<p>This is the original practice essay I wrote. I am preparing for the test, and I bombed the essay section last time. </p>
<p>Criticism is every test takers best friend. GRILL my essay. </p>
<p>Help a little brudda out.</p>
<p>Link:
<a href="https://www.dropbox.com/s/rd0kjnav7bl51oq/Essay.docx%5B/url%5D">https://www.dropbox.com/s/rd0kjnav7bl51oq/Essay.docx</a></p>
<p>You are too attached to your template. You need to develop your critical thinking skills. Your essay has fertile ideas, but you don’t cultivate them. They need to grow and develop. That takes time and more effort than simply following a set routine for writing an essay. Re-read your essay. You have a powerful idea in your opening and closing paragraphs that isn’t really developed in your essay. What is it?</p>
<p>Now look at the ideas you did ‘develop’. Let’s take Harry Truman. What do you know about him? Other than the fact that he was President and ordered the atomic bomb be dropped, what else can you tell me about his career before and after he became President? What other tests of character did he face? Can you identify several different characteristics and examples of those characteristics in the events of his life? Take even the example you chose. You wrote that the decision revealed his values and who he really was. Okay. What were his values and who was he really? He was a patriot? That’s it? That’s all? That’s an easy one. Name more. But before you do, read about him on Wikipedia.
That’s something you really should do. Read about him and then look at what you wrote about him. Then actually name the characteristics his decisions reveal. Do that and message me or post an answer and I’ll check back.</p>
<p>I admit that the Truman example was not well developed. I only wanted a historical example (on top of a literary one) and Truman jumped to my mind because of a project I did about him. However, the project never quite covered his personality or character, and I thought I would make up some stuff. Even his wiki page doesn’t have much info on this, so perhaps making realistic stuff up would be best? But it turns out I wasn’t good at making stuff up. </p>
<p>I also remember feeling, while writing the essay, that I should have included other character traits that Truman’s decision uncovered. I let it go. But you made me realize that the reader won’t let it go. </p>
<p>Also, if I had developed and improved the 1st example to support my thesis better, would it have been a good essay? Is my template okay? </p>
<p>Incredibly grateful, Wood5440, thanks again for hitting my weak points.</p>
<p>Let me start by telling you that the writing you did in your last post is actually much better that the writing in your essay. I can see in your post that you have two potential advantages over the average SAT test taker. </p>
<p>First, it appears to me you are honestly trying to do well. Many of the posts I read on this board are from people trying to find short cuts and gimmicks to BS their way to better SAT scores. It isn’t going to happen any more that one can fake knowing how to play a trumpet. When the noises come out of the horn, everyone knows how well it’s being played.</p>
<p>That being said, there are hints in your post that you are trying to find an easy way to write. One is your comment about looking for an historical example to add to a literary one. Someone told you that was a good idea. Also, you are reluctant to let go of the idea of your “template”. (I’m not saying these things are totally wrong, but you may be doing the right thing for the wrong reason, and your template needs tweaking.)</p>
<p>Second, your writing suggests you do have the intellectual ability to write a 5-6 essay. Especially considering your age. Even so, it will require some real effort. You need to learn to generate a mature analysis of your subject. That requires two things: wide general knowledge and a developed habit of analytical thinking. The good news is that if you work to develop those, they will pay off bigtime in everything else you do throughout your life.</p>
<p>P.S. Did you actually read the entire Wiki article about Truman? I know it’s long and dense and refers to a lot of American history that you may not have studied, but try it anyway. Don’t read it like you are studying for a test:read it like you are just casually (not carelessly) reading to learn more about him. When you hit parts that cause you trouble, just read through them to get what you can on the first pass and keep going.</p>
<p>And now about your “template”.</p>
<p>I have a concept that I call “information density”. It has two parts. First, how much information do you have to convey? Second, how many words does it take to convey it? If you have an essay that has relatively high information density, lots of information in fewer words, you are well on your way to a score 6 essay.</p>
<p>Repetition is the enemy of information density. Re-read your essay and look at your intro and conclusion. The summary conclusion you used simply repeats the intro. That’s a useful way to end an essay sometimes, but it doesn’t add any new information, just more words. It’s an easier summary to write because it doesn’t require any deeper thinking. That’s why the majority of SAT essays have similar summary conclusions…and that’s also why the majority of SAT essays get 3 - 4 scores.</p>
<p>Okay, here’s the deal. Go back and read my last posts. If you want more, let me know. I can keep this up as long as you keep working. I know this school year is winding down. No doubt the pressure to get everything done before the year ends means some of your classes are kicking into high gear right up to finals. But it looks like you have plenty of time before you take the SAT for real, and that means you have time to do what you need to do to knock the SAT Verbal out of the park. You interested?</p>