PLEASE GRADE MY ESSAY

Q. Do the demands of others tend to make people more productive than they would be without such pressure?

Yes,it is due to the demands of others that a person becomes more productive. Although many people say that taking up a lot of pressure make people go to the point of committing suicide .I feel that the pressure helps a person to get inspired and work for others and fulfill their demands . Demands and production are coo related and has helped in increasing productivity.

In the case of India a democratic country where the country is run by the people,the government works according to the peoples demands, it also a productive government because of the pressure exerted by the people’s demands.On the contrary had there not been any pressure from the citizens of India or any other country the country would not be very productive. A compelling example is the huge number of rape cases in India which has made the citizens angry and who
in turn pressurized the government to take serious measures against such violent and sangenious crimes,which alerted the
government who took serious steps to curb such crimes.In this case the demands of the people pressurized the government to accept their demands and the needs of the people helped the government become more productive.

Same is the case of a soccer club like Chelsea FC which was not such a great team at the beginning of the 2011- 2012 season ,they had displayed some seriously bad results but the fans never kept quiet they urged the team to perform better.The pressure exerted by the fans on the players and the coach helped them not only to become a better team but also a helped them win the champions league and FA cup.The pressure of the fans surely helped them become better but had there been no demands from the fans the team would not have been very productive.

From the above examples we can conclude that the whole world depends on the concept demands and production and the the demands of other people tend to make people more productive.

could anyone pls tell me where to improve

Don’t start off the essay directly answering the question.

I don’t feel super qualified to revise your essay, but I agree with the above poster; just get rid of the “yes” and it should start a lot smoother :slight_smile:

I would suggest submitting the essay to tutor.com under essay revisions–you can get a qualified person to critically revise your essays in 24 hours. It’s worked for me for two years thus far…might help you too!

Good luck!

thanks a lot :wink: