<p>I didn't qualify for any scholarships and my family makes too much money for financial aid, so we're going to pay full tuition this fall for my college.</p>
<p>Is anyone else in my predicament? I mean, I'm signing up for a huge amount of scholarships, but there's NO guarantee that I'll "win" one, you know? So I'm looking at it as, "Basically, we ARE going to have to pay full tuition." Does anyone have the same outlook?</p>
<p>Me too. I've pretty much given up on anyone giving me college money.</p>
<p>That's what I did for four years of college...it sucks...but I was in that "parents make too much money" group...had to bite the bullet there.</p>
<p>Why would you say it sucks when your parents are able to pay for the full tuition?</p>
<p>probably because they can, but won't...all too common..</p>
<p>iam paying almost full tuition about 37k out of 45k and my parents dont even make half of the 37k i have to pay so iam definetly not in the "my parent make too much money" group but oh well i need lots of loans</p>
<p>Yeah, my family is paying full tuition at my 42k a year dream school. I felt pretty bad about it for a while (still kinda do), but my parents want me to go to this school just as much as I want to be there, so they are ok with this. I'm taking out an unsubsidized stafford loan on myself, doing work study, applying for tons of scholarships, working summers, etc, to cut down on costs, but in the end its still gonna be a ton of money for my by-no-means-rich parents.</p>
<p>oh and btw, any parent who refuses to pay or help pay for their child's college is purely evil. how people can do this is beyond me.</p>
<p>David,</p>
<p>I don't know if I would use a word as strong as evil, but as a parent, I agree wtih you that it seems terribly misguided. Can you share your parents' reasons for deciding not to help?</p>
<p>Yes evil is kind of strong, I just meant to exaggerate how horribly sad it is when parents choose to raise their kids to work hard and get good grades, then refuse to help them attend schools that their kids have dreamed about.</p>
<p>Also, Dizzymom, I think you misread my post... my parents are MORE than happy to pay full tuition to help me attend the school of my dreams. If you read my post again, you'll see that I said that me attending this school was as much a dream for them as it was for me! I'm lucky to have great, encouraging parents, but I feel horrible for the kids who don't.</p>
<p>David,</p>
<p>You're right -- I read it out of context with earlier posts.</p>
<p>I know one student whose parents refused to help her beyond paying for classes at the local city college. I don't know what their reasons were, but I think perhaps they thought that their actions would keep her close to them.</p>
<p>She did eventually go to college out-of-state. She racked up an obscene amount of debt and then returned home to work at entry level jobs. She's now married. I think she'll spend the rest of her life paying off her college debt and most likely will never use her education.</p>
<p>Very sad. She has no self-confidence, probably due to never receiving any support from her parents.</p>
<p>you can make all the assumptions and conclusions you want about someone else's parenting and their situation, but in the end of the day you don't know nearly enough about them to make that sort of judgement. not every shares the same ideals, work ethics, or morals as you might, you should be conscious of that.</p>
<p>bubblekid: true enough, but given the importance of higher education for economic and social success in our society, it's fair to make normative assessments of the value of an ideal-ethical-moral system that refuses to fund that education.</p>
<p>At the end of the day, if any parents value financial assets of any kind or potential more highly than educating their desiring, motivated child, I know enough to judge them. Any parent who is able to pay and does not has a system of ideals, work ethics, and morals that is highly suspect.</p>
<p>Neither of my parents graduated from college. They were jealous of those who had, yet they also ridiculed people who traded on "book learning" and a "fancy diploma". </p>
<p>It really stuck in their craw that they were expected to pay for my college education (this was in the days before student loans were popularized or perhaps even available) and for years afterwards I heard my father complain about the $28,000 loan he took out to send me to college.</p>
<p>For me, the experience was liberating both intellectually and in terms of being my ticket for escape from a small town where many people thought like my parents. The difference it made in my life would easily have been worth two or three times the cost, and that is now quite obvious to my father, who is embarrassed to be reminded of his grousing over the cost of my education.</p>
<p>I know that $28,000 was a lot of money for my parents. But I wish I didn't know that they thought so little of me and my hopes for my future that they would have chosen not to pay for my education if they hadn't been shamed into it by my teachers. </p>
<p>My H and I have a different pov. We believe that cheerfully taking on the financial responsibility so that our four children can attend the college of their choice is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. They will emerge with no debt, free to start their lives unencumbered. It seems to us one of the most practical and meaningful things parents can do for their children, IF they are able. And, of course, that IF can be affected by multiple factors.</p>
<p>A college education is an investment like any other. Like any investment you need to look at the $$ return vrs the cost. The money that parents spend on kids college is money that they are not saving for their own retirement. People are jeopoardising their retirement to pay for their kids college which is not doing them nor their kids any favors.</p>
<p>Spending $200K on college so someone can become a doctor or lawyer may be a good deal, spending that so someone can become a schoolteacher is not. Or spending an extra $150K so that someone can go to their dream school rather than the state one is also an indulgence, no different then buying your kid a ferrari or a beachfront apartment.</p>
<p>The tying of tuition to love of ones kids is truly disgusting.</p>
<p>Then there are also the issue of how hard the kid worked at school. If the kid didnt work that hard then I see nothing wrong in the parent asking the kid to prove them selves by doing their GEs in a CC before asking that the parent take a couple of hundred grand in loans from that expensive private.</p>
<p>Yes I do pay the full ride for my DD. But I make it clear that I may lose my job at any time and she may have to take the loans themselves. If the kid isnt willing to borrow the money themselves then why should the parent.</p>
<p>The case listed above illustrates that point. The parents wouldnt pay so the kid went to school and ran up the loans and then didnt use the education. The whole endeavor was a waste. Who isnt to say that the parents were not wise to not pay if they knew that the education wouldnt be used. Rather the consensus is that the parents were evil not to run themselves into financial ruin which proves that they didnt love their kids.</p>
<p>There are some kids where college is not a good investment. It is up to the kids to demonstrate that they are willing to work hard to achieve the goal and that the financial returns will cover the tuition.</p>
<p>TC</p>
<p>"A college education is an investment like any other."</p>
<p>Your logic eludes me from the beginning. Likening one's child to a mutual fund, to an equity, eludes me. Perhaps children should be judged like racehorses? Only the ones who meet certain criteria should be invested in by their parents? This reminds me of the old days when only boys were considered worthy of the expenditure of education, since, of course, girls were simply going to be wives and mothers.</p>
<p>The example above illustrates what happens when a child has no support, either financial or otherwise, from their parents.</p>
<p>My own parents didn't believe in me, but were encouraged by others who did to make an education possible for me. I could write that $28K check back to my father several times over any day of the week if I chose, having achieved far more than his thinking -- or yours-- would allow for. I have chosen instead to make it up to him in ways that would not directly embarrass him for his small-mindedness. But the greatest achievement of all was the education that showed me there were people of purpose and imagination who believed all things were possible out there -- people who would never view a child's education as being a poor investment.</p>
<p>It certainly does not have to be tied to love. But for many families, it is the ultimate expression of love, to give their children something they themselves may not have had, to sacrifice for their childrens' future. You may call it whatever you wish; for me it has been truly a labor of love.</p>
<p>
[quote]
But for many families, it is the ultimate expression of love
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Wow, that makes me feel really bad. I guess since we didn't flirt with financial ruin, we must not love our kids as much as those parents are wealthy or took our huge loans.</p>
<p>Of course, my above statement is ridiculous. But I notice this attitude very often on this board, and I believe that teaching financial responsibility can be an expression of love, too. I don't want my kids to be saddled with an oppressive amount of debt, nor do I want to raid our retirement savings and become a burden to our kids later on. </p>
<p>Just because we want to drive a Mercedes doesn't mean that a Ford can't get us there, too.</p>
<p>Dizzimom, I think you are confusing your child with their tuition bill.</p>
<p>Going to a particular school is just one part of a bigger picture. Formal education is only one part of the environment that they need to be sucessfull and it should not come at the expense of others. Their financial security includes their education, their life experiences, their level of debt and the level of debt and health of their parents.</p>
<p>The amount of money that one should spend on their education does have a practical limit. Just because I didnt buy my DD a brand new top of the line BMW in high school which is the safest car on the road doesnt mean I dont care about her health. Does the fact that someone else did mean that they love their kid more than me, even though they may be safer? I mean I could have gone into a dealer an leased an 100K benz which would have been safer than the reasonable ford that I gave her to drive. I would have been paying it off for eons. Am I evil because I chose money over her safety? Come on.</p>
<p>If you already have or on track to have 20-25 times your annual expenses saved away for retirement then you should feel free to spend whatever you want on their education. That way when you are unable to support yourself you will have the financial security not to be a burden to them - at a time when they are facing the expenses of their families. If not then your own retirement security should come before their tuition bill - ask any financial planner, or even Suzy Orman and they will agree.</p>
<p>TC</p>
<p>You have a very intresting story, Dizzymom, it's great that you were able to escape the close-mindedness of your parents and community.</p>
<p>This whole debate is really interesting to me, as a kid I obviously don't have quite as much financial insight as you adults do, but I tend to side with Dizzymom on this debate. The fact of the matter is, I know that my parents would gladly sell their house (a house they worked long and hard for) in order to send my sister and myself to good colleges. It's a great feeling to know that I am loved and supported so much. I'm not saying that parents should risk their financial security to send their child to an expen$ive private school when a more reasonable state school is an option, what baffles me is the parents who straight up refuse to support their kids through ANY schooling. hmm.</p>
<p>I agree with davidpien. What angers me the most is when parents have more than enough money to send their child to his/her dream college, but don't.</p>