<p>I live in a two bedroom apartment on-campus with three other people. I came back from break to find my roommate's boyfriend asleep in her bed. He stays sometimes, but he just doesn't seem like he is going to leave now. It's been three nights now and I'm really tired of having him around. He takes up space, isn't courteous to me, and acts like he lives here. He watches tv all night and has even thrown a full size inflatable mattress in our small living room. He has rarely wears clothing. My dad came by and saw him in a tshirt and boxers, so I'm also getting pressured by him to get this guy out of my apartment.
The problem is I don't know how to get him out. My plan is today to say to my roommate "He's leaving today, right?" because I'm past the point of wanting to be really polite. My RA has hours today so I might stop by there and ask for her help but I don't want to without talking to my roommate first (even though she gave me no warning to him coming down).
The reason that he stays over is because he lives like three hours away. But I don't see that as my problem. He's down here so much he should just move and get an apartment of his own.
Any help with getting out of this situation would be great. I'd love any suggestions of what to say to my roommmate. We are close when the bf isn't here. We've hardly talked since he came here.</p>
<p>Your roommate and her boyfriend are being very rude. </p>
<p>Talk to your other roommates, and then the 2 of you need to directly tell your roommate that you all agreed to live in an apartment with 4 people, not 5. Set rules about what's allowed for guest sleepovers including what kind of attire is allowed.</p>
<p>Hints and saying things like, "He's leaving today, right?" don't work in situations like this. You need to be direct, and you need to have allies. Love has blinded your roommate to common courtesy, but that doesn't mean you need to be a doormat.</p>
<p>If she and her boyfriend want to be together all of the time, they need to get their own apartment -- while keeping their financial obligations to their current roommates.</p>
<p>If you don't speak up, your roommate will continue walking all over you.</p>
<p>Seriously, thank you so much for responding. I'm so stressed about classes starting up and not knowing what's going on here and a couple of other private things and it was just to much :) One of my other roommates and i have talked about the situation and agree that its really unacceptable (the other hasn't come back from break yet).
Okay, I just asked when he was leaving and she was like "well, tomorrow but he can leave today." I just said it's really uncomfortable and now they both left the apartment. So I probably haven't heard the end of it but if he is out by tonight and that mattress is deflated then it is well worth it.
Thanks again :)</p>
<p>If this is happening in an on-campus apartment - is it considered to be college housing?? If so - I am sure that there are rules somewhere that state overnight guests must be agreed on by all roomies - or something to that effect. You may want to make a copy of that available to the roomie - so that she 'knows' what is expected - and thus the pressure can be taken off of you regarding putting up a 'hissy' - which you aren't - but the roomie/b'f may think so. </p>
<p>If this is private non-college housing - then the rules become established by the roomies themselves.</p>
<p>If it is an overnite guest situation - they should not be landing in the middle of the apartment - on the floor - but in the room of the invitee - so as not to be intruding on every one else. The roomie in question needs to figure out what is acceptable and what is not - and show some consideration to all of the roomies involved. 4 roomies - in a 2 bedroom - really have to figure out what the rules between you all are going to be. It is ok to have house-guests - but not if it puts others out - or makes them uncomfortable - like make sure guests keep their clothes on :)</p>
<p>Hmm... well, for my dorm we have a rule (an RA-enforced rule) that a guest can only stay seven nights a semester. You might have something similar?</p>
<p>There is no time like the present to discuss rules with your dormmates regarding this sort of stuff.</p>
<p>It is college housing, but we are generally slack on the rules because it is an apartment and not contained like a dorm building. A guest can only stay three consecutive nights, but this is more like a guideline than a rule. Technically they are suppose to have a slip all the roommates sign but no one follows that. It's in the handbook, but we don't have security guards or separate front desks for each apartment building. </p>
<p>JeepMOM- I understand the reasoning of the bf staying his girlfriend's room, but I share a room with her. I'm super uncomfortable with him sleeping in the same room as me. I actually appreciate him sleeping in the common area, but not until noon for three days in a row and lounging around there in his boxers all afternoon [/rant :) ]</p>
<p>He packed up all his stuff and left the apartment with my roomie. I haven't heard anything since. Thanks everyone for your help. I really appreciate it.</p>
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JeepMOM- I understand the reasoning of the bf staying his girlfriend's room, but I share a room with her. I'm super uncomfortable with him sleeping in the same room as me. I actually appreciate him sleeping in the common area, but not until noon for three days in a row and lounging around there in his boxers all afternoon [/rant ]
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<p>INDIEICE - I completely understand your situation - and agree with the above - and you should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own 'home' - (if the guy shows up again - just tell him to keep 'all' his clothes on when the roomies are around :) - or - he can find another piece of floor. And I sure would not tippy-toe around him when he is around either.</p>
<p>Sounds like you may have gotten your point across to your roomie also :)</p>
<p>Don't be afraid of coming across as rude in these situations. Your asking for things that you are ENTITLED to, after all.</p>
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So I probably haven't heard the end of it but if he is out by tonight and that mattress is deflated then it is well worth it.
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It may not feel like it now, but I think this has been (and will continue to be) a great learning experience for you. You've got some practice in being assertive and standing up for your rights. I wouldn't be surprised if your roommate is not that assertive and BF just showed up with the intention of staying, when she raised some concerns he said "well indiece hasn't said anything, has she? She doesn't mind." So as soon as you said something, boom, he's gone.</p>
<p>However now is not the time to drop the ball. At many schools the kids in school-owned housing draw up a contract at the start of the year covering issues likely to raise problems such as sleepovers. My surmise is your school doesn't do that. My suggestion now is when BF is gone the 4 of you sit down and come up with some agreements on sleepovers for the future. Such as how often, where, and what clothing is worn. One of the functions of an RA is to be a resource in handling conflicts. Not to participate in the talk or take sides, but to help you learn how to have a constructive discussion about matters like this. Or if you are uncomfortable talking to the RA then you can meet with a counselor at your school to go over it. A lot of the learning in college happens outside the classroom, and dealing with conflict and people who want to walk over you is a skill I can assure you will pay dividends for years to come!</p>
<p>It sounds like you got him to leave, so my advice won't help. You really need to set some strict rules (like say bf can't stay in your shared room when your there, no staying in the common room, and make sure its ok with EVERYONE before someone stays over) It really sounds like neither her nor her bf are very considerate. If it's a problem with her than maybe you & your roomates need to tell her to find somewhere else to live, contribute more to rent, or set the rules. </p>
<p>I understand how it can be really tricky because you want to be happy/confortable, but at the same time you don't want your friendship to end. If she's going to quit being your friend over something so simple as this, then she probably isn't too good of a friend.</p>