Help! I need some advice. My daughter is in a relationship with her professor!

[mazewanderer]

<p>Here are some sample policies</p>

<p>Claremont Mckenna College</p>

<p>

**Policy
**CMC is committed to avoiding situations which may generate complaints of favoritism and sexual harassment. Staff members who hold a position as a supervisor or manager are strongly encouraged to refrain from becoming romantically involved with any subordinate and are prohibited from becoming romantically involved with a subordinate
over whom they have direct authority or the authority to influence their working conditions. Similarly, all staff members are strongly encouraged to refrain from becoming romantically involved with any student and are prohibited from becoming romantically involved with a student over whom they have direct authority or the authority to influence their educational conditions.</p>

<p>In the event a romantic relationship develops, the staff supervisor/manager (or any staff member in the case of a relationship with a student) must report the relationship to the Vice President for Academic Affairs and Dean of the Faculty (if a faculty member) or to
the Director Human Resources (if a staff member) in order to allow CMC to take appropriate action (including, by way of example but not limitation, a possible transfer of one of the individuals involved). Faculty or staff members who fail to report such a relationship may face disciplinary action, up to and including termination. Staff who
have questions about this policy may contact Human Resources Director.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Rhodes College (very well laid out policy)</p>

<p>[Rhodes</a> College | Fraternization Policy](<a href=“http://www.rhodes.edu/collegehandbook/10337.asp]Rhodes”>http://www.rhodes.edu/collegehandbook/10337.asp)</p>

<p>

Fraternization Policy</p>

<p>As an educational institution Rhodes College is committed to maintaining an environment in which its faculty members, students, administrators, and staff members are safe, can be trusted and count on others to be trustworthy, and receive and extend to others respect as human persons. Indeed, mutual respect among faculty members, students and administrators is an essential ingredient in the educational process and the greatest care must be taken that it not in any way be eroded.</p>

<p>Virtually all faculty members, administrators, and staff members are, or can appear to be, in a position to exercise power or authority, directly or indirectly, over students, whether or not an individual student is enrolled in their classes, are subject to their direct supervision, or have some form of business to transact with offices at the College. Many students are at a stage in their development when they may be particularly vulnerable to the influence of faculty members, administrators, and staff members who are in positions where they can affect the terms and conditions of a student’s standing at the College.</p>

<p>If a student consents to a romantic relationship with a faculty member, administrator, or staff member, the existence of such a relationship could have unintended adverse effects on the educational environment of the College. In some cases such a relationship can end unhappily or become problematic, resulting in charges of sexual harassment, and even physical or psychological abuse.</p>

<p>Some circumstances in which faculty members, administrators, staff members work with students can have the potential for the exploitation of students. For example, a work-study student might be asked to perform services that go beyond the terms and conditions of the work-study assignment, e.g. child care, personal business transactions. In such cases, it must be clear that the student may decline such personal invitations without any adverse consequences. It may be that a work-study student will respond to an invitation to provide personal assistance, but this relationship must be one in which the student volunteers, is offered and accepts a fair wage for services, and one which bears no relationship to the continuation of or the evaluation of the work-study assignment.</p>

<p>Because of the commitment to maintaining an environment that supports our educational goals Rhodes College prohibits romantic, sexual, and exploitative relationships between college employees and students. In the event that any such relationship is reported and confirmed the college employee is subject to employee disciplinary procedures up to and including termination in the case of administrators and staff members, or dismissal for cause in the case of faculty members. The policies and procedures for employee disciplinary procedures and dismissal for cause apply in all such cases.</p>

<p>There are exceptional circumstances in which the spouse or partner of a college employee is a student at the College. This fraternization policy does not apply in such circumstances. The Dean of the Faculty, in consultation with the Director of Human Resources, is the administrative officer who determines whether an exceptional circumstance applies. </p>

<p>In effect April 26, 2004.
Vice President for Finance and Business Affairs.

</p>

[barrons]

<p>Private schools have much more latitude to impose work rules. Publics have to worry about little things like the Constitution and such.</p>

[IUmom7]

<p>This is the published policy at Indiana U, a PUBLIC university:
<em>All amorous or sexual relationships between faculty members and students are unacceptable when the faculty member has any professional responsibility for the student.</em> </p>

<p>Such situations greatly increase the chances that the faculty member will abuse his or her power and sexually exploit the student. Voluntary consent by the student in such a relationship is suspect, given the fundamental asymmetric nature of the relationship. Moreover, other students and faculty may be affected by such unprofessional behavior because it places the faculty member in a position to favor or advance one student’s interest at the expense of others and implicitly makes obtaining benefits contingent on amorous or sexual favors. </p>

<p>Therefore, the University will view it as a violation of the Code of Academic Ethics if faculty members engage in amorous or sexual relations with students for whom they have professional responsibility, as defined in number 1 or 2 below, even when both parties have consented or appear to have consented to the relationship. Such professional responsibility encompasses both instructional and non-instructional contexts. </p>

<p>This is not about the constitution, it is about ethical practices which an employee agrees to abide by as part of their terms of employment.</p>

[barrons]

<p>Has that ever been tested in a court? Public employees don’t give up their rights to presumptions of innocence when they go to work. That’s why most call it “unwise” but not a violation of law. Better schools know that.</p>

<p><a href=“Home | Equity, Civil Rights & Title IX Office”>Home | Equity, Civil Rights & Title IX Office;

[bchan1]

<p>I think the circumstances that make the relationship questionable are distracting from the central problem - the daughter has demonstrated poor judgement in falling for this guy. Even if the parent could step in and “fix” everything with no negative repercussions for the daughter (which I think is highly unlikely if not impossible) that would not fix the problem, only this particular manifestation of the problem.</p>

<p>OP - please get some sleep, whatever that takes, you can’t think clearly when you’re exhausted. This, absolutely should be step #1.</p>

<p>Your primary goal is not to get the world, or the school, to acknowledge that this instructor has misbehaved, it is to have your daughter see for herself how her relationship falls short of healthy.</p>

<p>I think the amount of money and effort you’ve invested in your daughter’s education has heightened your irritation in a way that keeps the focus on dealing only with this man because he is attached to the school - but your daughter’s actions illustrate a lack of judgement that is likely to pop up in subsequent relationships if she doesn’t see the problem for herself.</p>

<p>There are many, many, kinds of bad relationships - not just this particular teacher/student flavor - and the other options aren’t necessarily better, just different. What is the purpose of ending this relationship if she hasn’t learned from her mistakes and is merely set free to repeat them in some new form? </p>

<p>Somehow the OP’s daughter hasn’t learned a healthy balance of power in a relationship, the path to saving her isn’t going to be as simple as sending this guy packing and making her suck up some undesirable consequences.</p>

[sopranomom92]

<p>^^^^^^Best post so far, imo.</p>

[SFHKBOI]

<p>leave her alone. you may be her mother, but she is a big girl now. she moved out, she’s not a minor anymore. She doesnt need YOU to take care of her.</p>

[Vitrac]

<p>SFHKBOI- Are you a student or a parent? I’d like to hear your thinking (more than what you posted)</p>

[jym626]

<p>Vitrac,
I am going out on a limb here and guessing its a he and he’s a high school student.</p>

[SSSmomof3]

<p>Vitrac–SFHKBOI is indeed a HS student, based on his posts on other threads.</p>

<p>SFHKBOI–when you become a parent, you will find out that it’s not all black and white when it comes to parenting. As a freshman in college, OP’s D is still a dependent of her parents, in almost all categories. Unless she is fully self-sufficient financially, which I don’t believe she is. IMO, it is a parent’s obligation to help bring back their children when they are on a path of self-destruction.</p>

<p>OP–IMHO, if D is finished with her finals, then H should be made aware of the situation. Personally, this would cause a lot of damage in my marriage, because of lack of trust. But, you are in a terrible predicament and I do wish you all the best!</p>

[Pnin2006]

<p>The girl has to grow up sometime. If she told you about this guy, just imagine what she DIDN’T tell you about! Let it go. He’ll get tired of her soon enough and move on to something less… er… soiled.</p>

[astrophysicsmom]

<p>I’m wondering what has transpired with the OP since starting this thread…</p>

[MWestMom]

<p>OP- I hope everything has turned out for the better.</p>

[mommusic]

<p>^^Yes, school should be out (exam week?) and the OP should be taking action.</p>

[Youdon_tsay]

<p>I thought of this thread yesterday. Yes, I’m curious as to how it was resolved. Or not.</p>

[tsdad]

<p>UW-Madison’s University Committee, which set the standards for faculty just added the following, in February, to the consensual relationship policy:</p>

<p>

Consequences</p>

<p>Failure to report a consensual romantic and/or sexual relationship, or to comply with an arrangement to mitigate conflict of interest, may result in discipline or dismissal according to the rules appropriate to the individuals involved.

</p>

[iluvpiano]

<p>I’ve read this thread (very interesting, hope things went well for the OP and family)…I think everyone who has read this and/or helped here already is wondering what happened…OP still here???</p>

[Beetfarmer]

<p>I’ve been following as well. I am curious how things went.</p>

[iluvpiano]

<p>Possibly someone should send the OP a PM and ask how everything turned out and/or if they’ll update this thread anymore? Probably someone who was on this thread from the beginning…</p>

[Youdon_tsay]

<p>^^^ I did that yesterday.</p>