the guy on the “Law and Order” episode who kidnapped his girls from his first wife and then had his second wife so cowed she couldn’t even visit her own parents. No one in the family was allowed to do anything or think for themselves. He got sent to jail, though. </p>
<p>Back to the OP: as a 17-year-old girl myself, I am frightened for your daughter’s well-being. I don’t date, use facebook, or drive either, but those are all decisions I have made for myself: my parents have never imposed rules about any of the above and would support me if I were to partake in any of them. However, I do wear makeup, use the internet extensively (I agree with others that computer savvy is a necessity in this day and age), and I am not applying to a single college a) in my home state or b) to which <em>I</em> don’t want to go. I can say for sure that, were I in your daughter’s position, I would practically feel compelled to rebel. Your behavoir shows you have no trust in your daughter, and I’m sure she’s keenly aware of it. </p>
<p>You need to be confident in your parenting skills and cut her a little slack! Have faith that she will make the right choices and then actually give her CHOICES! People think you’re a ■■■■■ because of how ridiculously controlling you seem in your posts. Isn’t that a good signal to turn it down a notch? I hope you “allow” her (See? Your controlling vibe is still freaking me out) to apply to schools out of your immediate vicinity…and that she attends one of those colleges, where she can grow as a person, not as a puppet controlled by her dad.</p>
<p>I haven’t bothered to read the thread, sorry, but the OP absolutely writes with the now very familiar tone of a young person posing as a parent. </p>
<p>After so many years on CC, you just come to be able to ‘hear’ the underlying age and superficiality in the style of writing. Hard to put your finger on it but it is always a bunch of stuff: often a need to explain with words that you are indeed a parent (hello fellow parents), and too much explanation offered for everything, to be sure to fit the ‘weird stuff’ in. And of course the awkward, juvenile writing style. There is a bizarre but distinctive distance to the whole thing- tidy generalities and thought out grammar. Oh and you gotta love the “golly gee, I don’t understand things like college, having not gone my self…” but then flips into CC acronyms with a breeze. </p>
<p>Nice try ■■■■■.</p>
<p>I understand now why adcoms say they can tell when an essay has be coached over too much or doesn’t ring true.</p>
<p>I was a very sheltered daughter and I had a difficult time adjusting to freshman year. My Long Island roommates were miles ahead of me socially, but they were helpful in showing me makeup tips and giving social advice. All in all though, there were too many adjustments for me to make and I was miserable my freshman year. </p>
<p>I transferred to a local college after freshman year, realized it was a big mistake, and quickly headed back to an out-of-town four year college second semester sophomore year. It was tough to transfer in, make new friends, but I did it and today, I’m actually quite independent. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to live on campus, meet new people, experience new ideas. This made a significant impression on me. I made a point of encouraging our son to have as many experiences as possible to develop independence as he was growing up. I did not want him to go through what I went through.</p>
<p>If your daughter has been sheltered, it might make sense for her to consider a community college for two years, with a 2 plus 2 plan to transfer to a 4 year school. That would allow her time to get her license, a car and develop social skills so she’s ready to go away to college. Living on campus is a wonderful experience allowing young people to test their wings in a rather protected environment, and learn about different points of view. </p>
<p>While you may have her best interests at heart, it may be time to begin encouraging her independence so she is able to take care of herself and have the confidence to make good decisions.</p>
<p>It’s funny. I too, am confident that the OP is a ■■■■■. Not because there really aren’t parents and families like that, but because the parent would never ask for advice in such a family. I’ve seen other threads–plenty of them–where kids were complaining that their parents wanted them to live at home and commute, not go far away, etc., etc. I rarely suspect them of being trolls.</p>
<p>The other thing that’s a ■■■■■ tipoff in this situation is that almost invariably, these kinds of restrictions come from the family being part of an ethnic or religioius community where this is more commonplace. In some cultures, kids really do stay at home, or nearby, pretty much forever. That creates a culture clash with more mainstream American practice–which is why the kids are the ones who are struggling with it.</p>
<p>The poster may be the student rather than the parent (which I have suspected all along because the poster writes like a native speaker of English, yet situations like this usually involve parents who are not native speakers), but that’s not quite the same thing as being a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, if the poster is the student, I don’t think the views and advice given on this thread have been helpful. Instead, they may have increased the young person’s resentment without providing useful tips.</p>
<p>If the OP is the student, he or she can get some more useful advice by looking for threads that start with things like “How can I convince my parents…?”</p>
<p>I do not believe it’s just a student trying to get help by posing as an adult, just another bored kid getting a kick out of yanking parents’ chains. That is why most of the defensive arguments are light on logic, high on simplistic superficiality, and purposefully preposterous. I actually know some very strict parents…this is not at all capturing their perspective. Even a kid growing up in this environment could fabricate a better version of where their parents are coming from.</p>
<p>If they really felt they needed to pretend to be a parent to get help the 'daughter’s perspective would have shown up a tiny bit here…not to mention the ‘daughter’ would probably not have opted to pose as the dad. </p>
<p>I just find it annoying, and it is rather ridiculous that I care at all. I guess I see so many parents giving so much to other people on here that I hate watching them waste their good intentions and time on something so ridiculous (and basically being taken for fools).</p>
<p>Funny thing is I know a parent similar to this one, whether fictional or not. </p>
<p>Has to live home for college, now in her last yr of college, still no texting permitted on her phone, and shares a bedroom with her HS JR sister (unusual land-marked two bedroom expansive home built by a bachelor with pool and tennis court)</p>
<p>Two loving parents who have their own business and work from home, solid upper middle class neighborhood, even a boyfriend permitted.</p>
<p>Dad went to Cal for grad school.</p>
<p>I know the girl is frustrated by the out-of-the-norm rules she is living by. I’ve joked with her about it.</p>
<p>My own take is some Dad’s are still a little old school when it comes to their daughters.</p>
don’t get to MI often, but do get to DC & will be in Atlanta next year. Who knows where life will lead any of us. :)</p>