Having Trouble Making Friends

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I have never thought myself to be the asocial type - actually far from it. In highschool I had multitudes of friends, most of whom I knew very well, and on the weekends / holidays I was barraged by people wanting to hang out. Throughout high school I made new friends and also strengthened the relationships I had with kids I'd known since elementary school. I was not particularly shy, although I suppose I was rather reserved and self-conscious; however, to say there was something about me that would preclude me from interacting socially would be very wrong.</p>

<p>I was accepted into a fairly prestigious college, known for its cutthroat academics and intense pre-medicall students. My freshman year was essentially a fiasco. The people on my hall, those with whom I would spend the greatest amount of time interacting, were not my type. They were very preppy and haughty. They made me feel inferior, and instead of attemping to reconcile any social relations with them, I felt it best to just put up with them. </p>

<p>It was difficult to realize any significant friendships with those outside my hall. I mean, I had made various acquaintances through clubs and volunteering groups etc; however, I saw them at most for a few hours a week, obviously not enough time for any friendship to form or strengthen for that matter.</p>

<p>So as sophomore year began, I realized that most people had signed up to live in suites or multiple suites with the same friends they had met in their freshman dorms. Me, having the horrible luck of not befriending many people on my floor, signed up as a single. I am now in a suite with a bunch of people that already know each other. The suites are rather asocial outside of the groups of kids that already know each other, so it is hard for me to interact socially without infiltrating these groups. I meet various acquaintances while traversing the campus, but that doesn't suffice. </p>

<p>Making friends in informal lecture classes are difficult if not impossible, and it is hard for me to find additional venues to make new friends. There are strong-knit cliques within my dorm, but it's hard to enter into a close group of friends. Most clubs don't meet regularly and when they do it is rather informal. I'm not much of an athlete so I don't want to do intramural sports or anything. I exercise in the gym, but I would surmise that it's close to impossible to make a good friend on your adjacent treadmill ^^. </p>

<p>Thanks for any suggestions!</p>

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<p>You seem to have been dealt a bad card. Freshmen neighbours tend to become tightly-knit groups, so it's unfair how a crappy draw of hall mates can hinder your college social life. And I don't like the idea of sophomores going into suite housing, because you're still relatively new to the school in your 2nd year, and you haven't met all the people you could meet. Feels like many people are being boxed in.</p>

<p>I've never been in a situation like yours, so I can't give great advice, but if you could become good friends with just one person, I'm sure the greater group will welcome you after a little while.</p>

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<p>i had a similar situation take place with me.</p>

<p>my freshman year housing situation just well, kinda sucked and it made meeting new people hella difficult. i came in soph year and tons of people already had tight knit circle of friends and i can't say that i did or do. </p>

<p>i've learned to accept it and stop fretting over it - so i haven't made cloose friends yet or don't have that many friends at college period. it might happen and it might not. i'll put myself out there and watch the universe unfold, but i'm not going to expect to make friends overnight/ it's in no way going to happen [it hits a lot of us hard at college time when we've had close friends since we were fairly young lads and then we discover that we can actually be friendless in college].</p>

<p>i now try to focus on the experiences than worrying about making friends all the time. i want to experience a great variety of things so i try to get in as many different events and things as possible rather than making friends. if i make a friend than so be it if i don't than so be it.</p>

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<p>Whether you find good friends among your freshmen year hallmates and roommates is simply a matter of luck.</p>

<p>Typically, the best chance that college students have of finding friends is through extracurriculars because that's where they'll find like-minded students. Also, ECs meet more frequently than in h.s. So, take the time to get to know people in your ECs. Volunteer to help with projects in your EC. After meetings, invite people to stop by the coffee shop or to hangout in your room.</p>

<p>Take the time, too, to befriend freshmen. It's not unusual for close friendships to develop between freshmen and sophs.</p>

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<p>First of all, don't worry so much - this happens to more people than you think. Don't start beating yourself up or thinking there is something wrong with you - there isn't - I can tell that much from the social intelligence and awareness of your post. Yeah, everyone is nervous in certain situations and everyone thinks they are self-conscious - it means nothing.</p>

<p>In fact, it's good that you are somewhat selective about friends - trust me having friends with people you don't really enjoy is doing more harm than help.</p>

<p>Second, to remedy the problem, it's simple: put yourself out there. Strike up conversations with people in the elevator or what have you, sit with the person who's sitting alone, join in a game of pool or some festivities, JOIN CLUBS of course (although this is admittedly somewhat difficult as most are either some ethnic/religious/career club that basically exlude anyone who's 1. white and 2. not a zealot), but there are some fun clubs out there you may be interested in, radio, TV, drama, martial arts, intramurals, school spirit thingamajig - whatever. Next, talk to people, ask for their numbers, invite them to your room, hang out at theirs, invite them to do stuff, invite yourself over to do stuff. Oh yeah, GO TO PARTIES. You don't have to drink, parties are essentially places to MEET and TALK to people. Good practice for the day, if nothing else.</p>

<p>Yes this involves getting out of your comfort zone, that's why many people keep the same generic social circle of two or three ppl (roommates sometimes) for years in college, and some people always complain of boredom (FIND YOUR OWN FUN, JESUS). Just start initiating convos with ppl and stuff. Just meet ppl and have some fun while you're at it.</p>

<p>If nothing else, just think of college as a 4 year social experiment. No one is going to remember what the hell you did there as soon as you graduate, nor ever see you again, save a handful of people.That reminds me of a quote:
"Act as if life is a dream. Be bold and make no apologies."
Take that to heart, for chrissake.</p>

<p>Some other general tips --- try to be a fun, happy, positive guy. Yeah you may have to 'act' like this initially, but the point is not to fake it, it's to actually BE that guy eventually. Everyone has problems and you always hear ppl complaining about homework this, homework that... for god sakes no one cares, give it a rest. Seriously. Stop it now. The 'complainers' and 'debbie downers' and what have you do NOT have a harder life or something like that, it has nothing to do with reality just the person themselves. When you're negative no one wants to be around you, you make everyone else more negative and suck the energy out of the group. Everyone loves being around a guy that's having a good time. Here's something you can try out for yourself and see: next party you're at, at some particularly rockin' song, act as if that song is the sweetest MOST AWESOME music you have ever listened to, and that THIS PARTY IS TOTALLY AWESOME! actually try to believe it. People WILL gravitate to you.</p>

<p>Yeah-- this tended to be a longer post than expected, and I admit it's not very organized -- put you people should be taking notes here. I have more to say, believe me, but this should be plenty.</p>