Grade my two essays please?

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>Do the demands of others tend to make people more productive than they would be without such pressure?</p>

<p>Pressure is key to increasing productivity. This is clear through the observation of children, the life of Darren Williams and a book dedicated to relieving pressure.
Children are at the stage of life where one is immune to many influences such as peer pressure, conflicts and the need to improve. Thus, observing children is the best way to analyze certain problems. Children live happily, without any stress, without any substantial thought for maintaining their own lives. They spend their days playing. It is without doubt that although they are at a learning stage, they are not nearly productive. Possibly, it can be concluded that without pressure, as human beings, we choose to stay carefree and therefore low in productivity.
Darren Williams was an acclaimed scientist who devoted his life to neuroscience. He was born to a rich family and lived his early years in a mansion. Needless to say, their lives were lavish, and under no circumstance had they ever suffered the feeling of an empty stomach or anything anywhere near that. Living in such opulence, Darren Williams wasn’t compelled to do anything for a career, in fact, his sons and grand-sons could do so and still live the lives of kings. However, his father passed away in an accident, and with no one to support the family they soon fell into poverty. Such tragedy awakened Darren from his dreamland, and from then on, with the family on his back, he strove to reach the pinnacle of science. And reach it he did. Without the tragedy of his father and the pressure that followed, Darren would never have unearthed his talent for science. And without the urgency to provide money, Darren would not have increased his productivity.
A Finnish book “Relieving pressure” briefly touched on the relationship about pressure and productivity. It loosely stated that to relieve pressure, one would have to let go of the productivity at the workplace. To achieve ultimate relief, one could not be buried in increasing one’s productivity. Although pressure is not a good thing, as the book describes later on as a catalyst for low spirits, it does, through deduction, increase productivity.
After carefully analyzing the behavior of children, the life of Darren Williams and “Relieving pressure” it is unambiguous that pressure can, indeed, be crucial to increased productivity. Although pressure does have many unwanted side-effects, without it one would experience a decrease in productivity.</p>

<p>Should all people’s opinions be valued equally, or should only informed opinions be taken seriously?</p>

<p>Democracy is the prevalent attitude in today’s societies, yet it nurtures the most controversial of topics. It supports the opinion that all people’s opinions should be valued equally, which is a major misconception. We shouldn’t take into account wild and illogical opinions. This is prominent in a Chinese proverb, the life of Jimmy Curr and my personal experience.
“When a general is on the battlefield, he no longer needs to follow the orders of the emperor.” This is, perhaps, the most famous Chinese axiom. The general on the battlefield understands the current situation and can accurately predict forthcomings, whilst the emperor commands from the fog. In ancient China, to disobey the emperor was to risk death. Yet this proverb stands. In the light of masterminding a battle, even the emperor’s opinion can be excluded. It suggests that in many situations, only those logical and understandable opinions should be counted.
Jimmy Curr was a twentieth century politician. Not only was he in the arts of politics, but he also spent much of his time managing a balancing act, constantly taking surveys of the opinions of the people and incorporating them in his ideas. This is similar to today’s democratic world. Yet this highly vouched method proved to be his downfall. In a major drought, the people demanded increased support from the government, requesting finances to make-up for their huge losses and to cover the costs of the coming year. Jimmy Curr obliged and the government followed his will. Finances and help spread throughout the country, and although it helped stem the wound of the drought, which in itself was an arbitrary event, it also bled the government dry. A branch of leading politicians swiftly laid blame upon Jimmy Curr and despite his good-will, by listening to the uninformed, he downed the government’s treasury and himself with it. If he had taken the extra step to research about the government’s financial state, he would not have fell into the welcoming trap.
In Year 6, the last year of primary school, I was concerned with the usage of our school’s playground. As a result, I and a group of friends with equivalent ideas decided to take action. Although when I look back, the reason was trivial; at the time we were hotheaded and determined to force our case. We accumulated signatures of the people in our year and send it without second thought to our principal. All we did was earn ourselves a stern censure, a simple and logical explanation and a loss of self-esteem. We were uninformed, and thus provided an incorrect viewpoint.
After a careful analysis of a Chinese proverb, the life of Jimmy Curr and my personal experience it is, indeed, clear that only insightful and logical opinions should be considered. If we were to consider illogical and wild opinions, society would fall into chaos and order was be impossible to restore. As John Chaffee said “Opinions are valuable only when they are backed up by thorough knowledge of the subject.”</p>

<p>I’m only doing essay #1:

  • “Children are at the stage of life where one is immune to many influences such as peer pressure, conflicts and the need to improve.”* ???
    Then * “Thus, observing children is the best way to analyze certain problems.”*
    There was no A implies B here. What problems?</p>

<p>“Without the tragedy of his father and the pressure that followed, Darren would never have unearthed his talent for science. And without the urgency to provide money, Darren would not have increased his productivity.”</p>

<p>What peer pressure that followed? Your entire paragraph was worthless because it didn’t deal with the topic. No proof, nothing.</p>

<p>"A Finnish book “Relieving pressure” When you make up examples, you shouldn’t just say “this fake book proves [jumble around the topic sentence and essay question]” That is worthless. Look at the next question: “Should all people’s opinions be valued equally, or should only informed opinions be taken seriously.” Imagine if I were to write “The German book Disregarding Uninformed Opinions shows statistical evidence that only informed opinions should be taken seriously.” </p>

<p>I would give this a score of 2/6 for severe argumentation flaws, but there is a chance that College Board would be slightly more generous (though maybe not) and bump you up to a 3.</p>