Grade this essay?

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1

<p>I'm not as good as other people when it comes to SATs so bear with me.
Topic: Is it better for people to learn from others than to learn on their own?</p>

<p>While some people may prefer to learn things independently, it is without a doubt that learning from a role model or teacher is a lot more efficient. One may be inexperienced to make certain judgment calls and the teacher serves as a fountain of knowledge and guidance for the pupil. The speeches from Martin Luther King and training that Bilbo undergoes in The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien clearly demonstrate this.</p>

<p>Martin Luther King was an eqoulent preacher of his time, a role model for African Americans during the Civil Rights Movement. He was the leader of many African American organizations including the SCLC which was a Christian community that was focused on furthering the rights of blacks. Martin Luther King was clearly a man of status and it's not a surprise to see others following in his footsteps. He united the protesters together as one and shared his knowledge with the community. Instead of individual blacks trying to learn the cure for this plague known as segregation; Martin Luther King spoke out collectively to the people. Obviously, he was a great teacher because his tactics of non-violent protest succeeded.</p>

<p>Another example on how learning from a role model or teacher is better than tackling a situation on your own is from The Hobbit. In The Hobbit Bilbo was approached by Gandalf, the knowledgeable wizard. Gandalf wanted Bilbo to participate in an elaborate quest to slay a dragon and steal its hoard. Bilbo feels insecure about his abilities but Gandalf has faith in him. He accompanies Bilbo on the task along with a group of dwarves. Throughout the novel Gandalf offers his guidance to Bilbo and does his best to ensure Bilbo's safety. Without Gandalf's assistance, Bilbo would surely have died. Therefore, not only is a teacher good for sharing knowledge, he or she can also be valuable to your safety depending on what you're doing. Obviously, Gandalf played a key supportive role that helped Bilbo along the quest.</p>

<p>In conclusion, it is a lot better to learn things from a teacher rather than independently. Guidance on a particular issue is priceless as it is always beneficial to receive knowledge on what ever you're doing. The preaches from Martin Luther King and the events from The Hobbit clearly demonstrate this.</p>

2

<p>I’d give it at most a 10. You used clich</p>

3

<p>Your vocabulary range is limited, your sentence structure is not diverse. (I can see no complex senteces anywhere in the essay.) and there is no “real flow.” The real flow makes the reader forget that he/she is grading an essay. They should feel like they’re sliding down a water slide, not rolling down a rocky hill. You see what I mean? Although you do use transitional phrases/words, they connect very weak diction. I hoped this helped.</p>

4

<p>My sense is that your choice of topic, and your two examples are fine. What would affect your score are the basics: grammar errors, awkward phrasing, and poor choice of words. I’ll give some examples below. I would encourage you to have your English teacher review the essay, and that you rewrite it based on such a review. Then practice writing!</p>

<p>First I’m looking at your third paragraph – i.e. the Hobbit. Here you mix past tense with present tense. Your narrative needs to stick to one, and I would recommend that it be the present tense. </p>

<p>Your phrasing in the sentence:</p>

<p>“Therefore, not only is a teacher good for sharing knowledge, he or she can also be valuable to your safety depending on what you’re doing.”</p>

<p>is awkward, and grammatically flawed.</p>

<p>Another example is the use of the word “preaches” as a noun in your last paragraph. It’s a verb. Perhaps you can use “sermons” instead</p>

5

<p>I’d give it an 8 or a 9. </p>

<p>Your examples were okay, but not necessarily the strongest. A third example could’ve helped here. Your writing could be a little more fluent and cohesive, but overall, your message could be understood. Pay attention to diction as well (try using a more comprehensive vocabulary).</p>

<p>Besides some hiccups in fluidity, your essay was okay as a whole. As I said, I would have given it an 8 (4 and a 4) or a 9 (4 and a 5). </p>

<p>Keep at it. :)</p>

6

<p>Thanks for the replies. The errors in diction, fluidity, etc is mostly due to the time restraint and when i’m unsure on what to write. I know what I want to say and I have the ideas but the problem is connecting them all without any grammar errors.</p>