<p>Note that there will likely be ‘pretty girls’ at any college he goes to unless he ends up at some all male college (if those still exist) in which case he’d probably have to go across the street or quad to find the girls at an associated college. I don’t think you’ll be successful in keeping him from girls no matter where he goes. You won’t be able to keep him from drinking or partying at any campus either if that’s what he really wants to do. You need to think about this from a realistic and practical perspective and make sure you don’t have your head in the sand on this.</p>
<p>btw - On using your D’s credentials on CC, did it occur to you that she can see everything you’re posting here and inform your S of your proposed sabotage? There’s a chance your S might know the moniker and see it directly.</p>
<p>To the OP…what makes you think Miami is the ONLY school your kiddo will party at? If he is inclined to party instead of study, he will find folks to party with at ANY college. </p>
<p>I think your idea is faulty (calling the college) but I also think your reason for wanting to do so is beyond ridiculous.</p>
<p>OP - I am an overly concerned, sometimes meddling mom myself. So I understand that your actions were likely done with best intentions for your son. But I agree with mommusic - spend a few dollars and SUBMIT THE BEST ACT SCORES today. </p>
<p>You still have every right to deny a college option down the road if you are paying the bill. (We had to do so. In our case fit was pretty good, but cost was too high w/o scholarship). But you’ll rest easier down the road knowing you didn’t sabotage the process along the way. Good luck</p>
<p>Whoo, hold your horses everyone. I didn’t call, I was simply asking if anyone ever did. My son hasn’t seen the school, hasn’t shown any interest in visiting it, hasn’t asked to interview or even request info. He was told by friends that this would be a cool school to tell people you went to and the football games are great and how much fun it is to study at the beach! If he had been thinking of this school, always wanted to study marine biology and did his homework regarding majors, I would be happy to let him apply and even go but he didn’t even bother to send his scores so I sent them. His next set of ACTs is due in a week so I don’t have another set to send. He will probably hear from his ED school before I get a chance to send his new scores-which could be worse. The reason I asked for all of your well meaning advice was to help me not pick up the phone, (which I heard loud and clear-thanks) I never really thought I could call them. If everyone posted that of course, so many parents call admissions and this happened all the time, I might of thought differently. Clearly, I am the only parent who thought of this option. I hope none of your children apply to schools for the wrong reasons. Hey, why not let a seventeen year-old boy make a $250,000 decision.</p>
<p>What’s the problem here? You’re the parent…set the parameters TODAY regarding how much you are willing to pay out of your pocket and then let the chips fall. You’re already gone over the boundary by not sending his best scores but then again, you should have given him the credit card and let him send his own scores so he’s abdicated in some regard. The entire process might just be ‘him’ seeing if he can get in. But if you start putting lines in the sand the whole thing might backfire and he’ll actually get in and go if you don’t put financial parameters in place. And honestly I agree that it’s not a bad school so maybe get on line so you have some perspective. Kids pick colleges for the wildest reasons and whether he sinks or swims in college is going to be more about him than necessarily where he goes.</p>
<p>Ok finch, thanks for clearing that up. No, I did not call and ask for a rejection. But I was very skeptical when my son decided to attend [big state u in warm climate with party reputation]. However, we allowed him to attend. Turns out that he did not party nearly as much as he expected to, didn’t love the climate or the atmosphere. He did, however, discover a major that he loved and would not have considered otherwise. He excelled academically and transferred sophomore year to a renowned program in his major at another university, where, as it happens, they party quite a bit as well. He will graduate in the spring with a job offer in his field and the satisfaction of having arrived where he is by his own path. I have become a fan of standing back and trusting the kid, and the universe.</p>
<p>It sounds like if you didn’t want him to go to Miami, all you had to do was tell him up front that he was completely responsible for 100% of the application process. If he “didn’t even bother to send his scores” the application would have been incomplete, rejected, and your wish granted.</p>
<p>Applying is not a $250,000 decision. Actual attendance is when you get into the six-figure expense. And when it gets to that point, you are certainly entitled to a say if it is your $250,000. </p>
<p>I don’t think anybody is saying you should let a 17 year old make this decision all on his own. The point is, be honest about it. You seem to want to let him THINK he’s making the decision on his own while you’re meddling behind the scenes. I find that appalling. How much influence a parent should exert on the decision is something that people will have differences of opinion about, but wherever you fall on that spectrum, for goodness sake be honest about it.</p>
<p>You also would have every right, IMO, to make your kid do things like send ACT scores on his own. If you’d done that, and he never bothered to do that, you would have this problem solved. </p>
<p>Of course, if he is disorganized enough not to get around to it for any schools, then you have a different type of problem. Again, I think this is an area where people will differ on parental involvement. If you want to make your kid do it, fine. If you will help with some of that logistical stuff, that’s fine too. Just be clear about what you’ll do, and whatever you end up doing, do it in an honest and aboveboard way.</p>
<p>You’re Italian? Why is your child applying to American universities- won’t you miss him when he is across the Atlantic? Your English is very impressive by the way!</p>
<p>By the way, if my mother had done what you describe, I would consider cutting her out of my life. But I don’t know how Italian society works.</p>
<p>Finch, I laughed when I read your post, but I understand your concern. My D currently attends a beach party school in California. Admission standards were high, so I thought the reputation must be overblown. I was wrong. The reputation of the school is somewhat of a self fulfilling prophesy, attracting smart but hard-partying kids (from all over the world) eager to live the Bohemian lifestyle. Actually it doesn’t even rise to the level of Bohemian, more like bacchanal. Girls roam the streets in bikinis, kids light mattresses on fire just for fun etc. D is happy with the rigor of classes, but I’m sad that she has found it hard to find the level of intellectualism among her peers that she could have found elsewhere.</p>
<p>As parents we have options that are acceptable…to me, anyway.</p>
<p>1-don’t pay for the app or test fees and leave the kid to do it all on his own if he really wants to apply. </p>
<p>2-if kid is accepted, say I will not pay for him to attend because I don’t like ____ about the school. </p>
<p>3-trust the kid to make the right decision.</p>
<p>Sneaking around and trying to undermine an application because I don’t have the guts to stand up to my own kid and say what i believe…not an option.</p>
<p>I’m in the ■■■■■ camp on this one too but the notion of parents and kids disagreeing on the right college choice is one that’s always worth discussing, IMO, no matter who started the topic.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for great advice. I will NOT even think of calling and looking like an idiot. Since the application is in, we will see where the chips fall. Haha, he may not even get in as Miami is a highly selective school. Im confused with all this ■■■■■ stuff. I didn’t think I needed to create an account for one question and I remembered my daughter had one from a few years ago. Thanks for that advice too, if I need to use this forum again, I will create a “parent” username. This has been so so helpful. Thank you parents.</p>
<p>I hope this is a ■■■■■.
If not, admission or rejection is not what’s at stake. It’s the entire relationship, doing this thing behind his back whether he finds out or not. It’s the dishonesty. How can he ever trust someone who does this?</p>
<p>He can see what ACT score you sent. All he has to do is log on to his account and there’s a record of it.</p>
<p>If you want to make it right, send in his highest score too ASAP. They’ll take the higher one.</p>
<p>I almost spit my hot tea out when OP said she was an Italian mom… kind of reminds me of a stunt that Marie Barone on 'EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND would pull. OP can’t be serious can she? Sounds kind of tv sitcomish to me! </p>
<p>Another question, is UMIAMI really $62,500/year? Really? Wow… for a state school? Or maybe I’m wrong, are they a private?</p>
<p>The ED application is to another school, this one was EA. Obviously, she’s worried that he won’t get into the ED school, but will get into Miami. The time to do something about this was when the ACT scores were sent. I would have waited for him to ask to send them. But I also would have had a conversation about appropriate schools - and given him the chance to sell me on Miami. If you’re truly unwilling to pay for Miami, be upfront about it, don’t expect someone else to do your dirty work for you. It’s OK to hope he doesn’t get in, not OK to meddle.</p>
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