Excellent outcome!
Wonderful to hear! So glad you were able to communicate as a family, get answers to your questions, and move forward together. 
And this formerly undeclared major wishes your daughter all the best as she explores her options!
Thanks for checking back in! Sounds like a win-win!
ETA: Oh, but you didn’t mention the bf.
Great that you are all on the same page now.
Better now than later when you wouldn’t get your money back from school #1 nor get the scholarship at school #2.
So now that D is dorming at school #2, is she still bringing a car or are you driving her there and back for breaks?
A car would still be a big expense.
Is she planning to come home on weekends?
I love when threads go from beginning to closure. Thanks for letting us know and fwiw, the communication hiccups you dealt with sound pretty typical, particularly during a major stressful decision concerning one of your kids, I don’t think your marriage is doomed. Just as there is frequently pairing off in any group of three, I think kids line up with whoever is closest to what they want, and after a few bumps between everyone, eventually it all comes together. Glad it did for you!
Best to you all.
Thanks for sharing your story. It will help others who come along later to see that families can struggle through a crisis, delve into the chaos, and compromise into a pretty good outcome for all.
If the choice was the difference between a great flagship and a much less competitive directional, this would be a bad choice, as D would be undermatched. Students who go to state (or any) colleges much less competitive actually have lower first year retention rates and grad rates. But as the differences are reported to be small, I agree with @thshadow that it is far better for her to be where she is happy. With the D living on campus, it sounds like a good compromise.
I would not have allowed this. Have you disclosed the flagship U? Are we talking UNC, UVa, UMich, Wisconsin vs. no-name commuter that has practically open admissions? Of course they still gave her a scholarship, they likely have a 50% drop out rate, and with the economy doing a little better, these local colleges are struggling with enrollment numbers.
Don’t be surprised if the slacker boyfriend basically moves into the dorm/apt you’re paying for.
I think the OP is in New York state. Actual schools not given. I agree with @stressedmum1 about the huge gap between a great flagship and a school with the big drop-out rate. Remembering reading through the whole thread, I recall there were not big differences between the 2 schools.
^^ she never said it was a slacker boyfriend, just one going to a different school. The OP/mom ATTENDED this school herself, so I don’t think she considers it a horrible school, and in fact encouraged her daughter to apply there.
Really, there are schools you’ll require your child to attend just because it is ‘better’ (she never said school #1 was the flagship)? My kids got to pick their own schools.
@stressedmum1, OP is in NYS. We have an excellent college system here. I’m sure her daughter will be fine wherever she lands.
Who said the boyfriend was a slacker? I hadn’t heard he and OP’s daughter were interested in moving in together. OP and her husband can cross that bridge when they get to it.
I’m glad the family reached a decision that works for everyone. I hope the daughter is excited about this school.
@redeye41 All of that sounds wonderful! I wish your daughter a wonderful first year and hope that the years to come are just as great.
She didn’t mention the boyfriend in the final discussions and agreements, so we left it at that. I did tell her before that if he was going to visit, I hoped she waited a while to get to know the people around her first and to not just hang out with her boyfriend on weekends.
As of now, no car and she doesn’t need one. But I can see her getting one eventually out of her father. She’s going to try to stay on campus most weekends but if she comes home for a few I cant say I’d be to upset. But she’s going to be in the college orchestra for credit and do a club sport if possible so she may not have time to come home.
I’m sorry but I just feel better not getting into a discussion about the specific school. It has a retention rate of 81 percent and they accepted 45 percent of students that applied. 25 percent of applicants were offered scholarships. About 20 percent of the school is made up of local students like my daughter.
She will probably end up living in a residence hall made up of international students, which is fine with her, and that is where they have room. We ran around today getting a lot done all at once which we could do because it wasn’t a long drive.
She is all set to go and will find out who her roommate is soon, and her final room placement. They want her to register at orientation which is a few days before classes start. The good thing is she gets to move in a day early for orientation, so we won’t have to mess with the huge crowd of actual move in day. This is probably for international students/and they include students like my daughter.
Question: Daughter made a schedule up that looks great, do you think she should wait until orientation to register or try to see if she could meet with her adviser sooner? Most of her classes only have a few openings.
Meet with the adviser ASAP if possible. That schedule may not be available come orientation.
I agree. Get the classes nailed down if she can. They may require that she go through orientation first, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. My son is attending a SUNY and they wouldn’t let him register until afterward, but other colleges may be different.
So happy to read this Redeye. Definitely sounds like a win for all.
I agree that if at all possible, have her register for classes ASAP.
Good luck to all and enjoy having her nearby. One of mine went to a school that was close enough to commute to and after the first semester we rarely saw him, but was nice for him to be able to attend family events or come home if he wasn’t feeling well.
Well that sounds ideal. So glad you all worked it out!
I just want to thank everyone for all of the great advice! Her adviser seems like a really nice guy who registered her immediately before orientation. She got all of her requested classes. She ended up in the most sought after residence hall in a single, her hall director doesn’t even know how that happened! Still she’s meeting new people and seems very happy. Her first class is Phyisics with the same professor I had it with! She’s undecided but was accepted into the school orchestra. She plans on joining a bunch of different clubs. We had a strange college decision making experience that came down to the last minute, but all worked out. School #1 isn’t giving us her housing deposit back because they are now saying that fee covered orientation. An overnight orientation for $400? Oh well, not much we can do so we are out $650. Also, daughter had an additional outside $2000 scholarship that school #1 says is “on its way” but didn’t get refunded in time for new school so we paid that. It will go toward second semester.