- I wouldn't send him back without thoroughly investigating the mental health aspects of the situation.
- Penn is a tough school. It may be the most challenging Ivy for many students. Academics are rigorous, the students are also heavily engaged, and there is a significant social aspect to Penn. It is easy to get overwhelmed.
- Penn CS is difficult. They expect a lot from the students. Few programs are this rigorous, and demanding, regardless of the rankings. If you haven't seen it from the inside, you don't understand it.
- @MYOS1634 is giving you some smart suggestions about Penn CS.
- In addition to CS 160, watch out for CS 121. CS 121 is more difficult, and more time consuming, than CS 160 for many students.
Agree with all that’s been said. A 2.5 is hardly anything to panic over. The key is how he’ll handle it if that’s who he is at Penn, or who he is in a particular major.People tend to forget that when we attend these great graduations, in the sea of graduates are young adults getting their degrees with less than 3.0 GPAs. More than a few. Otherwise you’re at a grade inflation factory.
He has 3 years and a few summers to fix it. More than enough time. But realize that some people at a place like Penn are just going to be in that GPA range and it may not be something they can control. Be really careful with that part if it; don’t assume he was just screwing around. These are situations in which kids can develop mood disorders and make unhealthy choices. Counseling is definitely in order.
Because of what you refer to as “typical teenage anger–very difficult to even discuss things with him” , counseling is needed from a source familiar with UPenn and the demanding curriculum & competitive atmosphere.
The addiction to social media, computer games, TV, etc. is an escape mechanism. Your son is overwhelmed by the demands placed upon him.
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counseling at UPenn
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encourage your son to take a lighter course load. Share that if he insists on graduating in 4 years, that he can do so by enrolling in one summer session. Discuss the option of graduating in 5 years. It is better to take one’s time & do well, then to graduate earlier with poor grades
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Try to devise healthier ways of relaxing than electronic addictions/escapism.
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Encourage him to enjoy college. It is not a race. No need to finish at the top of the class as UPenn is as prestigious as it gets with respect to employers & job opportunities.
All he needs is a 2.9-3.0 next semester, a 3.25 next two semesters, and he’s good to go. That’s the advantage of attending such a prestigious school. Even if he can’t get a 3.0 by graduation as a Penn CS major, he’ll still get offers before he graduates. 
The OP wrote:
“His first semester at college was very bad and scored a GPA less than 2.5.”
" Many days he will not respond to our calls/texts and then we had to drive down 3-4 hours to search for him in the campus "
The source of the “typical teenage anger” may very well a perception that he has overly critical and controlling parents, who are impossible to please and won’t let go.
I mean, if a student chooses a college that is a 3-4 hour drive from home and his parents keep pestering him with phone calls and texts every day, and then showing up randomly on campus searching for him any day that he doesn’t respond right away, I’d think that in itself would be enough to make most typical teenagers very angry.
So yes, counseling may be in order, but perhaps not for the reasons that the OP thinks.
Clearly there is a lack of effective communication between the student & the parents. That’s not unusual. But the adjustment to college is not going well so an experienced Penn counselor should be the first step.
To state the obvious, Penn is a very demanding university. Almost anyone could experience difficulty adjusting. It may be only a case of getting a proper perspective–and who better to help with that than an experienced Penn counselor.
I second @MYOS1634 advice (in spirit as I do not have the specifics). “Less than 2.5” (guessing that means “more than 2.0” or you’d have said so) is not great but it is PASSING and it was his very first semester. He didn’t get how different colleges courses would be, now he does. He’s not home slacking, he’s working. Show him how to get help/support and let him go back.
PS: IMO it’s a little odd to me to go “find” a student on campus unless I was worried about suicide or very serious mental illness. He’s at college. Passing classes, presumably. Struggling with how hard they can be, not yet knowing how to prioritize study/manage time/skip gaming when necessary. It sounds OK.
I really don’t think any of us can judge going to campus to “find” the son. The parents were already worried. I am a pretty laid back parent but I once drove 3 hours to “find” one of mine. It would seem the parental instinct to find him was right on target and I commend the OP for taking him out for a semester. Clearly something is going on. It is not all about grades.
If he wants to go back to UPenn, again, I would get a diagnosis from a professional and provide documentation to the Office of Disabilities so that accommodations like reduced course load might be possible. And it would be great if he, himself, saw a need for help and saw a counselor, met with his advisor and so on.
I totally sympathize with your own wish that he would go to a state U!
Another possibility is to talk with him about changing majors.
It is okay to follow other paths than the traditional 4 year degree in 4-6 years too. But at this point, he wants to go back to UPenn and that would seem to be the first step in what may or may not be a longer journey. If he does return, it is important to set things up for success and I think counseling, reduced course load, change in major, and increases use of resources are all strategies that could help.
Sympathies, and you are doing a great job!
If he got into Penn CS and had a tech internship this semester, it means we’re talking about a gifted CS student (not just a kid who took AP CS A and liked it).
Graduating from Penn with a CS major, even with a sub 3.0 GPA, means this kid has a job lined up 4 years from now. He’s better off doing something he loves and is good at, even if it means running the gauntlet and taking punches from very tough preliminary classes like cis160 (< at other universities, students would take the class over the course of one year or a much lighter version over a semester and it’s considered sophomore level. Think of it as the Marines’ bootcamp but for the brightest CS/math geeks - it’s a challenge even for the best freshmen. And this kid survived. Barely, and probably psychologically bloody, but he made it.)
I would put some of the burden back on him.
Can he explain what the issue was? Because if he can’t, then he cannot change his behavior.
I am going assume it was something like this: He has been super smart all his life.He got into a top college. In HS, he always took the hardest courses and did well So he continued to do the same thing. Maybe he didn’ t listen to his advisor on course choices…maybe he didn’t know the jump in difficulty from HS to Honors Ivy Course. Then he didn’t do well with the usual effort…maybe he felt ashamed (possibly additional cultural issues make it worse) that he wasn’t doing well. He never had to ask for help before…so he didn’t want to/didn’t think to. He didn’t answer your texts because he just knew he could get it together…if he put more effort on Class A then he could do well…forgetting he needed that effort on Class B and C. Maybe this is the first time he wasn’t the smartest in the class. Maybe he wasn’t addicted to tv/games but was just using them as a bad coping mechanism/avoidance mechanism. Maybe there is additional mental health issues…or maybe not. Maybe these are not unreasonable grades for UPenn CS.
So I would want to know what he thinks went wrong and what he will do differently. Why should you spend $$$$$ for UPenn vs. your state school.
eg., Easier courses, thing listed in this link:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1920853-college-is-a-step-up-from-hs-16-tips-on-doing-well-in-college.html
If a student went on academic probation, they would appeal. Have him appeal to you with specifics.
I would consider including the ability to monitor his grades and an agreement on how offen you will communicate.
Your son is doing quite well, snagging an internship in freshman year, showing his aptitude and interest in CS and managed higher level CS classes in his 1st semester itself.
He might be frustrated or ashamed of letting you down, when he was such a star student before. As a parent, I would assure him that his happiness means more than anything else, and let him choose whether or not to go back to Penn. Penn Engg is very hard and almost all freshman at elite colleges go through this disappointment when they realize that they are no longer the star students. You have received good advice from a number of posters above.On the other hand, if it is financially hard for your family to send him to Penn vs. State school, and any other worries that are causing stress, then you have to make that decision that is best for the family.
Have you asked your son what he wants to do? He has to buy into any plan you guys come up with.
I was what seemed to be a perfect student many moons ago only to finish freshman year with a 2.4-2.5 GPA. It somewhat continued into sophomore year. I got out of the dorms and started to get the hang of being on my own. It happens. Good or bad my parents who never went to college never talked to me about my grades.
I keep telling myself I am not going to bug my D when she goes off to college. I hope I can keep that promise.
I would ask when he goes back that he respond to any text that says “Sign of life needed.” If he replies to show he is alive, leave it at that. Don’t go to campus looking for him. And only send that if he misses the weekly phone call (see below).
You might set a rule of 1 phone call per week and ask him to stick to it. If you’ve been expecting more, then you are expecting more than most kids will do.
Adding to what @intparent wrote. We politely asked our college kids to call us once a week at their convenience. This was usually on a weekend, and in our kids’ cases was usually on Sunday. But sometimes they were busy on Sunday so they called Saturday instead…or Monday.
We also didn’t keep them on the phone for a long time.
There is an underlying implication in many posts that the parent going to campus to find the son was inappropriate. This visit preceded a leave of absence. We don’t know enough to make any judgments. However, after being on here for many years, there are many many instances when a parent did NOT get involved in this manner and we get posts from kids who tanked , have no support, and are writing appeals. Many of them also have loans for all their bad grades. The OP avoided this by being involved. Each family knows how to deal with their own.
Yes, but it is possible that his issues have some roots in rebellion against stifling parent attention. We have also seen that out here.
We’re only getting OP’s side and jumping to assume there’s somthing terribly wrong with the son (typical CC.) He may have simply overloaded. It seems he was open about the difficulties. OP said he was focusing on the one or two hardest classes and might have ended better overall, if he’d balanced efforts among all.
Why does that point to dropping out, after one semester on campus? Why is the son expected to respond to what sounds like it might be a barrage of texts? Why did the parents drive down? OP says he’s addicted to social media- really? A kid who managed a heavy hs courseload? For all we know, he was doing schoolwork when he couldn’t be found.
Any way we can get some balanced perspective?
We cannot tell. I am just suggesting we reserve judgment. Often, a dramatic change in grades does signal a problem. This can be viewed as parental intrusion or wise intervention, take your pick. I am posting for balance. Not enough info.
I don’t see it as a “dramatic change” in grades to get a 2.5 first semester at a school like Penn in a tough major. College is a big step up academically for most kids. Sounds like the kid was overly optimistic in his class choices and thought he could dig himself out.
MODERATOR’S NOTE: OK, please no more back and forth - it’s getting into debate territory. Thanks!