<p>I have a boyfriend who is a plebe this year at USNA and its really tough having to be over 2000 miles away from each other. What is a good way to deal with this and will it get any easier? Does it being the Dark Ages affect anything because I know he's been pretty moody lately. Thanks!</p>
<p>Get yourself a new life........he is in the Navy now and you should be moving on.</p>
<p>sounds kind of harsh, but so true. its only gonna get harder.</p>
<p>I guess it does sound harsh but people just don't wanna hear the best answer. I am sure plenty of people will tell you how true love will last but your Plebe is not gone to you for just 4 years.......there is a lot more and further away. Are you going to be military also? Probably not. Move on.</p>
<p>yea thanks you know that was a lot of help! haha no. i shouldn't have came here in the first place. by the way, i'm glad you don't have a girlfriend!</p>
<p>What would you rather hazmat told you:</p>
<p>"Its alright sweetie, it will all be okay and in the end you will get married under the swords someday at the Chapel."</p>
<p>Feel better?</p>
<p>From an old warhorse: Get rid of the distance or get rid of the relationship. Unfortunately, it sounds as if you can't get rid of the distance.</p>
<p>Navygirl88,
You probably already know that plebes/midshipmen have many demands on their time: classes, homework, labs, sports, briefings, duty, inspections, pro knowledge, etc. Therefore, they dont have a lot of time to devote to their relationships with parents, girlfriends/boyfriends, hometown friends, siblings, relatives. Its very challenging to maintain a long-distance relationship with a plebe. I wish I could be more optimistic, but thats just how it is. Be sure to focus on your goals too and take care of yourself. Good Luck.
usna09mom</p>
<p>"From an old warhorse: Get rid of the distance or get rid of the relationship. Unfortunately, it sounds as if you can't get rid of the distance." bill0510</p>
<p>you're probably right. Are you reading Dr. Phil??? (hey, your names rhyme and you're both Texans!)</p>
<p>Thanks! I know its hard for them with everything they have to go through. I know its hard to devote much time to me too. I understand that all, but its hard because it seems as if he isn't even trying. Like I'm trying to make it work, fitting time to talk to him or send him a little email. Its just I don't get anything in return. Maybe he's going through some rough times, but it hasn't been like this before. This is the second year doing this and I thought it might get a little easier. I'm making sure to focus on what I want to do. Don't worry about that, my future is really important to me. Thanks again.</p>
<p>No i wouldn't want him to say its all right sweetie. haha! i just want to see things from the guy's point of view to see whats going on. yea its not really helpful to be told just to drop a relationship right then and there.</p>
<p>Stop trying. If he wants it to work, he will find the time. Again, focus on your goals and get a good education. Ask for help if you need it from someone you trust.</p>
<p>He's gone to the Darkside.</p>
<p>Shame guys. No need to be nasty mean about a very legitimate concern to a young lady. Navygirl88, no one can really advise you as we don't know your relationship. As to what you probably need to do to help, well usna09mom is right and you're probably going to have to step back and just leave him be. He's probably under huge amounts of stress and you don't want to add to it by being clingy or bug him about why he's being moody. Maybe stop emailing for a while or if you do, keep what you write light hearted and don't push. Try not to be crushed with his attitude of lack there of towards you. Busy yourself with your own life and do eat alot of chocolate. It will help.</p>
<p>Thanks Jamzmom, yea I think that's the approach I'm going to take. Just let things happen and not be too pushy. Maybe an email to say hi and wish him a good day. I know they were busy with boards this weekend so he was really stressed. Usually if I busy myself it takes my mind of it, so yea. Thanks for your advice, and thank you for being kind it means a lot.</p>
<p>i'm shocked at all this negativity towards navygirl's question. the fact is that in my company, there are about 10 plebes who still have their girlfriends from back home-and are going strong. whether or not you think they have the time, they are making it. one put up a special chit and drove up to boston to surprise his girlfriend on her birthday, and he's on the supe's list so his performance hasn't been affected by his relationship. navygirl, respect the limitations on his time, but also realize you're probably the thing most on his mind. hmm, pro-knowledge or my girlfriend? a real conundrum.</p>
<p>There is a fine line between negativity and reality. </p>
<p>How many adults on this thread are married to their high school sweethearts? It happens; just not very much.</p>
<p>The question begs negativity. How can you expect a bunch of anonymous, bored people to realistically answer the question? We know nothing of the couple's circumstances, nothing of their relationship, basically, nothing that justifies any kind of positive answer.</p>
<p>Words of encouragement are as empty as the cyberspace in which they reside. At least words of "negativity" are based on some harsh realities. Buy a Dr. Phil book for $24 or I can tell you the same thing for free: You are young and there is a lot of time to look around. Hell, make the time to look around. If this relationship is meant to be, it will be. [I do know one couple that has been married twenty years and were high school sweethearts.] Otherwise, move on. Harsh? You bet. Life can be harsh. Relationships can be harsh. </p>
<p>I would give the same advice to my daughter. [Or, my son for those of you that believe me to be a misogynist, sexist, pig. I think those were the accusals earlier this year.] This all part of growing up. Your heart hurts. Your head spins. You want to be with each other. It may be love, it may be hormones. For a woman: Dreams of a gallant knight. For a man: Dreams of [well, we know what young men dream about.]</p>
<p>Navygirl88, without knowing it, you have stumbled across an interesting community: JM, the resident nice one, the one that will encourage you to the ends of the earth. [Are you Charleston, SC or in NC?] USNA09: practical, willing to listen to both sides. [And all too polite to correct in public; she does it most gently in private :)] Misc. other assorted posters such as Aspen, who provide the entertainment, and even the resident know-it-all, who will EVERY ONE of your questions even if you didn't know you had a question.</p>
<p>Me? A grouchy, drained-of-blood attorney, who keeps checking in here for who knows what reason. [if you all only knew the rest of the story.] I lag far behind the others in posting because only certain topics catch my attention. </p>
<p>I have had my heart broken and I have broken a few hearts. W44: I have also driven/flown across the country in pursuit of a certain somthin, somthin. At the end of the day, it didn't mean a thing. Young love is tough love. Its also about the best love you will have.</p>
<p>I celebrate 20-years of marraige next month. I didn't marry my high school sweetheart. If I was betting on your relationship, I would bet that you won't either.
Good luck.</p>
<p>Navygirl88: relationships are tough- no matter how old you get, no matter the distance- the one thing you can probably be sure of is that your Mid is not out galavanting with other girls- most likely he is spending his time just trying to survive- and while he may not write,call,e-mail, IM, etc, I have a funny feeling you are still on his radar screen.</p>
<p>At 17, you have so much of your life ahead of you- your own college expereinces, new friends, and even new heartthrobs. Sometimes you have to let things settle down- things have a way of declaring themselves. Keeping things light right now- no pressure- keep it friendly- if the lines of communicaiton are kept open, trust that he will use them when and if he can. Things might work out, but they might not- unfortunately being apart sets people on different paths- who knows if they will coverge again at come point, or if the tangent will continue to diverge- sometimes all you can hope for is a good friend in the end.</p>
<p>Right now you have to think about what works for you- if you are willing to hang in there with the way things are, or if this is just too disheartening. You have to decide what you can tolerate, and what you can't- especially if it gets to the point where one is doing all the giving and the other all the taking, or nothing at all. Sometimes just being a good friend is all you can do. </p>
<p>Good luck to you- and as I am sure your own mom has told you, just remember that ther are lots of other fish in the sea- some you will toss out, but lots of keepers too!</p>
<p>navygirl88,
wheelah's example illustrates the point I made earlier: if he wants your relationship to work, he will make the time because others do. I didn't want to hurt your feelings by pointing this out, though few of these relationships will survive until commissioning. You've heard about the 2 percent club? And this is probably true about many early relationships. Late teens and early twenties is a time of emotional growth and developing ones' identity. There is tremendous change between high school and the end of college/grad school. Perhaps this is happening in your relationship. Holding on tighter isn't going to prevent change, but it will affect your self-esteem. Jamzmom gave you some good advice about stepping back (she has two sons). Rejection is very painful, but be strong! Don't call, don't email, and let him get in touch with you. Being poised and self-confident is attractive; clinging and whining isn't. Again, be strong. Don't make excuses for him. If he wants this relationship to work, he will make time for you. If he's mature, he will be honest with you. If not, he has some growing up to do.
Okay, raise your right hand and repeat, "I promise not to call, write, or email midn***." Forget about eating chocolate to dull the pain. My advice is to put on your running shoes and run a mile or two, walk the dog, go to church or temple, spend time with your friends. Two books you might consider, Dr. Phil's book on relationships, and He's Just Not That Into You. Good Luck.</p>
<p>navygirl88,</p>
<p>This is a link to an organization for the girlfriends of West Point cadets. There may be a similar group for USNA. If not, you may find some good ideas here.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.usmagirlfriends.net/%5B/url%5D">http://www.usmagirlfriends.net/</a></p>
<p>Good luck to both you and your mid.</p>
<p>okay Bill, I publicly apologize for calling you a chauvinist (your wife added the pig comment) for stereotyping women...</p>