<p>Paying for dates is serious AFC behavior. </p>
<p>I didn't read the thread, but props to anyone who understands this lol.</p>
<p>Went back a page and read. I'm just gonna stomp on peoples' posts now.</p>
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I pay for them because they've done something to "prove" their "worthy" of my paying for them.
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<p>AFC!</p>
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Wow, I think if the guy asks the girl out then he should pay, at least the first date, that's how it goes traditionally. The girl should offer to pay but the guy should pay the first time. Then everyone can figure it out! </p>
<p>JMO
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<p>JYAFCO!</p>
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i just do not see anything wrong with a guy paying for a date. if you asked me to go then you will be expected to pay. if it was up to me i would have just stayed home. in my family the men are the ones who usually pay for the meals and open the doors and when in a relationship that is the type of person i would be looking for. i am not sure if that is gold digging though...
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<p>That's pretty pathetic. You should just stay home and not waste the guy's time. I doubt he'd even want to take you out if he knew you didn't even want to go. Holding a door is one thing that I personally do for anyone, boobs or not, but being demanded to pay is just out of the question.</p>
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This is just low, imo. Just because a girl didn't pass some arbitrary "screening process" of yours, she is denied your "niceness," but you feel it's all right to keep going out with her?
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<p>She deserves "niceness" simply because she has a vagina and is relatively more attractive than her peers? </p>
<p>I don't need a deep spiritual connection to have fun with someone.</p>
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Only your actions can show with any certainty who you really are. It's strange that you don't see this connection.
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<p>It's strange how you don't see words can show and not just tell. </p>
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Since we can all say that we are honest, loyal, selfless, etc., learning about who you are straight from you is not exactly reliable.
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<p>I wouldn't say girls are even attracted to loyalty and selflessness. Doing what makes girls happy isn't the same thing as doing what makes them attracted to you, except by virtue of concurrence. And no one sits on a date and says "I'm honest, loyal, and selfless."</p>
<p>seriously, if i went out to dinner with someone for the first time and he didn't offer to pay, i'd probably be like, "hold up..was that actually a date? maybe he actually wasn't asking me out.."
maybe this comes from living in the south? or having guy friends who are pretty traditional when it comes to these things? i don't know</p>
<p>"She deserves "niceness" simply because she has a vagina and is relatively more attractive than her peers? "</p>
<p>No, she deserves niceness because she agreed to go on a date with you, and it's obviously common sense to be nice to each other so you can both enjoy it.</p>
<p>"seriously, if i went out to dinner with someone for the first time and he didn't offer to pay, i'd probably be like, "hold up..was that actually a date? maybe he actually wasn't asking me out..""</p>
<p>Lol, that definitely happened to me once. Still don't know if it was a date or not, since it didn't turn into anything...but the guy was definitely attracted to me. He was just really shy, and I couldn't really tell <em>what</em> he wanted from that date/not date, so I just didn't do anything about it.</p>
<p>"I wouldn't say girls are even attracted to loyalty and selflessness. "</p>
<p>There are a lot of girls you haven't dated.</p>
<p>"Doing what makes girls happy isn't the same thing as doing what makes them attracted to you, except by virtue of concurrence."</p>
<p>Give an example of something that makes a girl attracted to you but doesn't make her happy. I'm struggling to think of anything like that.</p>
<p>"It's strange how you don't see words can show and not just tell. "</p>
<p>Words show just like a movie or a book shows - i.e. they can show you complete bs. The only way to know is to actually see it done.</p>
<p>leah377 i think it does have something to do with living in the south</p>
<p>I think it's called chivalry, and it's dying out. If you're trying to get a girl you might want to work on your game Easy and BeKindRewind. Obviously the kind of girls you frequent aren't big on having gentlemen in their life. So let me rephrase that, if you want a girl that's worth your while you're going to have to start thinking of women with a little more respect.</p>
<p>I'm going to have to second karipac07.</p>
<p>I third karipac07.</p>
<p>Seriously, people on this thread demonize "those who expect the boy to pay" and "those who don't" like their talking about pro-lifers and pro-choicers or Republicans and Democrats. Everyone take a breath. It's okay...</p>
<p>I think different people are different and want different things (profound, I know). There are great guys and horrible guys in each category of "guy," but I will say I do miss the gentlemen I knew growing up in the South, not just because I'm some kind of spoiled southern belle, but more because there was a kind of sense of courtesy and respect that quite frankly has had a much smaller presence since I've been in college.</p>
<p>Beyond the polarizing debate about whether a tradition is outdated or chivalrous, when a guy pays for me, or even offers, I don't think of it as "Woo hoo! He has money!" or "Maybe if I date him, I won't have to pay for my meals..." It's more like, "Wow, he's a really nice guy" or "He knows how to treat me well." Maybe I'm horribly naive, but I honestly don't think the majority of girls are "gold diggers" about that.</p>
<p>And wow, this is making me think that an actual dating scene still exists among college students...</p>
<p>I agree.</p>
<p>Just because a guy pays for dinner doesn't mean girls are automatically congratulating themselves for weaseling a whole fifteen dollars and a to-go container out of him. It means he's (likely) a thoughtful individual that she appreciates. </p>
<p>The term "gold digger" seems to be used improperly. I find a gold digger to be anyone who intentionally uses someone else in attempt to gain financial profit from them. I don't think pulling out a chair and paying for an appetizer and dessert fits the latter.</p>
<p>Here's a hypothetical situation: you go on two dates with two equally hot guys. They both have decent personalities. One pays for you, the other doesn't. Which one would you keep on dating?</p>
<p>duhhhh</p>
<p>I'm just saying that it helps. Definitely not necessary but might give you the extra "edge" to really win someone over. Like I give the guy I'm currently seeing little gifts or baked goods everytime I see him. He likes it. I think.</p>
<p>If the girl is smart, she'd choose the one who doesn't pay. He obviously has a way bigger **** and knows, because of that, he can get away with not paying.</p>
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No, she deserves niceness because she agreed to go on a date with you, and it's obviously common sense to be nice to each other so you can both enjoy it.
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<p>I don't understand...the girl did you a favor by agreeing to go on a date with you where you pay for her meal and where you are obligated to be nice to her? This seems awfully one-sided. If the girl is doing you a favor, then obviously she is contributing more to a date than the guy. The guy asks the girl out (risking failure), pays for the date, and acts generally chivalrous. What does the girl do that somehow outweighs all of this?</p>
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Beyond the polarizing debate about whether a tradition is outdated or chivalrous, when a guy pays for me, or even offers, I don't think of it as "Woo hoo! He has money!" or "Maybe if I date him, I won't have to pay for my meals..." It's more like, "Wow, he's a really nice guy" or "He knows how to treat me well." Maybe I'm horribly naive, but I honestly don't think the majority of girls are "gold diggers" about that.
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<p>If we want to get rid of stereotypes, we should stop the concept of only guys asking girls out on dates and the concept of chivalry. It is certainly nice when chivalry is treated optionally, but why should it only be done by guys? You say:</p>
<p>"Wow, he's a really nice guy" or "He knows how to treat me well." </p>
<p>When a guy is chivalrous. But, couldn't a guy say "Wow, she's a really nice girl" when the girl takes the burden of chivalry? This niceness should be done by both genders, and both should have the option (but not obligation) of doing it in the way they choose to rather than based on gender stereotypes. It would seem odd if only guys would say that, when a girl washes the dishes or cleans the house, men think "Wow, she's a really nice girl" or "She knows how to treat me well." Both genders should be able to choose how they contribute, and in return, each partner should realize that the other knows how to treat them well, regardless of what method they use to show it.</p>
<p>Also, it's unfair to say that "whoever initiates the date should pay," because there are cultural norms where only the guy initiates the date, therefore the guy is paying most of the time.</p>
<p>"What does the girl do that somehow outweighs all of this?"</p>
<p>I don't know if "outweigh" is the word you were looking for...and I think we all know the answer to this question anyway.</p>
<p>"If the girl is smart, she'd choose the one who doesn't pay. He obviously has a way bigger **** and knows, because of that, he can get away with not paying."</p>
<p>So now not paying is the way to have sex on the first date lol.</p>
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I don't know if "outweigh" is the word you were looking for...and I think we all know the answer to this question anyway.
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<p>We have no problem pressuring guys to pay, or making it an expectation. So, should we apply this social pressure to girls? In fact, often we tell girls not to give it up until they feel comfortable. It is in the girl's judgment. I don't want to count up what people give and take in a date, but I think it necessarily comes up when we talk about expectations.</p>
<p>Also, I'm guessing then that girls don't like sex as much as guys? Also, couldn't we factor in the probability that the guy will marry the woman, where the girl will be in a much better bargaining position? Each date raises the probability of that occurring, so I suppose that could also fall under the guy's contribution.</p>
<p>Jefferson lied. equality does not exist and never will. i think guys should always pay until its official, then it's a trade off. but seriously, it's not a big deal. dont think dating as a philosphical debate, just have fun.</p>
<p>That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun</p>