<p>citygirlsmom, it's painfully obvious they want to have sex in her dormroom, which I think is pretty rude, but yeah, just to clear that up with you....lol.</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom - no offense, but go back to the parent's forum. Your acting as if this was your own daughter, or daughter's roomate. If you need to micromanage someone else's life, focus on your own child. "How old is this guy anyway?" - Such a parent remark. Are you going to start telling her that he's to old for her? You have never met this couple! You have no idea their morals or values or how well they fit together. </p>
<p>And what's all this about people in the dorm being uncomfortable finding a guy they don't know sleeping in the common room. It's not like he's some homeless bum off the street that just wandered in. He may not go to the school, but his girlfriend does. If they saw him in the common room & asked who he was, he'd just say "I'm ___'s boyfriend", then they'd be like "Oh, ok". After the first couple times, they'd just recognize him. Plus, she said she would make her boyfriend sleep on the couch before she made her roomie sleep on the couch - but she also said she wants her boyfriend to get an aerobed - which means he won't be on the couch anyway, he'll most likely be on the floor of their room.</p>
<p>I've read all the posts, and after the first page of posts it seems like people are just attacking this girl for wanting time with her boyfriend. She didn't know how to bring up the topic with her roomie, but the rational people on this board gave her ideas on how to approach the topic reasonably. For instance, I suggested that she let her roomie make the rules - like him sleeping on the floor. Additionally, her "private time" will be when her roomie is out of the room on her own free will. This girl has no intention of inconveniencing her roomie by forcing her to leave or making her uncomfortable while in the room. </p>
<p>There are some things that can be done during private time alone in a room that should not be done in public under a tree. Yes, people have sex in college when they are in serious relationships. She wants some private time to be with her boyfriend when her roomie is NOT in the room (i.e. when she goes to class). She will not fool around with her boyfriend while her roomie is in the room. All they need to do is work out a system like knock before entering and wait a minute for the all clear signal so they can stop what they are doing & straighten up.</p>
<p>I don't really understand how wanting to have sex in your dorm room or having privacy (every once in a while - not locking your roommate out, or expecting them to sleep elsewhere, but having 45 minutes to yourself) is that unreasonable. Especially because if you only need an hour or 45 minutes, you can easily work that around your roommate's schedule (when they go to the library, if they have a job on campus, while they're eating in the dining hall), without ever really needing to ask them to leave. There are plenty of times when they won't be in the room in the first place. I don't think I knew of a single person who hasn't, at one time or another, compromised or done something to be accommodating to their roommate. It is very common for college aged kids to "hook up", whether that means vaginal intercourse or other sexual activities, and the #1 location is probably in their dorm room. It's also common to have overnight visitors (whether they be a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a friend from back home, or a younger sibling interested in getting a "feel for college", or hosting a prospective student). In almost every rooming situation, there comes a time when your roommate might be slightly inconvenienced by your lifestyle, and you should expect to be slightly inconvenienced by theirs. It's the nature of having a roommate. As long as both parties are courteous, try to minimize any inconvenience, give advanced warning and are sensitive to their roomie's feelings, I don't see the problem.</p>
<p>I think many of the posters on this thread are entering into rooming situations without any intention of compromising - yes, you're paying good money to stay in the room, but so is your roommate. Pick your battles wisely.</p>
<p>Picking your battles wisely is very important. For me personally, the only thing that would ever make me angry with my roommate is having overnight guests. I am very acommodating about all other aspects of living together, but that really irks me for some reason. I just find it rude to invite another person to sleep in a room that's already too small for two people.</p>
<p>ask her if she likes 3somes</p>
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wow-uyu totally didn't read any of the supplemental posts since the first. and i've stated various times i don't think it necessary to have the room to myself overnite, just looking for a few hours. and i'm not asking her to leave- just looking for ways to try and coordinate activities when she'd normally be out. and i'm not asking for anything i wouldn't do for her.
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<p>I actually did, I just don't know what you are exactly expecting. You are apparently thinking your roommate won't be affect much by this, so why ask this in the first place? I don't know I'm a little bit confused. And somebody else stated 4 days out of 31 days (wasn't that you???) which I find too much. Personally i could compromise with everything except having guest over too often unless i know them too (because being with people i don't know overnight leads to awkward silences for me) its like room is where i can calm down and rest, you know?? (mostly because I'm the kinda person who likes to be left the hell alone but.. your roommate might be really out going who knows)</p>
<p>Anyways if you are still on about asking your roommate this... hmm rather than asking her later it might work better if you asked her outright (although if you ask later you'll have the benefit of knowing her schedule) so she wouldn't be surprised later on. I don't know how i would say it, i mean any way you put it she'll probably interpret it the same way. good luck to both of ya.</p>
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let me see, why don't all the students just invite whomever they meet to sleep in a common lounge with girls coming and going that don't know him at all, just that he is friends with one girl there, he doesn't even go to the school or anything, yeah, that's a plan</p>
<p>btw how old is this guy anyway</p>
<p>would you want to go into the common lounge and see some strange guy you don't know crashing there? yeah, that would feel real comfortable</p>
<p>you know, some people use that lounge to study and talk in and to have somene who doesn't even go to the school take it over is just rude
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<p>I mean, that's what happened on my floor more than a few times. ::shrug:: Nobody minded. We were used to having people on our floor who didn't live there. Then again, our lounge was more a social lounge than a study lounge. (Except near midterms/finals. Honors dorm, go figure.)</p>
<p>Wow, I agree with Pearlinthemist... I feel like anytime relationships are brought up on this board, posters jump at the opportunity to throw in their negative comments without even considering the person's situation. </p>
<p>I think a couple hours of privacy are fine, as long as they are made to work around the other roommate's schedule. Fooling around at night I would consider inappropriate, but the poster mentioned she had no intention of doing this. Guests come over all the time in college, whether in be old HS friends visiting, college friends, or bf/gfs. It's not fair to attack this girl with such piercing words and accusations. It's hard enough being away from someone you care about, not to mind having people who don't even know you place labels on you. </p>
<p>I say so what if you don't agree with the girl having a BF, she's asking for your advice on how to compromise with her roommate, not what you think of her relationship status.</p>
<p>As far as advice, I say gently let her know you have a BF and that it's hard for you to bring it up but that you feel you need to talk to her about it. Let her say what she thinks about that kind of thing first before asking her about sleeping arrangements and privacy time. Communication is key, in any relationship whether it be family, friends, or loved ones. Good Luck!</p>
<p>k, I am sorry that I don't like the idea of men that don't even go to the school crashing in the lounge,,,that has danger written all over it</p>
<p>what if some girl picks up a guy she barely knows and there he is drunk in a common area of a girls dorm...nice, it is amazing...sooner or later someone will get attacked, and then we will see who cares who has access to your floor</p>
<p>I am not negative on the relationship for heavens sake, jsut the expections of how a roommate is supposed to "give them their space" when they are paying </p>
<p>get a hotel room already</p>
<p>Freshman year, my roommate and I both had boyfriends, and we would just call or text each other to see if the other one was in the room, and when they'd be back. We'd just schedule our "private time" around when the other one was at work or in the library, etc. It's really not a huge deal to try to work around the roommate's schedule, since most college kids are super-busy. I am practically never in my room except to sleep, anyways. </p>
<p>As for sleeping arrangements, I know a lot of girls (myself included) who wouldn't feel comfortable with their roommate's boyfriend sharing or bed, or even sleeping in the room. The common room is always a possibility, it happens a lot (and it's not a HUGE deal, since most college dorm floors are co-ed, anyways). The best thing to to if the roomie is uncomfortable with the bf in the room is to find a guy friend who is willing to let your boyfriend sleep on his floor.</p>
<p>thanks pearlinthemist, karipac, jangel, and somebodynew for your kind words and advice. it's been really great to have your insight when this is obviously such a sensitive topic for some people.</p>
<p>I notice how you only apprecitate "advice" that pretty much is what you want to hear</p>
<p>You claim you care about your roommate, but in your first, most lilkely most honest post, you didn't come across that way at all</p>
<p>ps- how old is this guy, seeing that he is working full time, is he in school?</p>
<p>I wonder about the "strictness" you claim your parent had for you, when this guy is working]</p>
<p>you say sensitive, I could care less if a person has 20 bf and run in the street with a camel suit, they shouldn't be selfish and expect, as you described in your initial posts, to leave the room so you can be alone often</p>
<p>as I followed your posts, you seemed to get less and less demanding when called on it</p>
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I notice how you only apprecitate "advice" that pretty much is what you want to hear</p>
<p>You claim you care about your roommate, but in your first, most lilkely most honest post, you didn't come across that way at all
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I actually have to agree with this. </p>
<p>But seriously, if its going to happen just tell your roommate outright.</p>
<p>i was never demanding. in my first post i described what i hoped to have occur, that is, a reasonable conversation and agreement with rm regarding visits from my bf. in the best case scenario, i wouldn't want her to feel alienated or kick her out. i may have seemed to be "demanding" because others projected their views on me based on their past experiences on rm's with bfs. i was asking for advice on how to make the initial conversation as well as the situation of the visits itself not inconvenient and settled to the satisfaction of both parties.
citygirls mom, while i appreciate your concern, i don't think it's enterely polite of you to be asking personal questions that are unrelated to the topic and giving unsolicited opinions on my personal life.<br>
NOT THAT ITS ANY OF YOUR BIZNESS, but as i don't much care about your opinion, i might as well satisfy your curiousity.
bf's parents won't pay for college. he is a computer whiz. currently he works at his old hs in that capacity and takes classes towards his microsoft certificantion- first he wants to get his network administrator one then systems engineer. with these certifications, he will then find another job and try to stipulate that they will pay for his further education, at which time he will commence taking part time classes towards his bachelors. btw, he's 2yrs older than me.</p>
<p>lol, It looks like you got called out. Whether you know it or not, it seems like you were here more for affirmation that you were justified in doing this rather than looking for real advice. Go ahead and ask your roomate- you're not going to find the help you want here.</p>
<p>doing what? trying to find a way to balance my desire for privacy with my roommate's right to the room/desire to be there? i've NEVER insinuated that i would kick her out and i wasn't looking for anyone to pat me on the back because i had no intention of doing that in the first place. if i wasn't concerned for my roommate's comfort i wouldn't bother holding my situation up for the scrutiny of cc-ers.</p>
<p>Passionflower: the roommate usually picks up the hint that you want to be alone. (Particularly if it's a weekend night, and the two of you are canoodling like lovebirds somewhere in the room.) If your roommate is too dense to pick up the signs, maybe you should have a talk with her.</p>
<p>Or do it the easy, non-confrontational way and just have him over when she's not there.</p>
<p>^Take a hint? You've got to be kidding! You can't expect two people who hardly know each other to make correct assumptions about one's relationship. The roommate doesn't know what stage the relationship is at. They may leave if they are disgusted, but if s/he is busy doing work, s/he might not. Some people haven't even dealt with anyone in a relationship of this capacity and won't even understand these signs...they are NOT dense.</p>
<p>Why not make things kinky and do it with the roommate present?</p>
<p>CP: the operative word being usually. Sometimes it's difficult to pick up the signs, and some roommates have a more open relationship (e.g. they'll tell the roommate when they need the room, etc.) Most roommates are accommodating, because sometimes they may need a little privacy as well. (Some people I know sleep at other friends' dorm rooms, houses, apts, etc.)</p>