I humbly wish for someone to grade my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<h2>Assignment: Do the demands of others tend to make people more productive than they would be without such pressure?</h2>

<p>Demands and pressure of other people tend to drive people down, doing things serenely without pressure can never be the same doing things irrationally just to satisfy those who are demanding. Several examples from history and personal life serve to prove my point that demands and pressure of other people tend to drive people down.
Mary Cassatt was born in Allegheny City, Pennsylvania and then moved Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Mary Cassatt grew up in an environment that viewed travel as integral to education, however, Mary Cassatt always wanted to be a professional artist but her father resisted her chosen vocation and refused to aid her financially hoping that she would one day continue his line of work as a stock broker and financier, Mary's father pressured Mary until she one day decided to obey her father, as a result, she was a very unsuccessful stock broker, she hated her work and, more importantly, she was pressured into doing it that's why she was unsuccessful. after a month of working as a stock broker, she returned to her former profession as an artist, Mary Cassatt loved her work so much that when she got blind at the age of 70, she continued painting blindly and showed 18 works in an exhibition in 1915.
Also another personal example serves to prove that demands and pressure tend to drive people down.</p>

<h2>One of my friends registered for the SAT and scored 2060, when his family knew about his score , they started pressuring him and telling him that he'll certainly score higher next time, my friend was very stressed and wanted to live up to their expectations that during his second test all he could think about was to score higher and live up to his family's expectations, when his scores came out, it was alot lower than what anyone had expected. By observing how pressure drove down Mary Cassatt and my friend, one can conclude that pressure, indeed, tends to drive people down.</h2>

<p>please score out of 12</p>

2

<p>hardcore 8 but could have been a 10 if you had elongated the second example!</p>

3

<p>7/12 10char</p>

4

<p>8-9ish. You have several run on sentences which affected the flow of your writing. Replace some of your commas with periods.</p>

5

<p>@momomo so if it wasnt for the grammar how much would i have scored?</p>

6

<p>Then I’d probably bump it up to a 9-10, but a 10-11 with a better conclusion :slight_smile: Remember the essay doesn’t actually count for much though. I got a 9 on mine and still scored 740 on the writing</p>

7

<p>6-7 out of 12. your intro is weak and you didn’t elaborate clearly on your thesis.
You also didn’t address any examples or arguments to the contrary and you didn’t connect your examples back to your thesis or explain their relevance. Due to all of this and an awkward structure even the most generous graders would give you a 6 or 7. Sorry and keep working on it.</p>