<p>Wow this thread exploded a bit since I last checked it. Thanks for the responses everybody. The good thing is that it’s summer and we’re in different cities so we won’t be seeing for several months, and even then, only if we make an effort to meet up. Last year, it was only due to living close to each other did we even hang out.</p>
<p>Also, Northstarmom, I would be careful not to overthink your relationship with one of your female friends that you suspected liked you. Some friends would say I value their opinion highly but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m romantically attracted to them. Of course, there could be other clues, but even then, some people are prone to thinking others like them romantically when that is not in fact the case.</p>
<p>"Also, Northstarmom, I would be careful not to overthink your relationship with one of your female friends that you suspected liked you. "</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter to me whether or not she liked me It wouldn’t have mattered to me when I was in college either unless she had let me know she had a crush on me.</p>
<p>I just mentioned the possibility to help you realize that letting your straight friend know you’re romantically interested in him might totally end your relationship with him due to the awkwardness that would ensue, the same awkwardness that happens when a straight person has an unrequited crush on another straight person.</p>
<p>I hope you won’t follow the advice to take your friend out for drinks and then make a pass at him. Taking advantage of a drunk person isn’t what a friend or an ethical person does. Also, unless he is passed out drunk (which would make what you were doing rape), he would still be likely to rebuff your advances, and your actions definitely would end your friendship with him. Being drunk doesn’t change someone’s sexual orientation.</p>
<p>I would never do anything like that as implied in my first post, and I hope you realize the other person was joking when he/she suggested those things.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I don’t think this is necessarily the same with a gay and straight person.</p>
<p>I speak from experience as a straight guy who had a gay friend in college — one of my close friends was also friends with this guy. The gay guy hit on my close friend, then later me, eh.</p>
<p>Yeah, it can make you uncomfortable, but once its over, and they are rejected, and they realize you are unchangeably straight, you can get along as friends — provided the person is not dense or hopeless enough to continue hitting on you.</p>
<p>Whether the friendship can survive is based on two things.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Was the friendship real, or only based on trying to score? If it was the latter, it’s finished.</p></li>
<li><p>Typically, a male-female friendship would end, because being rejected is damaging to the self-esteem. A straight-gay rejection, though probably painful, is really not the same — it’s not as damaging to the self-esteem really, because the guy is STRAIGHT! He wouldn’t date or go out with any guy, even if he was Brad Pitt! Sounds silly but I think it is a key difference. A gay-gay rejection would be similar to the male-female one.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Anyway, I recommend you get over this guy romantically and forget about hitting on him - he is straight and that’s that. You can still be friends with him, but do you want to be, knowing that nothing will come of it romantically? Find some other romantic interest and go after him.</p>
<p>To answer you, peter_parker, our friendship was completely real. I actually am not and was never attracted to him physically (at least not that much). I mean he’s handsome and cute but not irresistible to the point where I’m always consumed by thoughts of jumping on him lol. It really was more about the emotional connection, which, in some sense, is worse.</p>
<p>I know I could get attached to somebody else if I spend more time with that other person. It’s just a matter of closeness I think.</p>
<p>Anyway, this is a silly thread and just for fun. I normally don’t post about social dilemmas on an online forum…it’s just that this topic is awkward to discuss in real life. Didn’t mean to cause an overreaction, esp. among the parents.</p>
<p>" Typically, a male-female friendship would end, because being rejected is damaging to the self-esteem. A straight-gay rejection, though probably painful, is really not the same — it’s not as damaging to the self-esteem really, because the guy is STRAIGHT! He wouldn’t date or go out with any guy, even if he was Brad Pitt! Sounds silly but I think it is a key difference. A gay-gay rejection would be similar to the male-female one."</p>
<p>The problem, though with a gay person revealing a crush on a straight friend (or vice versa) is that the person who isn’t romantically interested in the other may be uncomfortable continuing a friendship with a person of a different sexual orientation who’s romantically in love with them.</p>
<p>I know, for instance, a straight woman who lost her best friend – a gay male – after she revealed her romantic feelings toward him.</p>
<p>We are not foolish enough to lose a friendship over this. I don’t know what kinds of sappy movies you watch or what kind of pop culture you’re exposed to, but we don’t typically think that way.</p>
<p>“We are not foolish enough to lose a friendship over this. I don’t know what kinds of sappy movies you watch or what kind of pop culture you’re exposed to, but we don’t typically think that way.”</p>
<p>You posted a concern and I gave you feedback based on almost 60 years of experience in the world. </p>
<p>I’ve know people who have lost friendships over exactly the kind of situation that you describe. </p>
<p>Perhaps you’re upset because you’re hoping that someone will reassure you by saying that your straight friend eventually will return your romantic love. Sorry, if your friend is straight, that’s not going to happen. </p>
<p>Unrequited love is painful whatever one’s sexual orientation. BTDT.</p>
<p>Possibly the best thing for you to do would be to continue to hide your romantic feelings from your friend. It also may make things easier for you if you distanced yourself from him until your romantic feelings for him cool off and you find a person to love who’s likely to return your feelings.</p>
<p>As a straight girl, I’d actually be kinda excited to have a gay girl hit on me, since girls are much more critical of looks, etc. than guys. </p>
<p>On the other hand, if it was a close friend, yeah, I’d back off hanging out for a little bit. But the exact same thing happened when I started liking one of my best guy friends–I told him how I felt, he didn’t reciprocate, so we’d talk but not really hang out, and after awhile I found someone else and now we’re great friends again. It sucked at the time not having one of my good friends around, but it was better in the long run.</p>
<p>
I can weigh in on this one with a personal anecdote. :)</p>
<p>I had a monster girl-crush on a close friend of mine for two years in high school. I felt the need to let her know on the night of our graduation (2006) only because I knew we weren’t going to keep in touch afterward so there wasn’t much to lose at that point anyway, and a small part of me felt like the feelings could’ve possibly been mutual. I gave her a note confessing everything and she responded to me online a couple days later, saying she didn’t feel the same way but was still interested in continuing the friendship.</p>
<p>I recently met up with an old friend from high school who was also close to her, who, to my surprised, knew the details on what happened. She told me how the girl confided in her out of shock and uncertainty on what to do. My former crush and I have been long over this though as this was four years ago. But, in retrospect, I feel kind of bad having put her in that position. It’s a tough spot for both parties though and it definitely puts the friendship at risk.</p>
<p>Personally I would be flattered if another girl confessed to having a crush on me, and if I found that I felt the same way, I would be happy to pursue a romantic relationship with her. If not, I would kindly let her down but agree to a platonic friendship if she agreed to it.</p>
<p>Others may feel uncomfortable to the thought of a friend crushing on them and become paranoid and evasive as a result, and it speaks volumes on their emotional maturity; although it’s certainly one thing to confess feelings to a straight friend, and the rejected individual continuing with unwanted advances - then it’s wrong.</p>