<p>If I’m not way out of date, the first semester of MIT is till pass/fail, which takes some of the stress off while you are adjusting. </p>
<p>From what I’ve heard about MIT, it’s a very competitive environment in one sense but isn’t at all in another. The work load isheavier than at most colleges. Almost everyone is a serious student. Yet, there seems to be a lot of emphasis on cooperative projects. It’s not the sort of place where students try to sabotage others.</p>
<p>Firelight - It seems to me that on some level, you recognize that this is your mom’s problem and not yours. However, it is, of course, difficult to grow up without the nurturing of a mother and to not feel some measure of depreciation - regardless of how off-base that is.</p>
<p>It’s just a fact, mom’s are human and they’re not perfect. Not all of them are going to be nurturing and loving. It certainly would be ideal if they all were. I would imagine that’s how you will want to be when you are a mom one day (perhaps). However, you drew a bad card. You got a less than nurturing and loving mom. That does not make you a less than loveable person, however. Just 'cause mom’s are supposed to love us and nurture us, that doesn’t mean they necessarily will. And no matter what you do and how you may try, you won’t be able to make a leopard change it’s spots. Not because you are deficient, but because leopards are leopards. You are fortunate that you have your brother. You also seem fortunate to be very insightful and intelligent. There will be many people who come through your life who will be capable of loving you. So, long as you always remember that you are a lovable person - regardless of what your mother thinks or how she behaves - others will recognize that and love you. It doesn’t really matter where the love comes from, so long as it is genuine. It’s always great when it comes from a mom, but sometimes that’s just not in the cards. You’ll have great friends with great parents who will love you, great teachers and mentors who will love you, and one day a great significant other who will love you. But you have to ALWAYS remember that even though she’s your mom she is a fallible human being. And if she doesn’t love you (a big “if”) doesn’t mean she holds some truth that means you are unlovable - it just means SHE can’t love you. And that is very sad for her. Because you sound like a very lovely loveable girl.</p>
<p>Firelight - Sorry you’ve had such a tough childhood. Good luck! </p>
<p>“Because when I go home at night, my mom never talks to me. She never says hi, or asks how I am doing. It’s like she is an invisible wall.” - Life is funny. I have a daughter that on some days would like an invisible wall mom ;)</p>
<p>Firelight …I think when you move out of the house a whole weight will be lifted off of you. You will likely be happier than you have been in a long time. I suggest whatever school you choose, take advantage of the counseling services that are available, it will be a huge help. </p>
<p>Even if you are out of the house if you let her she will have the ability to bring you down. Counseling will help you avoid that. You figured out at 18 what it took to until 40 something to learn. You are going to be fine!</p>
<p>Go to MIT (if that is your desire). Yes, it can be intimidating, but (most) everyone finds it that way. You must be pretty smart to get accepted. I went there and found it to be intimidating at first, but you then just settle into the pattern of classes, labs, social life, sports, etc. </p>
<p>MIT does have a great set of student counselors that can help you with your mother situation. IMHO, just being in a different environment will lift a great burden off your shoulders.</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear how you’ve been treated. Your mom obviously has some very serious issues herself that negatively affected her parenting skills.</p>
<p>The thing that may be hardest for you to do is to tell yourself that you did nothing wrong to deserve such abuse and neglect. You sound very bright, and being accepted at MIT is fantastic! But it’s also all right for you to let go. She is your mother, but she has contributed so negatively to your life that it’s time to find out for yourself that you are a person to be respected. Allow others to know you and like you, and your self-worth will grow to what it should be. I wish you all the best.</p>
<p>Congrats on all you have achieved to date. I’m sorry you have had such a difficult childhood and so much hardship from your mom. </p>
<p>One thing that has not been touched on but may be important is whether you have chosen a “financial safety” school–one that you can afford in the event you do not get any merit aid and in case your FAid award is not high enough. This can prevent you from having a lot of sadness down the road if you get into a lot of wonderful places but your family decides they can’t or won’t pay what is needed.</p>
<p>Again–congrats & good luck!</p>
<p>Firelight, I think the reason a poster recommended meeting a counselor, even if things seem to be going well, is so that if you hit a difficult point regarding your mother or just school in general, you will already have established a relationship with someone who can help you. It takes time to develop trust in a counselor/therapist. If you are in “crisis” and very upset/depressed, that is not the time to just be trying to trust someone with your biggest secrets and feelings. Meeting a counselor a couple times when you are in a “good place” emotionally, to be able to get to know them, and let them know simply that you have had a rough upbringing, and while you don’t want to get into it now, you know you might like to have a “touch-stone” should you need one, can really help you feel comfortable to open up if you feel like everything is just too much to deal with. You sound like a very strong person, and I am sure you will do well at MIT.</p>
<p>Also having grown up with abusive and manipulative parents, I know there are times when you will have reactions to things that you just don’t understand. Those old tapes tend to go on autoplay at the least convenient times! Having the self-knowledge you will gain through therapy will allow you to keep the self-sabotage at bay and feel confident about yourself.</p>
<p>Firelight–
While I hope I am wrong, please do not be surprised if you mother gets even nastier as the time comes for you to leave. She apparently only knows negative emotion, and as she feels the loss of your departure approaching, she may lash out. Don’t let her sabotage your launch, and best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Great advice here. Threads like this are what makes CC such a good place.</p>
<p>I agree with mathmom and many others- please proactively get the help of student counseling services.</p>
<p>The reason is simply that your scars will need time to heal and you will need help healing your scars while also coping with the stress of entering college.</p>
<p>UT84321 also makes an excellent point. Don’t be alarmed if things get worse as the day for your departure comes closer.</p>
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<p>Starting college, especially a rigourous one like MIT can be stressful. If you are having any issues or getting depressed, part of that can be stress from starting college but part of it could be “baggage” from your mother. If you keep getting a “you are not worth much” message from your mother, some of it starts to sink in. By proactively going to see a counselor when you start school, you can help combat the “tapes” you hear in your head from your mother about not being good enough.</p>
<p>So much great advice has already been offered…</p>
<p>You’ve already accomplished so much in spite of the difficulties at home. Just know that you will blossom out there (at MIT or wherever you decide to go)! We’re all rooting for you!</p>