Grade My Essay 1-12 Please

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<p>Topic: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<pre><code> As John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." These words have rung true many, many times throughout history. While governments can accomplish a lot, it is really the people that step up when they are needed most to solve the biggest problems and make the world a better place. From the civil rights movement to the Revolutionary War, the world would not be the same if it weren't for these ever-important people.

One of the most famous examples of people stepping up to fix society's problems is Rosa Parks. The famous story of her refusing to give her seat up to a white person has gotten her a ticket in every American history book. It was more than just refusing to get up; it was a show of defiance in protest against the segregation that had existed in the country ever since slavery was abolished. Her arrest and trial that found her guilty sparked huge protests and boycotts of busses. Eventually, claims filed by lawyers made it to the Supreme Court, which ruled that any person of any race could sit wherever they wanted to on a bus.

Rewinding the clock a bit, the Founding Fathers and the original delegates of the colonies were invaluable to the independence of America. As a result of people such as Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and John Hancock stepping up to lead the colonies in a revolution against Great Britain, which was at the time arguably the most powerful country in the world. Many of the colonists were extremely frustrated with Britain but did not think for a second that they needed independence. It was those that drew up the Declaration and those who led militias against Britain's army (or redcoats as the colonists called them) that were the big factors in the American Revolution. Who knows? The US might have still been part of the United Kingdom today if it wren't for those brave individuals that understood the best interests of all the colonists.

It is for this reason that I believe individuals stepping up to solve their community's problems is extremely important to all societies. The world would be a bad place without them.
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<p>Thanks for your help everyone :)</p>

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<p>@4thepower‌ I only feel comfortable giving you like a 5-6 Due to a few things. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>It would be helpful if you created a more concise thesis statement. The graders would then better understand what your points are. -2</p></li>
<li><p>I would reconsider what the topic is asking. It asks what your opinion is on people solving problems in their communities/gov. Your body paragraphs are only filled with examples of people solving problems. We need your honest opinions. Those body paragraphs only tell us things we know. Now tell us what you think. -3</p></li>
<li><p>You can use famous people in examples, quotes, and antidotes. Just tie them into supporting your thesis. We do not want names like Rosa Parks and the all of the presidents you listed running the show. Give us other examples. Maybe a time you tried changing something. Just something other than two stories of historical figures. It kinda made me feel like all you have to say is what others did so it is right because of where we are now. -2</p></li>
<li><p>Your conclusion did not suffice. Your conclusion paragraph needs to restate your thesis in new way to remind the reader of what you said. For example: “people should take more initiative to stand up in their communities because of X, Y, Z.” You can do it differently, obviously. But yours could stand some expanding. -2</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I feel like I am kinda being overly harsh. However, I am not doing it to make you feel bad or elevate what I know. Here are some things I liked:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>You used lots of descriptive words when telling us those examples. Honestly, that is something that will stand out.</p></li>
<li><p>You did seem to be very insightful when writing. Your paper allowed me to think and follow your thoughts.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>All said @4thepower , I think there can be some improvements. However, you will do what you know best. Maybe someone else who knows more will be able to give you some more helpful advice. </p>

<p>Take care :wink: </p>

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<p>ok …u gave good examples about people working for their nation but u didnt say why not for the community …'i think i will give u a 5</p>