Help fine-tuning? Please?

<p>Hey... Anyone willing to read and critique an essay? I won't say which (sorry, don't want to attract attention from people also applying to this school) until after I background check you (yes... sorry again).</p>

<p>I'm satisfied with it, I think. I just have a few concerns and am wondering if it isn't college essay-ish enough. In other words, I write essays for fun, and I don't know if this is too much of a for-fun essay and not enough of a college essay...</p>

<p>Thanks in advance.</p>

<p>Oh yeah, and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE IN THE HS CLASS OF 09 OR YOUNGER! Sorry-- just a precaution.</p>

<p>i think i pass your requirements :D
pm me if you want me to read your essay</p>