Grade my Essay Please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Assignment: Can success be disastrous?</p>

<p>Success is what all people strive for, yet success is not always good. Through literary examples of The Great Gatsby and A Farewell to Arms, it can be seen that success can in fact be disastrous.</p>

<p>The Great Gatsby is a novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald detailing the rise of a man named Gatsby. Gatsby as a young adult met a beautiful girl named Daisy and, when they were separated, Gatsby made it his goal to win Daisy back. Through corruption, Gatsby accumulated a great fortune and bought a lavish mansion, all in the hopes of impressing Daisy. Fortunately for Gatsby, he was able to achieve his goal successfully and reunite with Daisy, as the two began a love affair. However, his joy quickly unwound with a disastrous turn of events. While riding home with Gatsby, Daisy hit and killed a woman. Seeking vengeance, the husband of the dead woman sought out Gatsby and killed him. This act of revenge effectively ended the success and achievement Gatsby had garnered. He reached his goal but in the short time he lived in that success it quickly stopped. It is the disaster of death for Gatsby which show how success can be terrible for one.</p>

<p>The theme of success culminating in disaster can also be seen in Ernest Hemingway's A Farewell to Arms. Lieutenant Frederic Henry was an ambulance driver in the Italian army and met an American nurse, Catherine Barkley. For Henry, falling in love with Catherine was on e of the greatest successes he would ever get! They were passionate in their love and stuck together even when forced to flee to Switzerland. In fact, Catherine had gotten pregnant and they could start a family together. Unfortunately, the unborn child never made it and was dead upon birth. Even worse for Henry was Catherine's death because of childbirth. The future for Henry looked so bright but within a moment had all fallen apart. He had nothing. Again, the downfall of Frederic Henry in A Farewell to Arms further proves that success can be disastrous.</p>

<p>All in all, the examples of Gatsby in The Great Gatsby and Frederic Henry in A Farewell to Arms show that success can indeed be disastrous. At one point, the characters could hold their heads so high but then that turned into nothing so very quickly.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>bump please</p>

3

<p>bump again</p>

4

<p>I’d give it a 6/12</p>

<p>While essays on the SAT should be generally formulaic, this one is extremely “uninspired”. Your transitions and diction are very bland and trite.
Also, the examples were predictable and even more importantly, did not answer the prompt well. There is no correlation between success and disaster in your examples. The disasters in the characters’ lives were not due to their disasters, and this is especially true in your Great Gatsby example.</p>

<p>Good examples for this prompt would be more along the lines of McDonalds (Started out as purpose-driven company that sold relatively good-quality food but then started earning a bad reputation for its neglect). </p>

<p>Try to be more interesting in your writing and also connecting the examples to the prompt better.</p>

5

<p>6/12 </p>

<p>for all the reasons GoodJobBro has already given</p>

6

<p>While I agree that this essay is kind of generic (especially the examples you used), it’s pretty decently written considering the 25 minute time limit. Also, try not to use “All in all” ever again. Ever. It might just be me, but I hate conclusions that begin with transition words. They’re really elementary at this point. </p>

<p>Sidebar: I’d write about the physical/mental toll of academic success at competitive American high schools and Amanda’s disastrous success in “The Glass Menagerie”.</p>