<p>As long as she is of legal age and it is not against school policy and no academic quid pro quo or punishment were involved what legal basis would you have to sue? Obviously the current student status muddies the waters. What if they had no academic connection and just met in the union or at a club? Still want to sue and on what basis? If she were just dating some 34 year old accountant she met at a party would you sue the accounting firm? Or maybe he’s a doctor she met at the health clinic. Not much power issue there if he just gave her a flu shot. Or a librarian in the periodicals section? Still trying to sue? </p>
<p>No I have never been a prof or teacher who dated anyone but I have been of age in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s etc and seen a fair number of younger (and a few older) women make moves on guys at least 15 years different in age–mostly in the office. I don’t expect life on campus to be much different than in city hall, state government or at The Rock. People were always getting together–many that you would never expect.</p>
<p>I just began reading this thread tonight and I feel for you, needadvise.</p>
<p>I think you might look at the three goals: separate your dd from the creepo, preserve your relationship with dd, and try to impede creepo’s continuing this behavior.</p>
<p>The first will happen on its own in a couple weeks at least temporarily. One thing to consider is that when you end up reporting the creep, if your daughter is still seeing him, she will suspect you immediately. You will have to either lie to her (and be prepared to be exposed later) or just admit it. You might as well have told her up front. During the summer, you might tell her she has to pay for any overseas electronic communications, but she can use some stamps. If he is back and she wants to see him, I think it’s a great idea (though stomach-turning) to invite him over for a day. He probably won’t show, which will really make her wonder. </p>
<p>During the summer, you can use the time to help your daughter understand the implications of the relationship. The set of questions someone listed were wonderful and should get her thinking. If she won’t talk to you about this, you could make a deal- you won’t say a word as long as she discusses this in detail with someone else (like a professional). This also has the advantage that she might not be as vulnerable to someone similar to this guy.</p>
<p>I think it is also important to report his behavior sooner or later to the colleges that employ him. He has clearly crossed ethical and workplace boundaries and will continue with other teens. This might also send a message within his department that this behavior is not tolerated, in case there is more than one of these guys.</p>
<p>barrons, I have no idea where a lawsuit would go, but the instructor-student relationship differs from your other examples. When you pay for a course, you expect to be evaluated (graded) according to the same criteria as all of the other students. A sexual (romantic, if you will) relationship with the person doing the evaluation means you are being evaluated differently than everyone else, and it also means the other students are being evaluated differently than the student who is in a relationship. The implied contract–your classroom performance determines your evaluation–has been broken.</p>
<p>If I were the parent here, I would be outraged for a lot of different reasons, but my complaints to the university would be based on the fact that students are not getting their money’s worth, and that an instructor who doesn’t, or can’t, recognize that fact is an idiot and should not be in the business.</p>
<p>Barrons, A school would have a very hard time showing that a professor was not in an undue power position if sleeping with one of his freshman students. I would consult a lawyer to SEE if I had legal standing. Given that I would be fully supporting my child there might be the possibility for legal economic justice. I too came of age in the 60’s/70’s. This ain’t then. In college I had a good friend who was date raped by a professor. My response then (how could you be so stupid to go to his cabin, let it go) was quite different than it would be now (call the police). She never let it go and confronted him 30 years later for an apology he wasn’t prepared to give but she felt good about confronting him.</p>
<p>I’d bet it certainly IS against school policy.</p>
<p>OP- Have you read the school’s handbook of rules and regulations? So important to know what parameters the prof has overstepped, besides the ethical/moral ones. </p>
<p>As an adjunct professor, he is surely hoping for tenure. Knowledge of this incident by his department or dean would likely squash any chance for a permanent position. Exposure to the University’s higher-ups would hopefully lead to the end his job and dalliances at your daughter’s school.</p>
<p>Why all these other questions over scenarios that don’t apply to the OP’s situation? They are irrelevant. In this situation, a student is being sexually exploited by a professor who has decided power over her. It is considered ethically wrong by the vast majority of educational institutions in the country (and by most parents of undergraduates—though apparently, you’ve little problem with it), and most schools will fire a prof/instructor proven to have flouted this policy. Let’s address the issue at hand.</p>
<p>The OP’s daughter has done a 180 in her assessment of this guy. He must be very good at what he does.</p>
<p>Open confrontation may result in unintended consequences - will she defend him? Will she insist that she seduced him? If his job is really important to him, will he run off and marry her to squelch any negative repercussions?</p>
<p>My guess is that the daughter much prefers her vision of herself as a love object so powerful he would break rules to be with her than the parental view of a young woman victimized by a sleazy predator. Until her vision regarding this guy clears, she might do really unwise things in his defense. </p>
<p>I have vivid memories of returning to my senior year of high school to discover that the valedictorian of the previous year was now married to my 3 times divorced, mid 40’s science instructor. It was the 70’s and he kept his job and his new 18 year old wife for quite a while… Times are different now</p>
<p>Re: Cut off posting - Sorry - slip of mouse - </p>
<p>Meant to add that times are different but there is no guarantee that daughter will stand idly by and let this guy get what he deserves. She thinks he loves her, she probably thinks she loves him - powerful stuff for a 19 year old.</p>
<p>I’ve tried looking all over the website at dd’s school and I can’t find the rules and regulations of employment. Do you think I’m missing it? Do all schools have to have that posted? I’ve tried checking under everything that seems obvious to me.</p>
<p>Check to see if there is a Student Bill of Rights. If you can’t find the expectations for faculty you may be able to see the universities definition of sexual harassment, student/ teacher relationships, etc.</p>
<p>You might also try a google search with the name of the university and words to the effect of teacher/student relationship, sexual harassment, etc. If there is a public document it should come up but it may not be on the school’s website.</p>
<p>Do a Google search on “sexual harassment <daughter’s college=”“>”. I’m not saying that a consensual relationship constitutes sexual harassment, but the same page that tells how the college deals with harassment will also most likely talk about consensual sexual relationships between students and faculty.</daughter’s></p>
<p>I suggest you do a search on the college website. Use: faculty student dating or faculty student affair. Just for fun I did that for my d’s college. A few entries down, “personnel policies and procedures” came up. It was a pdf about sexual harassment policies, and partway into it, it also said this: </p>
<p>Section III C. of the Faculty Handbook deals with Consensual Relations and reads: “The University of ***** strongly discourages any sexual or amorous relationships between members of the University community and those students over whom they have a direct, current supervisory or evaluative relationship. Such relationships, even when consensual, are problematic because they may result in favoritism or the perception of favoritism, which imperils the integrity of the educational environment. Such relationships may also lead to charges of sexual harassment.”</p>
<p>Probably the faculty handbook is not online accessible to the public, but you will probably find something. And I won’t be surprised if it’s similar to the above, in that the relationship is “discouraged” but not necessarily dis-allowed. </p>
<p>Best wishes to you and your family as you navigate this situation.</p>
<p>The problem with intervening is that teens and young adults often enter a stage of what I consider rebellious insanity. Some of them seem to be intent on destroying themselves and their parents. Usually, this goes away as the hormones settles, the gray matter catches up with the hormones and their skin becomes more comfortable on them. But these are the times when our children will cut off their noses to spite their faces, and yours. </p>
<p>Your D may deny the accusation, and even quit school to shack up with the professor if he is fired. I have seen kids do all kinds of stupid things in similar cases. She may lie and take the blame for the prof saying she made up the texts, etc, etc. There could be a big mess and you end up losing your D for a while with resentment for a long time. She is an adult which makes things a lot more difficult. If this is an important battle for the OP to fight, then go to it. Usually, from what I have seen, these things fizzle out, and life goes on. </p>
<p>As a mom who had to deal with schools and stupid teenagers, I chose my battles v-e-r-y carefully knowing full well that some of my kids where not my alllies in the fight, but often part of the problem and I was often in a delicate balance.</p>
<p>cptofthehouse- My biggest concern is losing my daughter to him. I’m unable to sleep more than 2 or 3 hours each night. I also haven’t had an appetite since our fight on Saturday afternoon. I am overwhelmed with feelings of sadness. The waiting until classes and finals are over is really eating away at me but I know I have no choice but to wait. I have never felt so much anxiety in my life.</p>
<p>I also plan on calling the university tomorrow to find out what the policy is about student/professor relationships. Maybe I’ll luck out and get someone to direct me to the policy/link. I’ve looked all over the site and even did a search but I’m still not finding it.</p>