Grade my Jan. SAT Essay and tell me how to improve

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Does pressure increase productivity?</p>

<p>-Tell me what I should have got, and how I should improve. I did lower than what I had expected.</p>

<p>The demands of other people never tend to increase the productivity of people. This viewpoint is prevalent to European history, and literature, specifically supported by King Louis the 16th and Leper Lepellier. </p>

<p>King Louis the 16th was King of France during the French Revolution. He was a stolid King, and also a very unliked King. His people at the time were starving and losing their jobs. The price of bread rose so high that people could not eat for days. Consequently, they were not happy with Louis the 16th. They called for demands, reforms, and lower taxes; however, these pressures did nothing to change Louis the 16th's policies. In fact, he did not do anything at all. he continued to eat voraciously, and did nothing to help his people. In the end, he was killed in the revolution. This shows that harsh demands and pressures do not increase productivity; in fact, it made King Louis the 16th do less than what he had done prior to the demands.</p>

<p>Another example supporting this viewpoint is the novel by John Knowles, "A separate Peace." This novel revolves around the relationship of 4 boys in their boarding school during World War II. Leper is one of these boys. He is naive and timid, and some see him as a weirdo. It is no surprise that other boys find him anomalous; he owns a snailfarm, likes to go cross country skiing, and draws rabbits in his free time. However, Leper Lepellier signs up for the war. Many, people expected the demands and pressures to increase Leper's productivity and make him "more of a man." However, as seen in the example with King Louis the 16th, these pressures did not do that. These pressures actually made Leper go into hiding. He is unable to cope with the rigorous excersizes and eventually gets kicked out of the army for "psychological problems." Leper then goes into hiding where he goes back to his old self; he is no more of a man than before. These pressures and demands did not increase Leper's productivity. He was the same person before he received the demands and pressures than he was after. </p>

<p>In conclusion, selective pressures do nothing to increase productivity. In teh case of King Louis the 16th and Lepper Lepellier, pressures and demands did nothing. King Louis the 16th did nothing under pressure from his people, so his level of productivity was zero. Leper Lepellier collapsed under pressure and got booted from the army, thus earning a productivity level of zero.</p>

<p>1.8 pages.</p>

2

<p>what did you get? i made a thread exactly like your’s. I got a 9 on my essay. I’m not really a credible source i only got a 2040 :(</p>

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<p>i think you need a stronger introduction and have to include a “because”. For example, “The demands of other people never tend to increase the productivity of people because…”
-“unliked” is not a word
-underline the title of novel if you cannot italicize.</p>

<p>I think your examples were good and germane to the prompt.
The conclusion sounds like a response to an open ended physics question to me. You need a stronger into and conclusion. </p>

<p>I would say anything from 8-10, but I’m guessing a 9.</p>

4

<p>thanks… I’ll reveal my score in a bit… more advice please!</p>

<p>^hahaha I can’t believe I used “unliked”</p>

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<p>RAlec what did you get on the essay?</p>

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<ol>
<li> 10 char.</li>
</ol>

7

<p>If you had time for another example, you could have probably hit an 11 or 12.</p>

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<p>Spice up the language choice (you have a lot of good ones, try even more), and use some cool sentence structure (again, you have some, but some of your sentences are very short/basic). It makes the paper sound a lot less basic. I got a 12 on this paper by the way. I’d be happy to share my essay if you want.</p>

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<p>please do share it Chicago or PM it to me.</p>

<p>Nice score. I hope I can get a 10 or an 11 in March. I just have trouble coming up with good examples. Your examples here were very good.</p>

10

<p>^Chicago701, please share your essay with us. It would really help to see a 12.</p>

11

<p>full two pages, to the final space in the final line:</p>

<p>The existence of stress in the universe is an indicator of incentive. It encourages a person to complete work more efficiently and helps facilitate speed in accomplishing tasks. In all aspects of life, stress, though seemingly overwhelming, can actually help productivity. This can most clearly be noted in academics, the work place, and in one’s personal life.</p>

<p>The modern American education system typically implements a plethora of deadline and goals for students to meet associated with examination and long or short term assignments and projects. It is the student’s responsibility to prioritize and perform at his or her best with each task given. These demands from teachers make the student more productive by forcing them to concentrate their efforts on a particular task in a small time frame. If there was no deadline, the student would likely not attempt to complete the task in an appropriate time frame, as human instinct tells them to do what is required. These deadlines are the only way that teachers can transfer a wide scope of knowledge to the student’s mind. This is proven through the implementation of greater stress at a University level, where more knowledge is transferred from instructor to students in very limited amounts of time. The scarcity of time for a person to apprehend these concepts generates stress. It seems natural for students to be exposed to stress-generating situations, as they play a major role throughout life.</p>

<p>After the student has graduated and become a member of the workforce, he or she will be expected to follow the rules and meet the set deadlines for the company he or she works for. The existence of stress in the workplace is pivotal to the development of capitalism as defined in Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations. This can be seen through analysis of the laws of competition. As stress increases productivity in workers, companies as a whole will become more productive as a result of its employees. This will create competition among job candidates and among companies, a cyclical process that would increase the companies standards over time. As the most efficient workers and companies will command market appeal, stress plays a central role in the success of capitalist economics and the work place. The lack of equal stresses in socialistic economies have consequentially led to their decline, as stress is a natural indicator, regulator, and stimulator. </p>

<p>The natural indicator again applies in all aspects of life, including personal goals and deadlines. A common social goal for many American women is to marry before the age of thirty. This self-implemented deadline provides an incentive to actively scope out a suitable partner before the deadline passes. This will lead to a likely accomplishment or some progression in the goal. Without the deadline, women would not feel pressure to marry before a certain age, and would therefore place less importance in finding a partner.</p>

<p>Stress is a natural indicator for incentive and satisfaction. It is a universal law that applies in all aspects of existence, be it educational systems, economics, or even personal life. It fosters productivity and creates generally positive results. Without stress, lack of incentive would destroy productivity in these and infinitely many other areas, creating incompensatable setbacks in all aspects of life.</p>

12

<p>I think transitions helped me a lot, ad did parallelism (at times), and my recurring arguments</p>

<p>BTW, if anybody could give some Vocab/Long Passage CR help, I’d be appreciative.</p>