Grade my SAT essay please?

College Essays
1

If someone could please give this essay a score from 2-12, I would really appreciate it. Please keep in mind, though, that this is the first real SAT essay I have written, so I’m just trying to set a staring place for myself.

The question: Is technology dangerous, or does it provide a way to solve our problems?

Technology, while not flawless, is the most useful tool that we possess in the modern world, and we therefore must be sure to make the most of it. Quite unsurprisingly (since technology has been so quickly developing in recent years) is has a huge influence on our economy, and has in that respect proven to be very beneficial. It also has its uses in communication, which has been enhanced thanks to telephones and the Internet, and entertainment, which - without technology - would not be nearly as diverse as it is.
The United States is among the leading countries in the world for technology. There are hundreds of factories producing increasingly large exports each day - and even the factories themselves rely firmly on technology. The machines involved in producing any of the country’s exports are vitally important to the economy, and the factories which make technological items (of which there are a good number) are among the most important. Plus, the factories create jobs, as do websites and so many other aspects of technology. So, the the economy is definitely helped rather than hindered by technological advancements.
One of the most important aspects of our day to day lives is human interaction; communication with our friends and family members. Since we now have telephones and - even more incredibly - mobile phones, we can get in touch with whoever we need, wherever they may be. This is not only satisfactory, but also highly useful in case of an emergency - we need only dial three numbers to be requesting an ambulance, any distance away from a police station. Put this together with the fact that we can video chat with relatives on the other side of the world and share photos and status updates with old school friends, and it becomes fairly clear that technology is the best thing ever to happen to communication.
Technology also allows the entertainment industry to thrive - television has become a huge industry, with genres ranging from documentaries to sit-coms. Entertainment consists of more that just this, though: the Internet has sparked the birth of YouTube, a platform for anyone in the world to out themselves out there, where pop star Justin Bieber was discovered and comedians such as Smosh and Dan Howell built their roads to success.
In summary, technology provides us with a vast variety of economical and social benefits, and we should use its power to our advantage rather than fear its potential.

Also, I’m an international student and was wondering if US students get any practice or preservation for the SAT (not necessarily the essay, just any of it) in school. Thank you in advance, any help is much appreciated.

2

I didn’t realise that it had cancelled the indentations when I put it up: here’s a more readable version.

Technology, while not flawless, is the most useful tool that we possess in the modern world, and we therefore must be sure to make the most of it. Quite unsurprisingly (since technology has been so quickly developing in recent years) is has a huge influence on our economy, and has in that respect proven to be very beneficial. It also has its uses in communication, which has been enhanced thanks to telephones and the Internet, and entertainment, which - without technology - would not be nearly as diverse as it is.

The United States is among the leading countries in the world for technology. There are hundreds of factories producing increasingly large exports each day - and even the factories themselves rely firmly on technology. The machines involved in producing any of the country’s exports are vitally important to the economy, and the factories which make technological items (of which there are a good number) are among the most important. Plus, the factories create jobs, as do websites and so many other aspects of technology. So, the the economy is definitely helped rather than hindered by technological advancements.

One of the most important aspects of our day to day lives is human interaction; communication with our friends and family members. Since we now have telephones and - even more incredibly - mobile phones, we can get in touch with whoever we need, wherever they may be. This is not only satisfactory, but also highly useful in case of an emergency - we need only dial three numbers to be requesting an ambulance, any distance away from a police station. Put this together with the fact that we can video chat with relatives on the other side of the world and share photos and status updates with old school friends, and it becomes fairly clear that technology is the best thing ever to happen to communication.

Technology also allows the entertainment industry to thrive - television has become a huge industry, with genres ranging from documentaries to sit-coms. Entertainment consists of more that just this, though: the Internet has sparked the birth of YouTube, a platform for anyone in the world to out themselves out there, where pop star Justin Bieber was discovered and comedians such as Smosh and Dan Howell built their roads to success.

In summary, technology provides us with a vast variety of economical and social benefits, and we should use its power to our advantage rather than fear its potential.

3

is has a huge influence on our economy
*it has

which - without technology -
Hyphens are not dashes. Hyphens go within compound words, like five-year-old. Dashes (the em dash is the one you want here) are longer. If you can’t copy and paste one, you can emulate it by using two hyphens in a row–like this, or – like this.

The United States is among the leading countries in the world for technology.
This entire paragraph is extremely vague. WHAT companies? WHAT objects? WHAT technology? HOW does it help the economy? By HOW MUCH?

One of the most important aspects of our day to day lives is human interaction;
That’s not much of a transition.

communication with our friends and family members.
This is not an independent clause; therefore, you cannot use a semicolon right before it.

to be requesting an ambulance
*to request an ambulance

is the best thing ever to happen to communication.

  1. Sounds juvenile.
  2. If you’re going to make a claim like that, you’re going to have to prove it. I would argue that language is the best thing ever to happen to communication. So don’t make a claim like that.

sit-coms
Even though this is technically short for “situation comedy” (just looked that up, learn something new every day), “sitcom” is one word.

the Internet has sparked the birth of YouTube, a platform for anyone in the world to out themselves out there, where pop star Justin Bieber was discovered and comedians such as Smosh and Dan Howell built their roads to success.
…That’s all? That’s the end of this paragraph? Aren’t you going to explain why this is important?

In summary, technology provides us with a vast variety of economical and social benefits, and we should use its power to our advantage rather than fear its potential.

One sentence does not a conclusion make.

Overall, you need better examples. These are all quite vague and you don’t explain why they support your point. SAT examples are supposed to be drawn from history, literature, or (sparingly) your own personal experiences. Find an instance in history when technology benefited the economy. Find a literary example where technology made an impact on someone’s life. Don’t just say “this is the way it is and it’s great.” As it is, you haven’t proven anything; we have to take your word for all of this, which I as a reader am just not going to do.

7/12? I dunno. It’s grammatically not bad, with only a handful of errors. But your setup needs work.

4

Thanks for the help - the typos weren’t a problem when I hand wrote it, so that wasn’t the kind of thing I was looking for, nor was the fact that I used hyphens instead of dashes, since again this would not be relevant when hand written.

However, I understand that a lot of what I said was vague, and appreciate the feedback. I just don’t know how to get sources for it, or what to refer to, but I know that I need to fix that. Are US students taught about this kind of thing, or any aspect of the SAT?

5

No, they aren’t taught about SAT subjects. You should refer to history, science, etc. Just draw from what you have been taught in school or what you have come across in your own reading.