<p>Hey guys I just finished writing yet another essay for the SAT which I will be taking in june. Please grade and tell me what can be improved.
Thanks!</p>
<p>Is there any value for people to belong only to a group or groups with which they something in common?</p>
<p>By staying with people with whom you have things in common, you become narrow-minded due to the lack of contact with other cultures or different viewpoints. Several examples can help prove this point.</p>
<p>I have had the chance of coming into contact with many different people because since I was a little kid I have lived on 3 different continents, Europe, North America and Asia. This contact with groups with different interests has given me an open mind with which I can better understand the world. For instance, I know that in Macau, they speak Portuguese due to European imperialism in the 1800s. If I would have stayed in my native country of France, and have always remained in contact with people very similar to me, I would not be able to understand the world as well as I can now. This open mindedness can only result from entering in contact with people from different origins. For example, how would I know that Koreans are extremely diligent and astute students without having met several while attending an international school in Korea? Or how would I know the difference between simplified Chinese, traditional Chinese and Cantonese without having lived in China? These cultural experiences have provided me a backbone for becoming a complete and open-minded student. </p>
<p>As demonstrated by an article that I read recently about a young singer rising to popularity and fame on YouTube, being able to interact with groups with different ideas from ours can only be beneficial as it results in a increase in knowledge. This singer, who was able to combine music and sounds from different groups with different viewpoints than his own, believes that it is by entering in talking to people with not so similar interests as his own that he able to succeed. By not being narrow-minded and by accepting the opinions of others, his hit single was viewed several million times on YouTube. The article stressed the point that accepting the views others and not spending time only with people who share the same ideas was key in creating the perfect song. The artists song coalesced several styles such as hip=hop, k-pop, rap and electronic to create a mixture of sounds that ended up fitting perfectly well. The most important lesson tor retain from this example, is that being open-minded can only engender positive consequences.</p>
<p>To conclude, it is easily seen daily that we live in a very international world where open-minded people who made the effort of going out and meeting other individuals are the most successful as they obtain valuable knowledge in the process.</p>
<p>Hey Remi56783,</p>
<p>I would give your essay a 4 (borderline 5) out of 6. </p>
<p>You have a nice writing style but you need to be careful about what details you elaborate on. Make sure whatever you go into detail about is necessary to answer the question. All other details should be kept out. Details, like “For instance, I know that in Macau, they speak Portuguese due to European imperialism in the 1800’s” in your first example, are unnecessary and detract from the essay. How does knowing that fact make one openminded, or unprejudiced?</p>
<p>Although your personal experience was very interesting, it only went as far as saying that belonging to groups with different opinions then one’s own makes one “complete and open minded.” This is nice but a little vague and incomplete. I have found that the difference between a 4, 5, and a 6 is largely in critical thinking. Take your ideas to the end. What are implications of this openmindedness in one’s life and in the world? Go one step further by maybe saying something like this: the openmindedness gained from belonging to groups with different perspectives helps one become more understanding and tolerant of the people around them, promoting peace instead of common day conflict. I would recommend not writing about yourself in these essays. It has been shown that essays with examples from history, literature, and the contemporary world score better and with less effort than personal examples.</p>
<p>In your second example, I think you may have needed to be more specific. What is the name of this singer? What specific views did he include in his song that were contrary to his own? What “positive consequences” are created by openmindedness? </p>
<p>Try to include a third example in there. It makes your argument feel more substantiated. Also, I recommend not starting off your conclusion with “to conclude”. It is apparent it is the conclusion.</p>
<p>Look at this link if you haven’t already: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html</a>. Its very helpful for the essay. I hope this helped. Just remember to use relevant details and fully worked out reasoning.</p>
<p>Good luck mastering the SAT essay!</p>
<p>Thanks a lot,
lol the reason the second example is vague is because I made it up haha</p>
<p>And one question, what kind of example from literature or history would you have used in this prompt?</p>
<p>Actually after rereading the question, I realized that you didn’t answer the question. Your thesis only identifies one negative consequence of being in groups like oneself by stating that they produce “narrow-minded”-ness. However, you never actually agreed or disagreed to the question. The question is not are there any negatives to joining a group with which one has something in common, but is there <em>any value</em> for people to belong only to groups with which they something in common? Explain why being in groups like oneself can or cannot have value?</p>
<p>Also, your examples don’t support your thesis. Your examples show that groups <em>unlike</em> oneself produce openmindedness; however, the question asked about groups <em>like</em> oneself, so you need examples that fit that topic. </p>
<p>Haha. Good work making up the example. 
But, there are plenty of examples from history and literature that are much better than any example made up in less than 25 minutes.</p>
<p>For your position, one history example could be the KKK during the late 1800’s because it served to perpetuate racial injustice and left its members adamantly opposed to needed social reform, and a literature example could be The Lord of the Flies (if you have read it) because the children in the novel join together to create a democratic government, but by the denouement, they had created a totalitarian and blood thirsty society in which some boys were killed and others had their senses of morals radically impaired.</p>
<p>Overall, Be careful to answer the question COMPLETELY and with some explanation, and make sure your examples prove your thesis is correct (like a mathematical proof, no aspect left unexplained). Good Luck! Practice makes perfect!</p>
<p>Actually physicsman, I wouldn’t look at it like that. No SAT essay “proves” anything, considering all of the essay questions are subjective. What the OP needs to do is construct an insightful argument that supports his position on the essay topic.</p>
<p>13transfer, </p>
<p>I always liken the essay to a math proof in my mind because it ensures that each example strongly supports my thesis just like each step in a proof supports the central claim. I am much better in math, so it helps me to think in those terms. I got a 12 on the essay by thinking that way, but I understand that it may not work for everyone.</p>