<p>iluvpiano- I’m assuming that my daughter doesn’t know that I confronted him. He could have told her the following day but she never once seemed upset or bothered since she came home from school. Of course there is the chance that she’s not letting me know because she thinks she’s protecting him. I’m okay with her finding out because I know I did the right thing. I’m just not okay if they drag her into it. The Dean I spoke with reassured me several times that our names will remain private unless one of us changes our mind on coming forward. I can only hope he keeps his word.</p>
<p>I also think you handled it beautifully. I also think there is nothing left that you need to do in terms of letting others know about this guy. The OP reported him to the school, the onus is now on them to follow up on this. It’s their responsibility to figure out if they need to let other schools know, etc. When people go to authorities and report something, they’ve been responsible. I don’t think the OP has a responsibility to do anything else, and I don’t think I’d tangle further with this guy, especially since it could boomerang and drive the daughter back to him. At the very least, the school in question and others could put out a bulletin about getting involved with professors. They could give other schools a heads up. But I don’t think another school is going to take seriously a complaint coming from a parent whose kid doesn’t attend their school. It needs to come from the first school through proper channels.</p>
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Yeah, I honestly doubt another school is going to fire the prof from there, when the OP’s daughter attends another school. But getting him fired from the school where OP’s daughter attends, that’s a different story…</p>
<p>Op, please try to let this go now that you 've influenced the situation to the best of your ability. I would not want to see you in a position of libel, which is what you would be doing if you contacted other schools. Truth is not a defense, particularly when you don’t have any direct evidence of intercourse, which would be the issue IF she was underage, which she isn’t. The school will also not be legally free to share this information with other schools unless a formal letter of discipline it attached to his work file. I expect the school will now be in a position to observe him closely, review his student evaluations, and otherwise act within the confines of the law. They are also likely to have a great deal of experience with this.
You have unwittingly been privy to aspects of your daughter’s fledgling independence to which most parents don’t have access. It will, I imagine, be hard to “forget this” and not let it influence what you think about her judgment and choices in the future. At this point your energy might be better spent negotiating that new “peer-advisor-parent” role that comes with the territory, so that you can be her confidant again. That requires a level of remove that takes some getting used to. hopefully, at some point she’ll really talk with you about it, but she’ll need to feel safe from judgment, and if you’re still broiling with disgust at the “perp”, that will be hard for her. You just can’t argue the intent of another.
Best wishes!</p>
<p>needadvice… I also think you did a great job and handled the whole thing very well. It was not easy and you made good choices. </p>
<p>Your making good choices will have formed a bedrock for your kids more than any other thing you might do. </p>
<p>I hope you sleep well at night … and I hope the prof gets what he deserves.</p>
<p>I would bet that the contract is at will, and in the time between the first and second call the university discovered they had already signed a contract for next Fall. If you think about it, they need to make sure their sections are covered when they print their course catalog, so they probably sign most contracts in the late spring when they have an idea of their Fall enrollment. Even if they don’t fire him for next year due to legal reasons, it is hard to imagine that they won’t have a hawkeye on him next year, and choose to not renew for the following year. If I were a jerk like that, I would lay reallly low next year to let the rumors die down. </p>
<p>I do think there is a strong possibility that your notifications will get back to your daughter. I think you need to be prepared for that possibility. Plan carefully in terms of timing (maybe after a month or so home, when the relationship has faded) but you do need to notify her. The last thing you want is for her to be caught unaware in the Fall - that would make for a firestorm at a time where she is away from home and less supported. She won’t be happy, but you have the inner core strength to absorb her anger. Eventually, perhaps months or years from now, she will remember this decision when she formulates her ethics and actions in challenging situations. You have done a great job so far, but you absolutely need to complete that piece at some point this summer in my opinion.</p>
<p>I can imagine a scenario in which she pressures him to find out why he’s “avoiding” her and the truth comes out.</p>
<p>shoot4moon- Yes, I’m assuming that he’ll be questioned when he gets back and she’ll figure out it was me. I’m okay with that because she knows exactly how I feel and that I know I did the right thing.</p>
<p>He was also listed in the fall catalog back in April so maybe you’re right and that’s the reason why their hands are tied. I can only hope he’ll be avoiding her in the fall but after meeting him I can tell you that he doesn’t care what the rules are and probably doesn’t take orders from anyone.</p>
<p>Needadvice,
Your courage in doing what you believe is best to protect other young women should help you sleep better, knowing you are doing all you can to keep this person from preying on other vulnerable young women and abusing his position. Congrats & thanks! 
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<p>He definitely does not sound like a person I (or anyone I cared about but especially impressionable young people) should be spending much time with. :(</p>
<p>I am currently dealing with a situation where a 45+ year old man(very senior person) has been sexually harrassing one of my staff who is 25. It used to be verbal and a bit of touching, but he finally put it in an email. The girl wanted to ignore it, but her friends convinced her to show me the email. </p>
<p>I don’t think sexual harrassment should be tolerated any where. This young woman didn’t want to cause any waves in the work place. I had to tell her to stand up for her rights and she didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t think this is the first time this guy has done it, he probably has harrassed a lot of other women and no one ever reported him. All I can say is he has messed with the wrong girl with a boss who will not tolerate this kind of behavior. I already gave my boss heads up because crap could hit the fan, he told me to go for it. Today will be the show down with this guy’s boss and HR.</p>
<p>A funny note - this young woman is thousands of miles from home, when she told her mother about it, her mother said, “Get your boss on the phone, I want to tell her what she should do.” All I could think of was what CC parents’ reaction would be.</p>
<p>Looking forward to hearing the follow up to your post, oldfort.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I once knew someone whose boss sent her similar mail/email. With the evidence, she sued the company and received a few millions. Twenty years ago so it was a lot of money.</p>
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Some goon sent her a letter?? What a buffoon. Not sure how prevalent corporate email was 20 years ago, but that would certainly have been pretty dumb too.</p>
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<p>Isn’t harassment against the law? Where I am, a complaint of harassment (sexual or otherwise) is dealt with very seriously and can result in a police complaint being filed.</p>
<p>Re: college professors and the college course listings…pish posh…those change ALL THE TIME. Instructors leave, new ones are hired, courses are canceled. What is in the college catalog should not be the driving force behind retaining or dismissing someone.</p>
<p>oldfort, you sound like a great boss</p>
<p>For every prof chasing coeds there are probably twice as many coeds chasing profs. It certainly is a two-way street. Many are not the sweet inncocents some like to imagine.</p>
<p>barrons, please give it up. You have expressed that point of view many times.</p>
<p>Oldfort: Insert applause here.</p>
<p>Re: college professors and college course offerings… As an incoming freshman a million years ago I was impressed with how many classes Professor Staff was teaching.</p>
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<p>So what? It doesn’t matter if the ratio is 100:1…it doesn’t make it right for a professor to chase after a student. </p>
<p>It’s not right for a student to chase after a prof either!</p>
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LOL!</p>
<p>I agree with Thumper. Two wrongs do not make a right. That, plus many professors might *think the coeds are chasing them, when they are not.</p>