Grade my essay!!! (PLZ I'M DESPERATE)

Prompt: Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves?

The assumption that people are born with or given identities is a categorical falsehood. Although many advocates of the notion that identities are predestined would argue that circumstances and upbringings define a person, these critics are too dogmatic in their provincial ideology. It is not the world that shapes the individual’s identity, but the individual who shapes their identity. Three prominent examples that exemplify how an individual is the creator of their identity are Edmund Dantes from the Count of Monte Cristo, Andrew Jackson, and Steve Jobs.

Set in the middle part of the 19th century, The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas illustrates how an individual can fabricate their own identitty with the main character and Byronic hero, Edmund Dantes. Framed and consequently imprisoned for life, Edmund decides to create multiple identities and personas to wrought his revenge upon his assailants who framed him for a crime that he is not responsible for. After reviewing new riches following his escape from prison, Edmund Dantes became the Count of Monte Cristo, which to him, was reaching a higher level than any other human. He believe that his new identity commensurated himself to God. Edmund’s rebirth into the Count reiterates the truth that individuals have the puissance to create their identity at their will.

Another paradigm that prominently displays an individual’s power to create their own identity, regardless of their upbringing, is Andrew Jackson. Andrew Jackson, also known as “Old Hickory”, which was a nickname given to him that refers to his humble countryside childhood, appealed to voters through the appeal of his Southern identity. Throughout his presidency, his revolutionary changes in electoral rules and campaign styles were making his political ethos more democratic. By becoming a leader of democracy and creating his own identity as a proud Southerner, his presidency came to be known as the age of Jacksonian Democracy.

Yet another archetype of a person’s ability to paint their own identity is Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs grew the world’s most powerful company, Apple, with a clear vision of what kind of company he wanted it to be. As the master for projecting the identity of Apple, he began to project an identity for himself. He, and he alone was responsible for the projection of Apple’s core values. By becoming the face of Apple, the world’s most influential company, Steve Jobs created a name for himself as the world’s most influential man.

In summation, the notion that a world molds a person into who they are is a fallacy. Anybody can create a name or legacy for themselves, fueled by their own will, regardless of their circumstances.

identity****
lol

You start off in the very first line saying that anyone who disagrees with you is wrong.

Yet they wouldn’t have given the prompt had they not felt there was a decent argument either way.

Two lines later, you describe anyone who disagrees with you as “provincial.” Let’s hope that the reader of your essay agrees with you. I think it’s absolutely possible to be convinced of your opinion without insulting anyone who disagrees with you.

And, for what it’s worth, I think you’re trying a little too hard to fill your essay with SAT vocab words.

I think it’s A+++++++

Your vocabulary does sound a little grandiose, but if that’s the way you write, it’s fine.

I’m going to have to credit you for “In summation” whenever I use it in an essay now. LOL

do you think that you can give me an essay score? I forgot to mention that it is on the SAT scale! :frowning: @MissSuzyQ

Too much SAT vocab–it throws it off.

Also, make sure to stay in present tense when you’re describing events in a book–“wrought,” for example, is past tense. You can separate your sentences a little bit; they’re lengthy enough to make the subject confusing at times (and an ambiguous subject can make text very confusing). Some of your other words (e.g. reviewing) make no sense in the context.

With vocabulary, simple is best. Don’t try to overdo it.

I’d give it a 10, although I’m not absolutely sure how SAT essays are scored; but I believe that examples are a big part of them, so that gives you some bonus points.