@DavidPuddy it was me. I helped him compile a list of colleges that met 100% financial need (a necessity) and we went from there in terms of where his stats would get him in. We thought a small LAC would be a good fit because he went to a small high school and because he will get more individualized attention. There was one school to which he was accepted but I steered him away because it is very, very liberal (lots of activism) and I did not feel it was a good fit. The school he will be attending seems moderate and he visited and felt it was a good fit. It’s not like he’s a complete philistine- he just says some things without thinking of what the consequences may be.
He calls and emails me all the time for advice and is very willing to learn. He now writes thank you notes, for example, something he had never done before. Small examples, but it wasn’t something he was taught.
You guys are acting like he’s a crazy uber right winger (or a philistine as the OP mentions above)…he’s a kid form the lower midwest. The midwest has a heavy dose of libertarian conservatism if 18 year olds even know what that means… Heck I grew up in the midwest in a small town where the nearest Jewish synagogue was probably over 100 miles away…I would not have known that to “jew someone down” was referring to someone who is “Jewish” never heard the term JAP and didn’t know until I left to go to a college. He’ll meet people who have different backgrounds, different religions and came from different lifestyles and he’ll assimilate just fine. As someone said Pennsylvania is not the mothership of extreme left leaning liberal states.
I think you all should do a lot of neutral chit chatting, like start off talking about sports and movies, then gradually slide into talking about college, his fears and thoughts, your experiences and thoughts. You aren’t his mom, but sounds like you are a respected adult in his life and maybe a more sophisticated one.
When I talk to kids who aren’t my own (and sometimes even when I talk to my own), I often start a lecture by explaining that I am a mom and can’t help myself but to say x. I would bring up cultural differences (and add how they may have struck you when you went to college) and stuff about sexual consent. I’d try to be objective and neutral about the issues, like noting that “there are issues on college campuses about what constitutes consent to sexual intercourse. Have you heard about that? What are your thoughts?”
Consider showing him this thread.
@Emsmom1 You are to be commended for your concern and helpfulness with our nephew. He’s lucky to have you as an aunt.
@doschicos thank you; you’ve been consistently supportive about my journey with my nephew and I appreciate it. @momofthreeboys you’re right- he’s definitely not a crazy uber right winger-I’m glad you get it. I don’t think he even understood that to say “Jew down” was referring to someone Jewish either. He’s a good kid; I just want to save him any grief down the road that could come from saying something unthoughtful.
We all have space to learn new things and awareness is constantly growing and evolving. It wasn’t until several years ago here on CC when someone mentioned that the word “gyp” is a slur against those of gypsyRomani ancestry that I became aware of how the word evolved. Once I read it, I was like Duh! but I just never thought about it that way and had heard it used growing up.
My son, who is conservative, extremely so in terms of economics, and lives in NYC. He attends a small, rural LAC in Pennsylvania. He was surprised by how conservative the student body is. But not in a negative way, he thinks it is welcoming and inclusive. His roommate by choice for this year is gay and is extremely popular, so my son feels like he was very fortunate. There is a range everywhere, and everyone will be feeling their way at first. I would be and was more worried about my son knowing how to treat female schoolmates in a residential experience, and how to protect himself from ever being falsely accused of anything.
Thanks to melvin 123 for reframing the descriptor of your young nephew… a belief in individual liberty, private property rights, small government and equality of opportunity is hardly synonymous with casual, if accidental anti-semetic turns of phrase or not knowing the perverse ins and outs of Title 9…
Dare I say that actual conservative thinkers are the true oppressed minority in todays college culture?
You are clearly a wonderful Aunt… I hope these journeys together with your nephew are truly wonderful and offer opportunities for lots of growth:)
Ok…did I miss something? Why does the OP feel the need to almost lecture this kid about his upcoming college experience?
Why not just have a normal conversation. Ask what he is looking forward to about college…what he will miss about HS. Find out what his interests are…and chat about those. Discuss kinds of foods…after all you will have to go,out to,eat, right?
Ask about his family, friends, hobbies, special talents…favorite colors, or whatever.
Almost anything.
It sounds like the OP feels the need to give this kid liberal advice…when the kid might not be so liberal. My opinion…no unsolicited advice! None. Just chat.
You may find also, that there will be times on this long drive when both your and he may want to just listen to music…and not talk at all.
We have had nieces and nephews at our home for a week or so…and never felt the need to provide advice unsolicited. And even when they asked advice…we made the question into a discussion…not a lecture.
I know you are trying to help…but he needs to live some of this experience himself.
OP -
I’ve been mulling over your post a lot in my head today. Mostly thinking about what I might do in this situation and how to say something without sounding overbearing to the 18 year old who, like a lot of 18 year olds, might be a tad overconfident and/or a tad naive about how the real world operates.
Here are my thoughts in no particular order:
- He needs to know that he will probably end up doing or saying something that offends somebody at college. With the 'microaggresions' stuff that runs rampant on a lot of college campuses now, that is bound to happen.
- So he needs to know how to respond in a calm & mature way when he is confronted by someone who tells him that he's being racist, offensive, etc. Something along the lines of, "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I really meant no offense by that. I won't use that term anymore. I really appreciate you confronting me with this." But he has to say it in such a way that it sounds like he really means it (not sarcastic tone of voice).
- He needs to learn that there are certain things that he can't say or do when he's in a work place. And nobody will tell him this when he starts a new job. It's assumed that you already know it.
- The slang terminology that he's used to using could very well be considered really offensive in another part of the country. He should be aware of that.
- Like it or not, there are sometimes some college professors who do mark students down in their grades if the student expresses a point of view that is very different politically than the professor's point of view.
- He also needs to be aware of the fact that it is often far more wise to keep your opinions to yourself, keep your mouth shut on controversial topics when you're with people who you don't know very well.
- But above all else, as long as he tries his best to treat others as he would want to be treated, then he'll do just fine.
I have a pretty hard time imagining most 18 year old boys saying #2. I also would not use the word “microaggression”. But basically he should know that if he says something that makes someone else feel belittled or insulted, he should apologize and not do it again. But again – can an aunt teach on a 2 hour car ride what a parent shoukf have already instilled?
Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes, the political climate of a given college can be such no parent who isn’t a well-versed expert in politics, social activism, etc would be able to adequately start preparing their student.
Not to mention the fact college campus environments can change…sometimes in as little as a few years.
For instance, Oberlin when I attended in the mid-late '90s had a campus political environment so radically left and a local town/regional culture so conservative politically and socially that almost every student received some form of culture shock…whether it’s from the town, the college campus culture, or both(campus culture too radically lefty even for those who were radical lefty activist students from the NE/West Coast/PNW/nominally liberal parts of the Midwest, town/surrounding area too conservative to the point some felt we’ve traveled back to the '50s in some ways(i.e. regarding inter-racial dating, racial/gender attitudes from the town/area locals, etc) ).
And just a few years after I graduated, the campus culture mellowed out and went more towards the mainstream so the culture shock even for students from nominally liberal areas of the country is no longer nearly as much of an issue nowadays as it was in the mid-late '90s or earlier.
Well, it’s actually a 2 day car ride not 2 hours. 
So, plenty of time to cover some bases on this stuff as well as listening to music, chatting about other things, etc.
In some ways, after following the OP’s other posts over the past year, the OP as an aunt has stepped in to help guide the process in a way many parents do - helping develop a list, arranging and paying for campus visits, etc. Sounds like a pretty close relationship and much give and take and vesting in the process together from both aunt and nephew. Given the context, I find the desire to save the nephew missteps as helpful, not intrusive.
“I imagine your nephew is considerably more aware than you might presume. With social media and the internet, it is impossible not to be.”
It’s quite possible to use the internet a lot and still live under a rock, especially if you’re a high schooler in rural Missouri and all your social media contacts are the same. It’s great that he’s getting a new scene for college. His opinions could change or not change, but he’ll definitely learn more about the world.
I agree that asking him questions and listening is a great tack and may lead to him asking for and heeding your advice. The opposite of a lecture is a dialogue.
Just spent 2.5 days in a car with my own kid on the way to grad school. Resisted the urge to lecture. 
OP’s bigger problem might be finding common ground on music during the drive.
Avoiding “microaggressions” is just old-fashioned politeness. One doesn’t verbalize assumptions about strangers, one doesn’t make comments based on physical appearance, one doesn’t ask personal questions of strangers, one doesn’t make comments based on race, ethnicity, or religion, one doesn’t speak ill of those not present. And so on.
You also may wish to warn him of the prejudices and assumptions people may make about him due to his being from rural Missouri. This thread is a good introduction to that issue.
Snarlatron makes some good points. Common courtesy goes a long way.
I think you can advise your nephew not to express whichever views you think may offend people, but it won’t change the fact that those are his beliefs. The root problem isn’t what he’s saying, it’s what he’s thinking that leads him to say those things. I don’t think you’re going to be able to change his belief system in 2 days. The best you can probably do is repeat what Snarlatron said and hope it sinks in.
They may not be his beliefs. I grew up with Archie Bunker as my father. I knew every derogatory term for minorities, other religious groups, etc., but didn’t know they were hurtful. I lived in a community that was heavily Polish, and we all told Pollack jokes because we thought they were funny. To others, they might not be funny.
We learn things as we grow older too. A friend who has children adopted from Africa taught me about blood diamonds and I was easily convinced not to buy diamonds. Dream catchers are a popular trinket around me but are a religious symbol to Native Americans and should be treated as such.
This kid is 18. He might just need to be told that some of the terms he’s been using aren’t acceptable.