<p>This is an instance of blatant sexual harrassment, and violation of most schools’ ethics code for employees. Because he hasn’t yet been reported doesn’t mean school condones that behavior. If he’s an adjunct professor, the school would fire him for far lesser complaints than an affair with a freshman student in his class. Adjuncts have no employment recognition of due process in this matter, nor union or faculty senate protection; they serve at will and whim of institution. One confirmed complaint about inappropriate statement to a student would do enough damage, this adjunct is a temporary worker not worth embarassment of a sustained discussion by administration. Adjuncts have miserable job-security. Schools are self-monitoring for this specific issue of sexual harrassment. OP has confirmation via text-message records, quite damning. </p>
<p>A guy willing to hit on a much younger woman, a woman over which he has direct authority (teacher, supervisor, coach, etc) is highly likely to be a habitual violator fully aware that he is violating ethical boundaries of his job description. Many of us have similar stories from our college years, but schools are now far more aware of legal liabilities arising from their faculty’s peccadillos. Surely OP’s daughter’s school won’t tolerate his behavior and highly unlikely to be vindictive towards daughter. More likely school will want to fire the adjunct and calm OP and daughter, ASAP. More probable, ADJUNCT will cause academic and emotional harm to daughter if he’s not reported.</p>
<p>OP is concerned about daughter’s welfare. A freshman is not a fully-formed adult, as reported in many valid psychological studies noting that adult maturity doesn’t form until late 20s now for most young Americans. (Certainly much college behavior would imply such.) Circumstances suggest that OP’s daughter is perhaps at risk for STDs, pregnancy, and certainly for emotional pain due to messy break-up (these guys always move on to a fresh victom), whispering campaign among other students, and self-doubt for placing herself in this position in the first place.</p>
<p>You should use the university’s website search engine to look up “sexual harassment policy.” Every university has one. The instructor’s behavior violates all such policies. The policy should describe the process for filing a complaint. Most policies specify channels for complaint. The accuser is asked what she wants to have happen as a result of the complaint. Most universities will start by writing a letter to the instructor that demans that he stop the illegal behavior and that evidence of punitive treatment of the student will be grounds for further action. Complicating factors in such policies is that most perpetrators are allowed a “freebie” before they are seriously penalized (loss of job being the most likely for this instructor). The policies are written in such a way as to give professors wiggle room on the first charge to indicate that it was all a misunderstanding, etc. In the absence of firm proof of quid pro quo (e.g., an e-mail or cell phone conversation in which the instructor specifically threatens a lower grade if the student does not have sex with him), the perpetrator will typically merely get his hand slapped (letter of warning). However, if this instructor is adjunct rather than tenure/tenure track, he actually may get fired because there are no contractual protections to ongoing employment. Without regard to his status, if he has been previously cited, then a complaint/documentation by your daughter will cook his goose with a much shorter due process. But if he has not been cited, a complaint can be very tough on your daughter, especially given her youth. Due process often makes the student feel like she is the guilty one, not the instructor. I am a professor and have dealt with numerous students over a number of years who have reported to me what your daughter is reporting to you: illegal sexual harassment. But getting the young women to NAME what is happening to them as sexual harassment is often extremely difficult and that is absolutely critical to actually being able to file a complaint and see that complaint through to its conclusion. Because the students are considered adults, third party reporting is often completely ineffectual. The student will defend the instructor when asked by a sexual harassment officer about a third party allegation. Perhaps the best that you can do is become knowledgeable about the school’s sexual harassment policy, maintain documentation on all correspondence with your daughter, etc., and continue to support her. Once she does realize what is/has happened to her, you will have the knowledge needed to assist her in filing a complaint. She will want to work with the Dean of Students at her school. Usually an associate dean is specifically tasked with these kinds of cases. Often advocates are assigned to students by such offices so that they do not have to go into meetings with the sexual harassment officer on their own. Filing a complaint, whether it is soon or even several years down the road, will help her regain her confidence in herself and also help build a case file so that other young women down the road who are the next victims of this instructor will be more likely to have their complaints result in immediate action. Books on this subject include: Sexual Harassment on College Campuses: Abusing the Ivory Power and The Lecherous Professor: Sexual Harassment on Campus. For a student-focused approach see: [Dating</a> your Professor - StateUniversity.com Blog](<a href=“College and University Blog”>Dating your Professor - StateUniversity.com Blog)</p>
<p>Gonna agree here that while I think there is nothing inherently wrong with a professor dating an undergraduate, the way this guy is going about it (taking students to happy hour and allowing your daughter to sleep over at his house) sounds creepy and is definitely an ethical violation if she’s in his class.</p>
<p>Also, I completely disagree with kxc1961. They say that if he’s a serial predator, he’ll move on. Perhaps, but the OP’s daughter may get hurt in the process, and if she can prevent that…why wouldn’t she? I also disagree that if he’s a predator he’ll eventually get punished because many of them DON’T. Also this true love conquers all stuff is so Disney…there are a lot of things that break up love matches. She may really love him, she may only think she loves him, but either way the relationship may indeed be inappropriate especially if the professor is just playing her. Why wouldn’t a mother be interested in saving her daughter from heartbreak?</p>
<p>I don’t know, I’d tread carefully since your daughter is a willing participant in this. The professor is abusing his position and should be punished, but you also have to balance that with alienating your daughter (she may never share anything close with you again, if she doesn’t forgive you…) It may be best to wait it out the three weeks and then just cut off any communication while she’s at home. But I also totally think it’s within your rights and interest as a parent to call up the school - I agree, by searching it from the website you should find it. I checked my university’s page and it was the first result.</p>
<p>I agree. The OP has every right to protect her D. I would do the same with my kids. However, I found it difficult to justify the fact that the Prof is being blamed as the only guilty party here. The daughter has the chance and ability to break away and find alternatives. Even OP stated that the D has many other alternatives. Why the creepy old bag? Just move on and take the initiative to start a fresh chapter on her own initiative. Someone (posted on this thread) younger than her (16?) can deal with situation like this in a better way. Why can’t a 19 year-old? By the way, If I were the Dad and was kept in the dark like this, I would go ballistic. I thought protecting kid is part of father’s job too.</p>
<p>In a few months time most likely this will all be water under the bridge. If this were my daughter, my biggest concern would be why her creep-o-meter is not going off. I would hope the poor judgement doesn’t become a pattern.</p>
<p>shrinkrap- “My biggest concern is losing my daughter to him.”</p>
<p>What does that MEAN? </p>
<p>I said that because I know there is a very small chance when this all blows up at the end of finals that she could go running into his arms. She could honestly believe that this is the love of her life and her soulmate. I know the chances are very slim that he’d even want that but I do have to worry about it. </p>
<p>On another note, it truly amazes me that a 34 year old would text as much as he does. They’re texting all night into the early morning hours. I mention it because it does make me think that could he really care about my daughter? Would he invest so much of his time communicating with her not just on text but they have very long phone calls too.
Am I reading into it too much on how often they communicate?</p>
<p>I would agree with Futurecollegemom. I would also like to go one step further: If the daughter’s intent is to trade her relationship for good grade in the English class, then, she really needs to see a doctor. This may not be a Disney movie we are talking about. However, it is ones value as a human being at stake here. Call me old-fashioned or anything your want. I would not allow this behavior in my family.</p>
<p>Just saw your post, needadvise12345. If these two really care about each other, that is a totally different discussion. I think all of us should not quick to jump into a conclusion. I recommend you talk to the guy and see what he says. If he reaaly cares about her, then give you your blessing. Still, please keep the Dad in the loop. You and the Dad are partners in this whole thing. He loves the D as much as you do, I hope.</p>
<p>I wasn’t successful in getting anyone at her school on Friday. The few people I looked up on line didn’t answer their phone and I wasn’t comfortable leaving a message for someone to call me back. I’ll try again tomorrow. </p>
<p>There is nothing posted on the school website about sexual harassment. A moderator here on CC who can tell from my other screen where my daughter attends also didn’t find a policy. They have a great website so I’m not sure why it isn’t available. I sure hope it’s not because they don’t have a policy about teachers/students.</p>
<p>I can almost guarantee that she’s not in this for a good grade. Her gpa was 3.8 last semester. She also had an A in his class before spring break when I know they weren’t involved. She also ended up with an A in her last semester English class. </p>
<p>I also agree with futurecollegemom! Her “creep-o-meter” was sounding alarms in Feb and March when she told me he met two students at happy hour and was asking a friend in her class whether or not she had a boyfriend. His e-mails to her during spring break were creepy to her. I just don’t know what the heck changed when I dropped her back off after spring break!</p>
<p>I don’t think it is a good idea to report to school without knowing whether these two really love each other. You need to find out what caused her to change her mind. I am sure she is smart enough to tell you. From a selfish perspective, you don’t want to lose your D. Your D may get hurt by you jumping too quickly into a wrong conclusion. Let’s ask questions before shoot.</p>
<p>My daughter did mention to me at the beginning of the semester that she thought her English instructor was “hot”. He filled in for an instructor on day 1 of another English class and almost 1/2 the girls in that class wanted to transfer into her class.
He also has several female fans on ratemyprofessor because they all checked the “hot” button.
Argh! This guy makes me sick!</p>
<p>How many weeks are left in this semester? Why is it so necessary to “report this” right now? The whole thing may run it’s course since your D is coming home for the summer. How did your H react when you told him? What is your D saying to you? Have you talked to her, told her you’ve been “checking up” on this guy? Have you told her you are thinking of calling the college? You do know all these things will come to light for you D eventually. Are you being honest with your D?</p>
<p>kxc- We were able to talk about it without yelling when she first told me about him on the car ride home. What she told me is exactly what you would imagine. She got to know him and he’s such a nice guy, can relate to mature young adults her age better than he can his age group because most of his college friends have started families, blah blah blah. She defended his actions about meeting the girls at happy hour and asking personal questions to her friend in that class. He claims the two girls were asking him where to go for happy hour. He told them he was meeting friends that night at a fun place and they just happened to show up. He also told my dd that the conversation with her friend was misconstrued. He said he tries to make college students feel comfortable around him and it was all a very innocent conversation. </p>
<p>I tried to tell her that there’s a very good chance that he’s full of it and that’s not how it actually happened. I must have told her 10 times that she’s not his first and she sure as heck won’t be his last.</p>
<p>I think getting this guy fired, which will likely happen, will probably promote him to martyr status in your d’s eyes. And what is to be gained? She will be furious with you for interfering and it will be a long time before she confides in you again. I suggest you speak to your d when she comes home, reestablish your close relationship with her and reevaluate the situation over the summer. I understand you want to protect your child and slam this guy. You need not call the school now. You can always call them 6 weeks from now if that is what is needed.</p>
<p>And it is actually quite possible that most of this is true, especially the happy hour meeting. They would not be the first female students to find it a bit of a thrill to flirt with and/or pursue a professor, especially a young single one. </p>
<p>The part that bothers me is his statement about relating to 19 yr olds better than peers. Of course, that may be the spin your D puts on an unwise but comparatively innocent remark such as “It’s hard to get my friends to go out with me in the evening these days, since they all have little kids.” Really, he just shouldn’t be having that kind of conversation with a student. And he shows at the very least lack of common sense in becoming involved with a current student.</p>
<p>It definitely sounds as if he is immature. Whether he is in fact a serial predator remains to be seen. I think that you ought to arrange to have a face-to-face meeting with him to discuss these issues if you are considering reporting him and ruining his career. You may decide that he deserves it, or you may not.</p>
<p>momofthree-Her classes end next Friday and she comes home the 13th. I haven’t mentioned this guy to her since our argument last weekend. I can’t try to discuss this anymore on the phone so I’m leaving it alone until she’s home. So, to answer your question, no… I’m not being honest with her. When I did tell her that I should be calling the school she flipped out so I won’t be bringing that up again until she’s home. </p>
<p>I won’t be reporting him to the school until finals are over. I can’t stress her out with that until the semester is over. I was considering not reporting him but I can’t stand the thought of another parent having to deal with what I’m dealing with. I do believe that this guy is a predator and my daughter is a victim. </p>
<p>I won’t be telling my husband until the night before we head down to pick her up. He’s impulsive and I do believe it’s the best way to handle it. The last thing I need is for him to call her up and start demanding answers during her last week of classes. Even worse, him getting in his car and driving there to demand answers! She has always been a good student but I wonder how much studying she’s getting done with her constant texting and late night phone calls. I don’t know if she has let her grades slip these past 4 weeks.</p>
<p>I’m still considering showing up to meet him face to face after she’s home. I found his home address and keep thinking about how I’d like to drive there and ring his doorbell. I have even found his schedules on line from the other schools and have thought about confronting him there and really catching him off guard. I know what he looks like and can easily find out his car and plate number by calling a friend for a favor.</p>
<p>Ellen- I didn’t mean that I’d be out in a parking lot waiting for him by sitting on his car! I meant that I’d like to confront him at my dd’s school or at his house and I’d know he was there by knowing the make of his car and plate number.</p>