<p>I don’t really think there is a “victim” here. There’s a number of things the guy could have done and should have done and apparently didn’t (if he’s still grading her paper) but they are both adults. I’m not entirely sure it fits the letter of law concerning harassment either or at least the D is not saying she felt pressured and she’s the one that would need to report harassment. Everything else is assumptions (that he does this frequently, that he is a predator etc. etc.). The OP can certainly report him to the college as at the very least he should have excused himself from grading her papers etc. etc., I think the OP is wise to wait until the end of the semester because if she does report this guy there is going to be huge drama no doubt and it’s entirely possible that if one of the D’s classmates felt that the D was getting “extra credit” for the relationship that someone else might also report the guy especially if he’s a known lecher. If he is a known lecher I’m surprised the D didn’t catch wind, although perhaps he’s “new” at this college. On the flip side he could be a nice guy…the OP doesn’t “know” him she’s just guessing based on what her D said and what she could find googling him…</p>
<p>No it is never easy to take the high road. I would have pressed the school to allow my child to withdraw. The school has liability in this case. They hired this professor. To allow my child to withdraw with no penalty would be the least they could do. At work, we would call it a hostile environment. Employer would be required to remove an employee from that environment. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for a parent to withdraw a student completely (so the professor could no longer have access to the student) and for the parent to demand full refund of the tuition. If I were the administration, I would approve it in order to avoid any further law suit.</p>
<p>^^That’s interesting, but how much “say” would the 19 year old student have in this? It seems like a parent could call and complain that a professor was taking advantage of their student which is true, but could a parent or the college force a student to withdraw if the student is not saying that it’s a hostile environment. Seems like the college could take action against the prof but I wonder if the college can actually take action against the student if the student doesn’t want to withdraw if if the student doesn’t want to take an incomplete or a withdraw or no credit. I could see a difference if it was an underage minor, but this is a 19 year old woman. It’s moot because the OP says she’s waiting until the semester is over but I do wonder how much a parent the college can do if the student doesn’t want the action to occur. I don’t know, thinking back to when I was 19 I had already lived in a town far away from my parents and done an internship I think I’d be very distraught if the college would have called me and suggested I retake the class or something like that. I don’t know it’s not an easy situation I get that.</p>
<p>The student may not know it’s a hostile environment. OP has text records for proof. Waiting for the semester over is a good idea because there are still text messages for records. I would demand full payment for last semester and sue this university for pain and suffering. I rather my kid go to CC than pay $48K for this sort of crap. No degree is worth it if one doesn’t learn to stand up for oneself.</p>
<p>When I said that a parent could ask for a refund, it is assuming OP could get the daughter to leave (I would have tried everything within my power to force my daughter to leave).</p>
<p>If the school is made aware of the situation, at minimum they should make the student drop the course because her grade would not be valid, and there should be disciplinary action against the professor. OP’s daughter would be very distraught if the college were to tell her to re-take the class, but she should have known better before she got involved with her professor. Some people may jump in to say, “But she is only 19, she wouldn’t have known, why punish her.” Ok, so is she an adult or not? As an adult, she should know better than to have a relationship with her professor (or her boss someday). If at 19 she doesn’t know better, then it is time for her parents to teach her. Later on, she is going to have to deal with much more difficult situation by herself.</p>
<p>I read the Yale article posted by someone in the beginning. The writer is still dealing with it emotionally 20+ years later. I worked in finance for 25+ years. When I was younger, I was one of very few women on the trading floor. I know what unwelcomed advancement is all about. I was fired once because I didn’t welcome my boss’ proposition, so I know what happens when one takes the high road. D1 is about to enter the same business, and I hope I have set the right example for her.</p>
<p>I say “finish out the semester”. oldfort is putting too much blame on the daughter. I’m sure the D isn’t slacking off in the class. This relationship just started after spring break. Make sure she keeps copies of all her work, in case you get a university official like oldfort.</p>
<p>I disagree that the daughter should be held equally responsible in this case. He is in a position of power and authority, and he has abused his position. She is an adult, yes, but barely. She is just a few months out of high school. And to say her grade isn’t valid is only true if all of the grades in his class are not valid. Should all of the students have to repeat the class? That whole question is complete speculation, as there is no way to know that he was not able to be objective in grading, even under these circumstances.
On the one hand, oldfort, you seem to be saying it’s ok to punish the daughter- make her repeat the class or even leave the college, but on the other hand you think the school should take responsibility for the Prof’s behavior and give the OP a refund for the semester. Why should the school provide a refund to the student if she is equally responsible for the situation–as in being an adult, should have known better, etc?</p>
<p>I think the OP’s daughter will learn lessons from this situation as it is. No need to derail her education more than it already has been derailed, thanks to Mr. English Prof taking advantage of his position of power and authority disregarding the implicit boundaries of teacher and student.</p>
<p>What I am saying here is both of them are at fault. One could argue that the professor is more at fault because of his maturity and his power over OP’s daughter. Whether it is OP’s daughter’s fault or not, the grade she would get in his class (good or bad) would be very subjective. If I were a student in that class, and if I knew about the relationship, I would have the right to challenge validity of it. The reason it is not ethical for a professon to sleep with a student, or a boss to sleep with a subordinate, is because there is always favortism when there is an affair. </p>
<p>If I were an administrator of the school, I would fire the professor, and have the student re-take the course without any penalty, or take the student’s work to have another professor re-grade it.</p>
<p>In the links on various college positions it was clear that the onus is on the person in authority to remove themselves from the grading/teaching position. Some colleges simply required the teacher to do this (and seemingly allow the relationship to continue) and some colleges took a stronger stance (cease the relationship with repercussions). The onus was on the teacher to put that distance in the classroom between he and the D. If I were the parent I would be treading softly through the situation to ensure that my D’s grades weren’t impacted or her college derailed which is an entirely separate issue than the relationship. Unless the OP is willing to have an outcome that the D leaves the college and goes elsewhere threatening lawsuits and all kinds of stuff is probably not the smartest move unless the D is willing to be a huge part of the lawsuit.</p>
<p>
Being required to retake a course that you have completed already is a penalty.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I don’t believe that this is the reason. There may be favoritism, or there may be coercion. There may be intimidation. There may be humiliation or retaliation from others when they find out- or from the Prof if she chooses to break it off. It’s a wild card for both, but it’s very unhealthy for the one in the subordinate position, in this case, the OP’s daughter.</p>
<p>I also don’t agree that you, as another student in the class, would have the right to challenge the validity of the OP’s D’s grades. You could challenge the validity of your own, but the OP’s D’s is none of your business.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>As stated by other posters, OP’s daughter isn’t exactly innocent here. Did she know what she was doing? Should she be held responsible for her own action, as an adult?</p>
<p>If you believe she is truly an adult in this situation, and equally responsible, then you, as a parent, should have no recourse at all. In fact, if the school thought your D was responsible, perhaps they should just ask her to leave. After all, she’s causing trouble- she may have even made advances- we can’t know. Remove them both!</p>
<p>Makes no sense. We need to use our wisdom as parents here, and help our kids navigate some of these sticky situations they find themselves in. Let her learn from this by talking it out over the summer and coming up with a plan to report the prof and let the administration handle it as they see fit. I think that is a more reasonable logical consequence from the situation- not making an issue out of the validity of her grade and making her retake a course that she probably already aced. The OPs daughter may need counseling- may suffer from some self-esteem issues or other, but I don’t think that this is about grades.</p>
<p>“Am I so crazed about this that I’m not thinking clearly?”</p>
<p>I don’t know about crazed, but maybe obsessed.</p>
<p>"I think it’s time I do talk with a professional… "</p>
<p>I think it’s better than a message board.</p>
<p>moonchild - I don’t understand what you are trying to say.</p>
<p>Sorry, oldfort. I was being somewhat sarcastic in my first paragraph, but it wasn’t clear.
Two points- One: The onus is on the prof, not the student. If it were commonly accepted that the students were responsible in these situations, then as a parent you’d really have no recourse because your kid would be at fault. Maybe not equally, but at fault. So the school would not have to grant you anything- no repeat course, no money back, nothing. The fact is, they don’t see the student at fault, fortunately. They will see the situation as akin to sexual harassment by the prof, most likely.</p>
<p>2nd point: The student can learn from this when she’s home this summer- talking with her parents, maybe a counselor, and hopefully can take part in a plan to address the issue of reporting, in some way or another. This is already a lot for a 19 year old to grapple with, imo. It seems unnecessary and harsh to make an issue of her grade, as that’s really not what’s at issue, or at stake, here.
At least it wouldn’t be for me, and it sounds like it’s not for the OP either.</p>
<p>Sorry, I haven’t read all the posts. Have you checked him out on sites like “Rate My Professor?” If he’s a serial predator, there may be posts suggesting that. She is an adult, and I would personally not want to jeopardize my relationship with a child by “ratting” on someone. What he is doing is clearly unethical, and every college faculty member knows that, but it is not illegal. </p>
<p>If you can find the college’s policy, I would print it out. If you can do so dispassionately, say that you believe he is using her and that what he is doing is clearly unethical behavior, at her school and at any others you care to name. Ask her to look at the relationship and see if it is true. You can always report him at any time, but she IS an adult, and the only good I can see of reporting him, is to alienate your D. </p>
<p>Faculty can’t be tried anonymously and there is usually a grievance process. If you report him, there will be a hearing with witnesses and testimony. There will be no way to keep it secret. While there probably won’t be repercussions for your D, she (or you) if she refuses, will have to provide information (ie. cell phone records). Her friends might have to be called in to testify to what they know. </p>
<p>If you have confidence in your D’s judgement, she will eventually do the right thing.</p>
<p>Shrinkwrap - #373,
Ouch. I think that was unnecessarily harsh.</p>
<p>I dont intend to speak for shrinkwrap, but I didn’t find that post harsh at all.</p>
<p>"Ouch. I think that was unnecessarily harsh. "</p>
<p>Sorry…which part? I mostly quoted the OP. And for what it’s worth, I have been biting my tongue…hard.</p>
<p>ob·sess
/əbˈsɛs/ Show Spelled[uhb-ses] Show IPA
–verb (used with object)
1.
to dominate or preoccupy the thoughts, feelings, or desires of (a person); beset, trouble, or haunt persistently or abnormally: Suspicion obsessed him.
–verb (used without object)
2.
to think about something unceasingly or persistently; dwell obsessively upon something.</p>
<p>shrinkrap: u didn’t say anything “harsh”. just real talk.</p>