<p>I posted an essay that I had wrote for the SAT a month or so ago, and I have just made another using a totally different strategy that was suggested to me. Here is my old essay:</p>
<p>I was wondering if you guys could critique my essay and give it a score out of 6 or out of 12. I'll take the average of what I get and apply that to my score. This essay was exactly 2 pages, ending on the last line. Could you also add what I did improve on or what I should have kept. Thanks. </p>
<p>Prompt:
Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the school or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government – rather than individuals – should always come up with the solutions to society’s ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.</p>
<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>
<p>Essay:
It is essential that people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities as without taking responsibility they must idly wait for change to occur. This change may never happen unless the people take the problem into their own hands. </p>
<p>This idea is exemplified by the work on Indian peace leader Mohandas Gandhi and his many followers. They saw what the British were doing in their land, and the Indian government was not prepared to confront them. Gandhi took the responsibility of solving the problem into this own hands and worked towards peacefully fighting the oppression that his people were facing. If he had never taken the responsibility into his own hands and instead relied on his government to do all of the work, Indian may not have seen the overwhelming patriotism and nationalism that helped to bring the county towards self-independence. </p>
<p>In the case of Gandhi, his government did not have the power or resources to solve the problem, but there cases in which the government is the problem. This is the case in George Orwell’s classic1984. Winston, the main character, lives in a dystopian society in which he is oppressed by his own government and must take responsibility of the oppression in his community into his own hands. By taking the responsibility into his own hands, he is able to accomplish what he never would have been able to if he had stayed passive. Because of his actions, he is able to have a relation with the girl of his dreams, something that would have been prohibited if he had not taken matters in his own hands. </p>
<p>By taking responsibility for solving problems, one can accomplish tasks much faster than if the government was to decide. Many instances have shown how long it can take for an idea to pass through governmental procedures, but if one individual were to take responsibility themselves, they could work toward expediting this process. This exact principle was seen in 2007 when many of the citizens of New Mexico wanted to ensure that their people would be able to become organ donors without their parents overruling their decision at their time of death. Charles Cord</p>