Having longterm bf come to visit

<p>Hopefully your roommate is very social and goes out a lot. Situations like this never turn out well (as in you prolly won't be friends with your roommate after your freshman year).</p>

<p>Do it in the bathroom, the common area, on top of the stove, etc. Be creative without being selfish.</p>

<p>Once or twice a month is one thing, but every week is a little excessive. Why don't you alternate weekends going back home or something since you're only an hour and a half away?</p>

<p>excuse me citygirl's mom but you really didn't read my posts at all. i have stated several times that i have no desire to push my roommate out and honestly would be more than happy to give her her share of private time as well. i have no desire for her to sleep on the couch- if she were uncomfortable with him being in the room i would sooner have bf sleep on the couch. i was thinking of having bf purchase an aerobed so he could sleep wherever.</p>

<p>twpanon, i do live close to my college and plan on coming home for important events, eg my cousin's christening. however the place i'm going is more of a "residential community" as the brochure has it than "suitcase school" as they say and there's lots to do on campus all the time. i plan on joining some im sports and the debate team as well as having a job on campus so besides wanting to enjoy my newfound freedom as much as possible i figure i'll be too busy to go home often. i think they'll be plenty of wknds i will be too busy for my bf altogether or traveling with the debate team to competitions. and my parents will invite themselves up my way a lot- they're already planning a trip along with cousins, aunts, uncles to come see one of the colleges exhibits. it's not that i don't love my family, i'm just eager to really be a part of campus life and try to make college the center of most of my activities. </p>

<p>fyi my bf is in a microsoft certification program right now and when he's not doing that he's working full time more or less as a de facto network administrator. i can't have a car yet so he's gotta come see me- there are buses (which i haven't gotten a chance to look into) but no trains close to campus. basically i plan on seeing him when i get the chance and it's possible for both of us- so planning for every week but not in reality expecting that- he has his black belt competitions and family events too.</p>

<p>thanks, urichmond, somebodynew, and chuy- your advice is rele appreciated.</p>

<p>I did read your posts, and that is how you came across, and maybe if that is what I saw in a post, then maybe you will be more aware of that when you talk to your roommate</p>

<p>my Ds roommate has a boyfriend, whom she said would also visit, but it wouldn't be once a week, and my D wouldn't be expected to adjust stuff for the BF, of course D will work with roommate, but roommate does not expect D to just up and leave whenever BF shows up</p>

<p>reread your first post, passionflower8 and you will see what I saw...can't help it if I interpretted what you wanted in a way you say isn't what you meant, but that is how I saw it</p>

<p>and I am not alone in my opinions either, I just don't agree with what you seem to expect from your roommate</p>

<p>good luck because if you come into a roommate situation feeling entitled, it just ain't gonna work</p>

<p>my nephew had a roommate with a GF who visited like your BF is going to, it created lots of tension, as the couple expected to be alone alot, though that is not what roommate first described to nephew...needless to say it was not pleasant</p>

<p>Did anyone suggest threesomes?</p>

<p>It could solve all problems so long as your roomate doesn't start seeing your boyfriend behind your back.</p>

<p>citygirl's mom- i am not expecting roommate to "up and leave" whenever bf shows up. i am not asking her to not sleep in our room, or to leave when it's inconvenient. however i just wanted advice on how to delicately deal with the subject of wanting some privacy maybe 4 days out of 31. you may have gotten a bad impression from your experience of a girl with bf. please don't project that onto me.<br>
btw, as far as feeling entitled, i think that sometimes roommates should be able to have the room to themselves if they have an occasion or important need for it. so if my rm is very modest, i'll be happy to get out of the room when she's getting dressed or w/e as long as it doesn't take an hour every nite. or if she, like my sis, wants to be alone when putting her contacts in, i'll get out. or if she wants to have a guy over, i'll get out- i'd hope she'd be considerate enough to tell me ahead of time if that was possible so i could get stuff together to stay with a friend or in the lounge, w/e works.
i rele wouldn't be posting and asking for advice on how to handle it if i didn't care about her feelings, comfort, and convenience or if i felt "entitled" to have the room frequently as you seemed to have supposed.</p>

<p>Wait, do you have a suite? As in, is there a common room shared by a couple smaller rooms? That changes everything a lot. For guys anyway.</p>

<p>not a suite but i know there's a lounge in the dorm.</p>

<p>Do it in the cupboard!</p>

<p>Do it in the shower!</p>

<p>Do it in a dumpster!</p>

<p>Do it on a rooftop!</p>

<p>Do it under your bed!</p>

<p>Do it in a bathroom stall!</p>

<p>Do it in the library!</p>

<p>Just remember whatever you do, don't make it inconvenient for other people.</p>

<p>Eh, that won't work. You might get lucky and have a roommate that goes home every weekend like my girlfriend did last semester. I'd see how things are shaping up before turning it into an issue.</p>

<p>sounds good to me lol</p>

<p>4 days out of 31 seems alot to me actually. 4 days out of a semester, perhaps. 4 days out of the yr. I dunno, your roommate pays for half the room, why should she leave for you? If you are expecting her to leave for you, then you should expect the same from her. It's going to **** you off when you are just super tired and wanting to sleep in your own bed, and then to realize you can't enter your own room (or even having a guest in the room, staying over night)</p>

<p>would you want to sleep in the common room/ lounge? 4 days out of a month? that's like 4 days out of 5 weekdays. I would wait and see how your schedules work out, and then bring up the issue like somebody else said. Will your roommate go home every weekened? will your roommate be partying all weekend? see how it plays out</p>

<p>
[quote]
Do it in his car, you selfish *****.

[/quote]

LOL LOL amen.</p>

<p>wow-uyu totally didn't read any of the supplemental posts since the first. and i've stated various times i don't think it necessary to have the room to myself overnite, just looking for a few hours. and i'm not asking her to leave- just looking for ways to try and coordinate activities when she'd normally be out. and i'm not asking for anything i wouldn't do for her.</p>

<p>and roomate will not be going home much- she lives far away.</p>

<p>am i really a selfish ***** for asking for a few hours (not even the nite) on the weekend- knowing that in reality our schedules will prolly be too busy for him to come every weekend. i'm not asking her to leave the seond bf shows up, or to not sleep in her own bed. i wouldn't be concerned for her feelings or asking for advice if i were a selfish *****.</p>

<p>What are you going to do if your roommate is uncomfortable having your boyfriend (or any man that is a stranger to her) sleeping over in your room at all? In my opinion, that wouldn't be terribly unreasonable.</p>

<p>have him sleep somewhere else, ie lounge or if i get a male friend who wouldn't mind the company, then with him</p>

<p>let me see, why don't all the students just invite whomever they meet to sleep in a common lounge with girls coming and going that don't know him at all, just that he is friends with one girl there, he doesn't even go to the school or anything, yeah, that's a plan</p>

<p>btw how old is this guy anyway</p>

<p>would you want to go into the common lounge and see some strange guy you don't know crashing there? yeah, that would feel real comfortable</p>

<p>you know, some people use that lounge to study and talk in and to have somene who doesn't even go to the school take it over is just rude</p>

<p>and again, if you aren't doing anything, can't you walk around, sit under s tree, and make out, or do you need to have total privacy to chat</p>

<p>citygirlsmom, I think you misinterpreted the "not doing anything" part. I think she meant she wouldn't be doing anything with him at night while sleeping together, but she would like to have "private time" to do things at some point during the day when the roomie isn't around.</p>