<p>Once again, I don’t want to retaliate and escalate this, that won’t solve the problem at all.</p>
<p>You sound waaaay too passive-agressive, and simply waaay too passive in general. I can tell simply by your posts.</p>
<p>Your roommate can’t even plug in some godd*mn headphones at 3 am?</p>
<p>Your mom threatens to pull tuition simply if you don’t want to live in the dorms? I mean dear god. Will she pull tuition if you don’t call her every day and major in biochemistry like she wants also? I hope you’re exaggerating and semi-bullsh!++ing on that one. I would call her bluff - and it’s definitely a bluff is she actually cares in what building you live.</p>
<p>And if she isn’t bluffing - which I doubt - I would get emancipated, subsequently get financial aid, and take out a few loans. You could tell your extended family and friends that Mom won’t pay for college because you refused to live in McGriddle Hall with Beavis and Butthead as roommates.</p>
<p>Also, let’s return to the even more pertinent issue, — your roommate can’t even plug in some godd*mn headphones at 3 am?</p>
<p>Personally, I would buy a Louisville slugger, and go apeshi+ on his computer monitor/ harddrive right there as he was in the middle of a game. Not even joking. I would then tell him to turn off the lights and not make another F’ing sound til daybreak or I’d have to test the structural integrity of his face.</p>
<p>I can’t believe you actually let this guy blast guns and bomb sounds at 3-5 am. That is completely unacceptable if true. Sometimes, you need to stand up for yourself kid. You need to know where the line is — the line between when you just have to grin and bear and tolerate another human being and when behavior is just indecent. What would you do if this guy was unzipping his fly and peeing on your bed in the morning? Come on this forum meekly and tell us you don’t like confrontation or you don’t want to escalate things?</p>
<p>Talk to an adult - your RA sounds like he has poo for brains.</p>
<p>"And if she isn’t bluffing - which I doubt - I would get emancipated, subsequently get financial aid, and take out a few loans. "</p>
<p>This is NOT possible. You cannot under any circumstances be considered an independent for financial aid unless you are 24, married, have a dependent, are a vet, etc and so forth. Even if you are living on your own and completely self supporting and your parents aren’t claiming you as a dependent, you are NOT an independent for FAFSA.</p>
<p>
The cord… CROSSES HIS KEYBOARD? Dude… DUDE… Give me a break… If he can’t figure out a way around that, he’s NOT TRYING. What kind of lamer is he anyway, not even talking to people with a headset?</p>
<p>I think being put into a situation with someone like that is NOT a productive “social environment” that would help any kind of mental disorder. Your roommate sounds more socially withdrawn than you!</p>
<p>You are being WAY too nice. Go to the Dean of Students and tell him/her that your RM is watching porn and it makes you so upset that you think it is an issue of SEXUAL HARRASSMENT, and since no one will take you seriously, you are thinking of filing charges. Or, just tell your RM that is what you are going to do, UNLESS THIS STOPS IMMEDIATELY.</p>
<p>The parents might be of more help to you; perhaps you should have posted this on the parents board instead.</p>
<p>Honestly, if the RA isn’t doing anything then talk to the Resident Director of the dorm. You share a room; you are entitled to be able to get sleep. Him being awake that early is ridiculous anyway.</p>
<p>Peter: I wanted to begin this by saying that I understand you’re posting what you think is best, but after rereading your post, I don’t think I can do so. Threatening to break ties with a parent if they don’t meet your demands is the poorly reasoned action of a petulant child. Further, going “ape****” on his computer with a baseball bat would ONLY garner a negative result for me. I would certainly need to replace his hardware, and depending on my university’s policy in this matter (I honestly don’t know it) I could likely face expulsion.</p>
<p>Gotakun: I don’t really know what to say about it. I don’t even know for certain if that’s why, I just know that when I was diagnosed when I was 15, my mom was told that she should prevent me from withdrawing socially. I can see her reasoning that a dorm would prevent this, but she hasn’t explicitly stated that that’s the case. </p>
<p>2bizee: Officially university policy is that if you’re old enough to do it, you’re old enough to do it in the dorms. You can look at porn at age 18 (assuming no minors are present,) can drink at 21 (provided you don’t provide to minors) and so forth. Smoking is the exception, for obvious reasons. I’d be surprised though if they haven’t had problems with that sort of thing before. </p>
<p>bluealien01: Thank you for the suggestion, I’ll cross post it.</p>
<p>This is really a matter of communication. It really shouldn’t be so hard to tell this guy what you want, but it seems you’re making it out to be.</p>
<p>Your RA ought to be doing more as well. It doesn’t matter if your roommate is not technically breaking any rules. RA’s are mediators as well as “enforcers.” You should let him know that you have problems with your roommate and it is his job to make sure that those problems are resolved. And it’s not like this is some complex, unsolvable issue either. Nothing this trivial should be so much of a burden. Ask your RA to step in and mediate, and if he won’t do it, someone on campus will.</p>
<p>And no, this shouldn’t strain relations with your roommate. He should understand that this is your room just as much as it is his. Any rational person ought to be able to see where you’re coming from. I see a lack of communication as the problem here.</p>
<p>I think you might need to sit down with him and explain yourself. If he refuses to listen, then keep going to the RA and RD. KEEP DOING IT. Tell them that you are sick of it and you will keep doing this for as long as they leave the problem unresolved. After all, what do you have to lose at this point?</p>
<p>so you’re saying if he fondles you in your sleep it’s okay? i mean you’re both over 18 so it’s not strictly illegal. people are giving you solutions and you’re shooting each one down because it’s too aggressive. you have to see that you came to the forums to find a solution and when you shoot down each possible solution that’s presented you, you’re only harming yourself. we’re not losing sleep over your problem; you are. so my suggestion is to wake the f**k up and take a stance rather than play this “o i dont want to escalate this problem” card cause do you think your roommate is effected by you passiveness?</p>
<p>Rape/molestation are legal if you’re over 18? Cool example bro. </p>
<p>There’s a line that I obviously cannot cross in resolving the problem, and I’d say doing things like taking a bat to his computer, downloading viruses, and filing frivolous criminal charges against someone crosses it.</p>
<p>To add to what tr1p7s, exactly how much more could this problem escalate? Obviously you’re not going to go destroying his stuff or anything that could get you expelled, arrested, or harmed. But it has already driven you to the point where you can’t get enough sleep to do well in school. He’s already ruining your GPA and essentially putting to waste the money your parents are spending on your education. Yes, he could try to attack your social life if he thinks your actions are completely unjustified (something I doubt considering you’ve let him know that he’s keeping you up), but at this point that is secondary to the concern of maintaining a good GPA.</p>
<p>I don’t think that retaliation should be your first option. Be persistent with the RA and resident director. Keep telling them that you risk failing classes if this continues and ask them to mediate a discussion between you and your roommate. Threaten your roommate by telling him that you’ll turn him in for downloading porn through the school’s servers; even if that isn’t the case, he might not know better. Tell him that you’re going to fail out because of him. Yell at him when he wakes you up; get angry. Be persistent with your parents in trying to get out of the dorms.</p>
<p>But if all else fails, wake him up a few times when he’s sleeping by watching TV or something like that. You may not want to make things worse, but they can’t get much worse than they are. Your roommate is being extreme with his disregard for your sleep and studies and his unwillingness to change, so you need to be extreme in your attempts to solve the problem.</p>
<p>rape and molestation are both illegal. but you have to report it otherwise what punishment will be handed down? he’s watching porn and playing games when you’re trying to sleep and you’re not doing jack **** about it. you’re just letting him have his way with you. until you step up to the plate and get some **** done you’ll be suffering for the rest of the year cause by your post, your RA AND your RD arent going to do **** about it and neither are you.</p>
<p>here’s a suggestion if you’re going to be a pu$$y about it. take some womens self defense class. maybe that’ll teach you how to stand up for yourself.</p>
<p>get the **** out while you can</p>
<p>I’d add on to what many other people have said, be very persistent with your RA and RD. The one thing I’m sure they don’t want is to be told you’re going to make this bigger than what it is by talking to higher people if they cannot help you with the situation. I understand why you wouldn’t want to do anything in retaliation because it might escalate into bigger issues but at the same time do you think he even CARES about how you’re feeling right now? Definitely not! If you can’t stand up for yourself than no one else is going to, period. If he can’t respect you then you shouldn’t take the time to do the same. And that doesnt mean hurting him or messing with his personal belongings. But if he can’t respect that you aren’t able to sleep and your grades are dropping as a result then I say you make it just as hard to sleep for him as he’s doing for you. If you aren’t willing to take anyone’s advice in trying to solve your problem then it probably isn’t that much of a problem to you anyway.</p>
<p>It might help to keep careful documentation of the problem. Keep track of how much sleep you get each night and how long your roommate keeps you awake. With that information in hand, work yourself up the chain of command at your university. If your RA or RD won’t do anything, then you have a right as a paying student to elevate your concerns to whoever supervises them, be it a dean or the president of the institution.</p>
<p>Like other people said, there must be something missing with your story about your mom. Living in a dorm is part of the “essential college experience,” but being in an environment that’s conducive to learning and getting good grades is not?</p>
<p>So there is either a missing part of the story, or your mom is a totally irrational person.</p>
<p>Interesting thread…but I must say, I agree with tr1p - he’s pretty much saying what I would say except in crasser terms. Look, everyone’s trying to come up with suggestions but if all you do is say “I can’t do that, I can’t do that…etc etc.” we can’t help you and you’re left with your own resources. You have to be smart about this sitatution and if being Mr. Nice Guy isn’t getting you anywhere, then shouldn’t your smart brain tell you to try another approach? Or is that 3.7 GPA brain only good for academics?</p>
<p>I agree that you shouldn’t use a bat and demolish his computer and obviously the people putting up those suggestions are just exaggerating and probably fantasizing on doing that since they feel your frustration but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try other things like making sleep just as hard for him. Keeping your alarm clock ringing for a whole minute or longer (or buying louder more ear piercing alarm clocks and putting it as near him as possible)…you know…all the small stuff that won’t necessarily get you in trouble but can **** him off…(another example: keeping the room a mess…I don’t see what could be so wrong about giving him a virus secretly…since no one would ever know)…and then in the meantime, keep asking those in charge of this room transferring to get you to a new room.</p>
<p>Basically, right now, you’re left with two choices, either wasting your money for this whole semester or quarter or whatever and getting terrible grades (for which you can always address to in your college essays maybe or just retake the courses) or take the risk and start playing fire with fire…sure you might get burned but pick your priority and think about which one you want to get burned more…your money or yourself from the “escalation” you speak of?</p>
<p>Start a fight and beat the ***** out of him and let him complain to the RA about you. I’m sure the RA will eventually do something about it.</p>
<p>grow some god damned balls</p>
<p>First off, consistently talk to your RA and RD about it. Every god damn day. If you really wanna be annoying, show up at the same time each day. Show them that you’re not going to take no for an answer</p>
<p>Secondly, tell your mother that if she doesn’t want you to “socially withdraw” then she should let you be able to get good grades. If you don’t get good grades (especially if you feel helpless about it) then you’ll get depressed, and if you’re depressed then you won’t “blossom” socially (throw in buzz-words like that, your mom sounds like the type who would give their kid anthrax if the doctor said it’d make him more social/able to focus in class. No offense.)</p>
<p>Third, start low-key retaliation. Make a LOT of noise when you’re going to class in the morning. Mess with the power cable for his computer so that it doesn’t work. As a last resort, buy an electric bass or a drum set (doubt it’d fit though) and practice at noon. I’m guessing your roommate will still be asleep then, but other people won’t complain because it’s a normal hour to be doing something like playing the bass or drums. If he complains, tell him that you’ll stop if he stops.</p>