<p>Looks as if Jaundice is a student and not a parent so that explains his posts to me.</p>
<p>Quote:
We usually text several times per day and talk at least once or twice for a few minutes too.</p>
<p>On another note, perhaps your D is looking for a way to break away from Mom, so she looks for a parent-like relationship to start the journey. IMO it is unusual and not useful for a college student to have such close communication with a parent on a regular basis. She needs to be much more independent. Encourage her to start now, in healthy ways. </p>
<p>And mom needs to be more independent from D. It’s a transition time for both parent and child.</p>
<p>Okay, just from a different perspective:</p>
<ol>
<li>The worst thing that can happen here has already happened. (It’s too late to protect her from it. She’s IN it.)</li>
<li> We know it will end when he goes to Europe.<br></li>
<li> She will have learned not to believe “everything he says to her.” A strong lesson for her to learn.</li>
</ol>
<p>Or: You can get involved and a whole other “worst things that can happen” can be set in motion.</p>
<p>So, for me, I’d go ahead and say I wanted to meet him, and let that play itself out. </p>
<p>The most important thing here is that the horses are out of the barn, already. Locking the door now is not going to help. Now, you just want to be the Mom waiting with the pint of ice creams and the funny movies, and the “Yes, well, people aren’t always what they seem” type comments.</p>
<p>Of course, you know your kid better than anyone and this “take” on things might be way off base, given that.</p>
<p>I remember when D1 was a toddler, she was playing in a sand box, this little boy was throwing sand in her face and the mother was doing nothing about it. I went in the sand box, with a smiling face, I said it under my breath, “If you throw sand in her face again, I will cut your hand off.” The little boy looked at me, got up from the sand box and ran to his mother. I waved to the mother.</p>
<p>Think Godfather.</p>
<p>He’s taking freshman students to happy hour? I don’t think there’s a state in the US where the legal drinking age is 18 or 19…this seems inappropriate, too. Especially if getting the girls drunk is part of his ‘charm’.</p>
<p>Ick. I am not sure what I would do, but I think his behavior is far from professional–the anecdotes about students/profs getting married etc–those relationships probably were ‘one time’ things–were the prof and student fell in love and hopefully waited until not in a teacher/student relationship to move to the dating level. This guy is having serial relationships with one girl after another, from what your daughter told you…her going from ‘uck’ to infatuation/absolute defensiveness and the constant texting thing sounds a bit like he is a master manipulator or even (I hope not) an abusive type.</p>
<p>I would call the dean of his department the minute school is out, if you aren’t comfortable having long-distance fireworks w/ your daughter. I’d tell him/her about the behavior you know of, and heard of, and ask what the university’s stance on such relationships is.</p>
<p>If you get any kind of bad feeling before then, don’t wait.</p>
<p>I agree, tell your husband. If you cannot, find a counselor & discuss this with them–and figure out why you can’t discuss D w/ H–and why she and he aren’t close. </p>
<p>Good luck</p>
<p>Thank you all for your comments and advice. I’d love to hear more so please feel free to let me know your opinions. I’m feeling more comfortable letting the university know about him. Classes end on the 6th and finals the week of the 9th. I think I should wait until the end of the year. I can’t stress her out while she’s still there.</p>
<p>When I was an UG I knew someone who was in a relationship with her violin teacher. He was in his 30s, and we all knew he got a new girlfriend every 4 years when the old one graduated. She couldn’t see it, of course, and eventually got her heart broken. Her parents were worried and upset but didn’t do anything about it (to my knowledge.)</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone has mentioned…make sure your D has birth control?</p>
<p>From the perspective of a Mom, I agree with poetgrl. Nothing to do but sit back and wait for daughter’s hard lesson to hit her.</p>
<p>From the perspective of a paying customer of the university, I would want them to clean up their act and get rid of a loser adjunct. </p>
<p>If this guy is teaching part time at three colleges, folks, he is not a “professor”, he is an instructor. If he is teaching freshman English as a part-timer, he probably does not have a PhD and never was, nor ever will be, a professor. And he shouldn’t be a part-time adjunct instructor, either.</p>
<p>Waiting til the semester is over and grades are posted sounds like a very reasonable plan. He won’t be “fired” - he just won’t be re-hired in the fall. Maybe they will make future adjuncts attend a training session of some sort…</p>
<p>(I would bet that he has a Ph.D. in English.)</p>
<p>Soprano- Yes, we do text every day and talk most night but in my opinion that’s not odd or do I consider it too much communication. The texts are as short as good morning, how’s Papa (my father who is sick) to how do the renovations in the house look. I’m not sure why she went running into this type of relationship but I’d like to think it’s not because she wants to break away.</p>
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</p>
<p>I agree with this. I was actually trying to figure out how she can “be there” for her daughter without interfering, and still let the school know what they have on their hands.</p>
<p>No, the communication isn’t odd. I text or talk with D every day, less on weekends. She initiates. I respond. I think this is really kind of common for girls these days.</p>
<p>okay, “teacher”, “professor”, “maestro”, “profe”, whatever. bottom line is he’s a jerk.</p>
<p>Sorry, I should have called him an instructor and not a professor. I don’t believe he has his PhD because I saw his education on his Facebook profile.</p>
<p>I’m a college interviewer and I can tell you his behavior is inappropriate and against most college policies. You need to report it. I’m pretty sure the school will keep your confidence. Call the dean of students. If that doesn’t work, call the head of the school. </p>
<p>Stay calm, be objective, so they don’t “read you” as being emotional or blowing things out of proportion. But if she described him as creepy - he probably is - or just immature. If she’s stopped communicating - that’s a bad sign. </p>
<p>I know of two similar occasions and in both cases the university stepped in and investigated. And here’s what’s more important - if he’s doing it to your daughter, he’s doing it (or has done it) to other girls she doesn’t know about.</p>
<p>If they want to date once she graduates - so be it. While she’s a student, it’s a no-no.</p>
<p>Calling the school and outing him? That’s a priority. The school may not be aware, but even if it is - your making a call will force them to act.</p>
<p>Btw- the Europe thing is not a guarantee they’ll break up - there is texting, skype, Facebook, and all manner of ways for him to keep her on the hook. Do remember that young girls have been “enticed” to follow people to Europe. And - frankly - lest I not scare you - if he’s a transient (i.e. teaches at multiple places) and isn’t permanent faculty - do remember there’s an active human trafficking network out there just preying on innocent young girls who think they “know it all.” These people are good at what they do.</p>
<p>okay, “teacher”, “professor”, “maestro”, “profe”, whatever. bottom line is he’s a jerk. </p>
<p>And a few other names… :)</p>
<p>As a mother of a college aged daughter…:eek:</p>
<p>But then I knew a person in my law school class who was a former professor at a large, well thought of state school. He told me that he thought dating college coeds was a perk of the job. Of course, I don’t know if he dated them WHILE they were in his class…that would be reckless. But it still creeped me out.</p>
<p>Maybe you could get your D to see that “dating” her while she was in his class could be a career breaker for him and would she really want that? Maybe if she really loved him, she would protect him by not seeing him till the semester was over.</p>
<p>So sorry- ! </p>
<p>My best advice is to accept that it happens and it happened to your daughter. It’s not the age difference that bothers me as much as the guy is her current professor. That’s just plain wrong.
That all said, you can be helpful by making sure she’s using a condom to protect herself from STDs - b/c this guy probably has them to pass along!
When she’s home at the end of the semester, ask her to check in with planned parenthood and get a routine annual pap and check up. Don’t suggest your own OBGYN – I have a good friend who is an OBGYN and she assures me that girls this age prefer not to go to their mom’s obgyn.</p>
<p>I would report it to the school AFTER her grades are filed. It’s really disturbing and there may be outstanding violations.
Is he tenured? That will make all the difference in whether the school has any interest in exploring a very ugly situation.</p>
<p>Right now- be clear, you don’t like that a professor has crossed a line, acknowledge she picks men that questionable but it’s her choice and offer and reaffirm that you’re there if any health issues prop up-- promise you will not say “i told you so” to her if she needs your help so she’s there if pregnancy or STDs surface.</p>
<p>So is your husband ready to drive there and kill the guy! Mine sure would!</p>
<p>this is going to become the most popular thread. </p>
<p>What would you do if this was a 17 year old daughter and a 30 year old high school teacher? A 19 year old girl is not exactly a grown woman mentally when compared to a 34 year old man.</p>
<p>Exie- My biggest worry is her waiting all summer for him to come back and continuing it up again in September if I don’t do something about it now.
Dear God… I can’t imagine her asking us if she could meet him in Europe! I guess I’ll keep her passport locked in the safe deposit box! Yikes! Human trafficking!!! I feel sick again.</p>
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<p>This is slightly terrorizing.</p>
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<p>Yes, please do. Also, if you are her primary source of money, adjuncts probably don’t offer plane tix. One can hope.</p>