I pretty much have no friends in college. I go to a fairly large school 30,000+ and I have no real friends. I have friends back home, but they are all scattered around the U.S. so I don’t see them. I have some acquaintances here, but I’m not actually friends with anyone. I would say I’m somewhat of a shy person, but then again everyone kind of is. I did a bad job of meeting people on my floor so I’m not close to anyone on my floor. My roommate also dropped out of school, so sitting by myself only worsens my loneliness and isolation. Classes I have tried to meet people but they only talk to me in class, never out of it. I’ve tried reaching out to people but every time I try I either get rejected or when I hang out it just goes poorly. I don’t want this to be my next four years of my life and I am struggling with what I should do. I don’t want to be that guy that has no friends and no girlfriend when they graduate from college, I want to have memories that I can think of positively.
@CollegeKid019234 I’m sorry to hear things aren’t going so well. Do you have any extracurricular interests for which there are clubs you can join? Also, you can still try to hang out with people on your floor. Not having a roommate probably doesn’t help. Can you talk to your RA about things? Maybe see if you can be assigned a new roommate. Wishing you the best and that things get better!
As cliche as it may sound, your university probably has about 100 clubs. Start going to them until you meet people you gel with.
First, your experience is not unique. My son, who is a complete extrovert, has commented that it has been really hard to find “his group” during his freshman year and several of his high school friends have said the same. Look–you had 4 years at high school to bond, and you’ve only been at college a few months. The advice from Boxcar101 and MommaCat is spot on. Look for a club, a sport, an activity, a frat that interests you–you’ll already have something in common with the other kids, which is better than it being completely random with dorm assignments. All I can tell you is that you absolutely are in the majority of how most college freshman feel–so please don’t get discouraged.
The previous advice is excellent. I will also suggest what about getting a part time job? Even a few hours a week would give you a place to belong and possibly make some friendships. Also, look within the local community outside of the college campus. Is there a church you might like to attend? Often this could be a place to meet people who will become friends and offer you a little support while away from home (by no means a substitute to finding friends on campus. Just in addition to). What about finding something to volunteer at?
It can be difficult while you are feeling but but remember to smile, be friendly, and stay positive when you do interact with people. This will help you make connections with others.
Some things are within your control, and some things are not.
If you want to build positive memories of your college years, you need to focus on the things within your control.
Build a routine: Go to class, study, exercise daily, get an on-campus job, join a club & keep yourself busy.
Forget worrying about the friends you don’t have & focus on your one true friend–yourself. This will build self respect causing others to be attracted to you.
True friends are rare & true friendships take time to develop.
Stop worrying & start doing.
P.S. For a really memorable and positive college experience, try to graduate with high honors.
Social media has changed the college social landscape, particularly for freshmen. When kids can hang out in their rooms and Facetime with their high school friends, why make new ones? It used to be that we all had to take that big leap into new relationships together because the only way to stay in contact with friends was letters or expensive phone calls.
I think it takes tenacity now to establish friendships. To join the chorus of everyone else: join clubs, do things that interest you and keep trying to make connections. It’ll happen. You’ll find people. My oldest daughter had a lot of friendly acquaintances at college but found her “tribe” (the people she is still friends with 10 years later) her senior year. Next daughter sort of flitted from group to group her freshman year and then found her people when she moved into the engineering dorm as a sophomore. Daughter 3 met her closest friends spring of freshman year and then another very, very tight group of friends her junior year (the ones she’ll be friends with for life.)
Take your time, do YOU and it’ll happen. But, as my mother used to say “leave the porch light on” - meaning, be open and friendly. Say yes to any offers that aren’t illegal or immoral. Don’t shut down offers from others and enjoy yourself.
Please read this: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
There are many people who feel as you do, even in their second semester.
I have a good friend who hated his whole freshman year. He wanted a degree, so he stuck it out. When he can back as a sophomore, he realized it was up to him to make the most out of college, which he did from then on.
Join clubs, or volunteer, or get a campus job. Get involved with a campus religious group. Those are all good ways to meet people. I especially recommend a campus job, as you will have less time to focus on feeling lonely, you’ll earn money, and you’ll meet people. There is no need to sit in your room.
@CollegeKid019234 Hang in there. My S19 is feeling the same way right now. I reminded him that a dear friend of our, an '18, went through the same thing freshman yea, and sophomore year has been much better.
You got good advice above. Think of one outside-of-class activity you liked in high school. A sport, hiking, community service, even videogaming. At a school your size, there is bound to be a club for it. Join, even though it is scary. You will have something in common with club members and a basis to start a friendship.
Have you tried what is in this link? http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do.html